TRIGGER WARNING: MENTION OF EATING DISORDERS
Aurora
A buzzing sound reverberated around my room, pulling me from my reverie. Dean hadn't left that long ago after spending the majority of the day at mine, the late April sky slowly descending into darkness. Some quality best-friend time was what he said. My stomach flipped nervously as my eyes strayed to the source of the sound, my phone lit up with Sam's name.
"Hello?" I whispered as I pressed the accept button and brought the phone to my ear.
"Hi," he muttered. Hearing his voice after so long was a bitter-sweet feeling. "Uhh, how're you?"
It wasn't a question I was expecting to sprout from Sam's mouth but then again, I doubted he was expecting it either, rather trying to form a coherent sentence from his no doubt messy thoughts.
"I'm alreet," I replied. It was painfully awkward and I hated that we had even gotten into this position in the first place. "I think it's you I should be asking that. I'm guessing Harls came to see ya judging by the way she stormed out earlier."
"Yeah, she did," he told me.
"Whatever she did, I'm sorry," I blurted out before he could continue.
"Why're ya sorry for, ya div?" he snorted lightly. "S'not like I don't deserve it."
"Ya don't," I frowned. "Sam, ya've not done anything wrong."
"This would be so much easier if you would just shout at me," he sighed.
"What's that s'pposed to mean?" I inquired as I stared up at the ceiling of my room.
"Listen, Rory," he began, "Can we talk... in person? There's so much I need to say and it don't feel reet doing it over the phone."
"Uhh, sure," I agreed, hating the nauseated feeling in the pit of my stomach at his words. "The beach? Twenty minutes?"
"Yeah," he breathed. "I'll... I'll see ya then."
Sam
Rory was already waiting for me when I arrived, perched on a mound of sand with her knees in her chest, looking as ethereal as she always did.
"Hi," I greeted her as I let myself down next to her.
"Hi," she replied, not tearing her eyes away from the setting sun over the sea. The two of us enjoyed the silence for a few minutes, neither knowing what to say nor how to initiate a conversation. "What did ya mean earlier?"
"Hmm?" I frowned as I turned my head to study her face, counting the lines around her face and committing them to memory. It could very well be the last time I was this close to her, depending on how she would take the news.
"About things being easier if I just shouted at ya," she mumbled.
"Rory, what I did... I feel awful about it," I told her.
"Ya don't need to feel awful," she murmured as she turned her gaze to me. "We weren't together, it's not like ya cheated or anything."
"This is what I mean. I want you to be angry at me! I want you to scream at me! Hit me, for all I care! Just... something I'm begging you," I sighed frustratedly. "Aren't you hurt?"
"Of course, I am," she admitted, her eyes becoming watery. "But I'm not gan bite your head off when ya've done nowt wrong." I couldn't help the wave of regret that washed over me, desperately wishing I could go back and change things. "Don't do that."
"What?" I frowned.
"Don't beat yourself up," she instructed me. With hesitation, she pulled one of her hands from its curled position around her knees and entwined it with mine that rested on the cool sand between us. "Please."
I was silent as I nodded my head reluctantly. It would be a challenge but there was nothing I wouldn't do if Rory asked me to. "I'm sorry... about how things ended. I didn't go about it in the best way, I was just... angry and I took it all oot on you like I always do," I muttered. "John sacked us."
"What?" she breathed. "Shit, Sam."
"It's my own fault, I was about the worst employee in the history of the Low Lights," I joked bitterly.
"Have yer asked him for your job back?" she asked cautiously.
I shook my head no. "Doubt he'd ever hire me again."
"You'll never know until ya ask," she told me as she rested her head on my shoulder. My entire body tensed at the action, my brain unsure of how to react. I couldn't ignore the warmth that exploded in my chest but there was also the nagging thought of being back in this position in a couple of months if I let us happen again. I couldn't help bringing my arm around her though. I hadn't been this close to her in a month and I wasn't sure when I would be again.
"Maybe," I mumbled, pausing for a moment before continuing, "How have yer been, Rory? Honestly."
"I've been alreet," she shrugged.
"I don't wanna pry... ya've got therapy sessions for that but... yer haven't... uh..." I stumbled.
"No!" she rushed. "No. No, I haven't."
"Good," I breathed in relief. "I was scared I'd... trigger you."
"No, nothing like that," she assured me. Once again, silence fell over the two of us as I racked my brain for something to say. It was ironic because I did have so much to say but I had no idea how to go about saying it.
"Ya know I love yer, reet?" I asked her.
She hummed in reply, "Of course. And I love you, too."
"All I want is for yer to be happy," I told her earnestly. "I-I... I just don't think that's with me."
Her head snapped up from its position on my shoulder, my arm falling away as a result, her eyes staring up at me accusingly. "What?" she whimpered.
"Rory, all I do is hurt ya," I sighed. Her eyes watered as she shook her head frantically. "I do. Yer can't deny that."
"You're worth it though," she sniffed.
"I'm not, darlin'," I smiled sadly. "I'm always gan love you. I just think we're better off as friends. For now at least anyway."
"If that's what you want," she whispered, averting her eyes towards the waves as they crashed onto the shore.
"Believe me," I frowned as I took her hand in mine once more. "This is the last thing I want but I'm trying to do what's best for you. You're always gan be my best friend. Ya haven't got a choice in that matter."
"Promise?" she mumbled, holding her free hand up with her pinky up.
I smiled and raised my other hand and offered her my pinky, which she entwined with mine. The two of us kissed our thumbs and pressed them together, Rory staring over at me with glossy eyes and a fond smile. "Promise," I replied, pulling her into a tight hug when our hands dropped.
"Yer seem pretty unscathed considering Harlow came to see ya," she pointed out as her head rested on my chest. "What happened?"
"I've been sworn to secrecy," I joked in an attempt to lighten the mood.
"Shut up!" she scoffed, lifting her head to look at me with disbelieving eyes and her mouth agape. "Harlow would never want to keep abusing you a secret!" I was silent, my lips pursing together. "Unless... she didn't, did she?"
"I've been told she'll kill us if I tell anyone," I shrugged. "And I dunna about you but I value my life."
"Aww, did yous have a civil conversation?" she teased. "My two best friends bonding!"
"As if!" I gaped. "I'm still your bestest... friend, reet? Like me over Harlow?"
"Whatever helps ya sleep at night," she giggled.
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Drop Dead | Sam Fender
Fanfiction'Did you come around here just to start a fight? Drop dead.' Sam's difficulty with relationships stems all the way back to his adolescence. He hasn't had it easy growing up in the Northeast of England but he managed to escape his teens unscathed. Mo...
