Drop Dead | Sam Fender

Chapter Fifty Six

TRIGGER WARNING: EATING DISORDERS

Aurora

I was kept in the hospital for an extra two days. Something about keeping an eye on my vitals and electrolytes, whatever that meant. As much as he hated it, Sam had to leave eventually, having to attend school and work. He hadn't wanted to leave my side, concerned as ever for my well-being. We still hadn't broached the topic of my bulimia as it still seemed a sore subject.

Bulimia. It still felt weird to say, even if it was only my head. I couldn't bring myself to say it out loud nor admit I had a problem. My mind was still in a constant battle between seeing the damage I was doing to myself and justifying it as a commitment to dieting.

My dad hadn't let me out of his sight since I had been discharged from the hospital. It was like I was on twenty-four-hour surveillance and I resented it. I knew he was just worried for me. The doctor had told my dad that if I hadn't come into the hospital when I did, I would have likely had a cardiac arrest. It was scary to think about, so I couldn't blame him for not wanting to leave me alone, especially after seeing the look on his face back in the hospital. I wouldn't trust myself either.

As soon as we had gotten home, my dad made an appointment with a therapist under the advice of the doctors in the hopes it would improve my body image and eating patterns. I felt ten times worse after the first session, although, apparently that was a good thing. My dad had also begun getting meal plans from a dietitian to ensure I would get back to a healthy weight. In reality, they were just fattening me up again and I hated it, which is what I told my therapist but she had assured me that it was perfectly normal to feel that way and they were looking out for my best interest at heart.

I had begged Sam not to tell any of our friends the reason for my hospital trip, which he agreed to before he had to leave me, with the promise that we would talk things through. I had to admit, I felt stupid for ending things the way I did. I was just too blinded by my anger, but he was only looking out for my well-being and in doing so, had probably saved my life.

I had asked him over when he had finished school, knowing that he didn't have work that day. Even though I hadn't seen him since that day at the hospital, we had been texting non-stop since. I felt like a giddy child every time my phone lit up with a text, reassured of his will to stick around, even with all my extra baggage. My dad hadn't let me go back to school, reluctant to send me somewhere unsupervised, but luckily my teachers understood when he informed them of the situation.

Sam

"Y'alreet, son?" Jamie greeted me with a smile as he pulled the front door open.

"Aye, you?" I replied as I stepped past him into the hallway. The two of us had a long conversation before I left the hospital, Jamie apologising profusely for not taking me seriously and thanking me for looking out for Rory's well-being.

"She's my world. Ya don't need to thank us for being concerned about her," I had told him at the time.

Footsteps reverberated off the walls, Rory's head poking through the doorway to the living room before she stepped through with a shy smile on her face. "Hi."

"Y'alreet, darlin'?" I asked her softly as she cautiously moved towards me, almost waiting for me to hold my arms out for a hug. I obliged, revelling in the way fell into them instinctively.

"Are we allowed upstairs?" Rory muttered nervously to her dad as she pulled away from me. He nodded, sending me a look as though to tell me to keep an eye on her.

"Don't forget, you've got an appointment with Harriet at seven," he reminded her. Immediately, her entire aura wilted, her shoulders dropping in deflation and her lips letting out a sigh.

"Okay," she mumbled.

"C'mon," I told her softly, pulling her gently up to her room.

She stuck to me like glue as soon as we stepped through the doorway, immediately breaking down into a fit of sobs. "Hey, hey. What's the matter?"

"I'm sorry," she cried into my jumper, my arms instinctively wrapping around her smaller figure.

"What're ya sorry for?" I asked.

"For everything. I shouldn't have snapped at ya before-"

"Oi, that's my fault as well. I shouldn't have been so harsh with you," I assured her, petting her hair comfortingly.

She shook her head frantically. "You had every right to be. I've been a rubbish girlfriend, you're probably glad I broke up with ya."

"Ya don't really think that do ya?" I frowned, gently lifting her head from my chest and holding her face in my hands, my thumbs brushing away her fallen tears. "I nearly lost my head when ya dropped off the face of the earth for a week. Ya don't know how happy I was when you answered my call."

"Really?" she sniffled.

"Course," I smiled as she nestled her head into my chest, her ear resting just above where my heart was. "I don't want to kill the mood... but we need to talk, darlin'."

"I know," she whispered, allowing me to pull her over to her bed and snuggling up in my lap as soon as I sat down.

"How are ya feeling?" I asked earnestly.

"In all honesty? I feel a bit empty," she mumbled, bringing her thumb to her mouth and beginning to bite her nail. "I know he's only trying to help, but dad hasn't let me oot of his sight since we came home from the hospital and I know they're gan make me put on weight and I hate it. I've worked so hard to come as far as I have-"

"Rory," I cut her off with a sharp breath, her words making my stomach churn uncomfortably.

"What?" she frowned.

I took a minute to find my words, too shocked for my brain to find any. "You're not healthy. Ya need to put weight on to stop yourself from ending up in the hospital again," I told her.

"I'm gan be fat though," she mumbled, so quietly I almost didn't hear.

"You're not," I assured her. "You never were to begin with. I wish ya could see yourself the way I do because I think you're amazing." She was silent hearing my words. "Do ya know how scared I was when you fainted?" She shook her head no. "I was petrified. I-I was so scared that I was gan lose ya. That my last memories of ya would be of us arguing... I didn't leave your side when they brought you in. Even told the doctors they could fuck off."

"Really?" she giggled quietly.

"Course I did, I couldn't leave me girl when she needed me, now, could I?" I smiled softly. She hesitantly raised her head from my chest to look at me, propping herself up with a hand on her cheek. She had a small smile on her face but her eyes were filled with tears threatening to fall at any second.

"I love you," she told me. "So much that it hurts."

"I love you, too," I replied, brushing a stray lock of hair that had fallen in her face. "It hurts me to see you hurting, especially when you're hurting yourself... Even if ya don't realise ya are."

"I know," she mumbled, her lips drawing into a tight line. "I'm trying, even if I can't see the problem. I'm doing it for you."

"I just wished that you would do it for yourself, not me," I sighed, brushing her cheekbone with my thumb.

"Maybe I will. Maybe soon, but until then, you can be my reason," she smiled softly.

"I'm okay with that," I whispered, my smile widening as she pressed her lips against mine softly.

Oh, how I had missed that.