It's Not Selfish To Want To Live

Scalding Water

-I will put asterisks(*) before and after the detailed self harm scene-

As Minho was walking, about to start his ten to fifteen-ish minute walk back home, Jisung insisted on walking him at least to the school gates," Channie, and Changbinnie hyung and I all head over to Chan hyung's place, we actually work on music together so I have to wait for them anyway." was the reason, Minho nodded as they continued their walk, " Is music...hard to do? I don't really know anything about that stuff, it sounds fun." Minho asked, debating if he was asking too much though. Jisung made a small noise bouncing more as he walked, " It's half and half! It's all of our passion so the hard parts are still super fun and worth it in the end!" Minho let out a "ahh" while nodding again, they were all so cool, he wondered why they wanted him around when they all seemed much cooler than him. Jisung broke his thoughts with a nudge to his arm, " If you're comfortable maybe one day you could come over and watch the process." Minho immediately shook his head, " I don't want to intrude and be a distraction." Jisung scoffed, " Hyung you wouldn't be intruding if I'm the one asking you to be there." Minho looked over at him, Jisung was looking up at him with a wide smile, he couldn't stop the shy smile that spread across his own face, he hummed " I'll think about it. Do you want me to wait with you until they get here... or should I go?" Jisung looked up " Oh I didn't even realize," he let out a chuckle " Do you mind staying and chatting?" He asked, looking up to Minho. " No, I don't mind at all." Minho smiled, a genuine smile that reached his eyes. Jisung just felt so nice with no ill intentions. And with that they chatted for a few minutes until Chan and Changbin showed up, Minho didn't want to hold them up, and honestly wanted to just go home. They waved goodbye, " Oh! Text me later, Mkay?" Jisung yelled out, then turned to keep walking. Minho's smile faded, they were walking away so why was he starting to feel even more nervous? Sighing he started walking home, fighting off a panic attack until he was safe at home.

His parents weren't home as usual, they typically work till 6 pm, 8pm on busy days. Which was nice, they weren't the nicest to him especially after work. He never blamed them, he should be a better son, he tried so hard to be better. He was exhausted. More mentally than physically, his vision blurred as soon as he walked through the door. "Fuck... maybe I should eat something.... I mean do I need to?" He sighed, shuffling to the kitchen. He went to the fridge, opening it and instantly groaning. He was so hungry but looking at all the potential things to eat stressed him out, while also making him nauseous. Closing the fridge, he walked to the pantry, scanning the shelves. "Oh, a protein shake sounds good." Minho grabbed the medium sized shake and walked to his room, he put down his backpack and the shake. I should probably shower huh. He wanted to work out, his parents did just get some new equipment for their home gym, but Minho was so tired. Opting for a shower he peeled himself off of the floor. His bathroom was connected to his room, it was so close but felt so far away. Sighing as he finally made it to the door, was he being over dramatic over the small distance he had to walk? Yes, yes he was, standing at the threshold of the door he looked over to his small jewelry box behind his cologne, he debated but the thought of hurting himself made him even more tired. So he chose to just take a shower, although he really, really wanted to feel some sort of pain. Instead he turned the water to a scalding temperature, he just wanted to feel something else that's not the sludge in his lungs, limbs, and head. He had a stressful day, and the pain was the only way to calm himself down.

With a sigh he slipped down to the shower floor, letting the hot water fall, calming him down. He let his mind shut down, letting his thoughts relish in everything that happened today, he hasn't met anyone that was so nice to him since elementary school. His mind flashed back to when Chan rubbed his forearm to comfort him, god am I so pathetic to the point where that made me flustered, Minho shook his head. The heat was making his vision fill with dark spots, he shrugged it off, he deserved the discomfort. Letting his mind relax further, the overwhelming sensation to die crept up. Minho had already made his mind up, graduate high school and then end it. He has always wanted the satisfaction of graduating, making his parents proud even though he knew they wouldn't. He chuckled, they would never be proud of him. Not after they found out about him being bisexual, they were disgusted. Minho groaned, he just wanted his brain to shut up. He should have brought his blade...