It's Not Selfish To Want To Live

Please Wake Up

TW: Medical Discussions,
Implied Suicide Attempt
Implied Abuse
Talk about Self Harm scars

Jisung's mind was the closest to being empty it's ever been. The only thing replaying was Minho's cold, pale face, with a chilling small smile painted on it. It's been a few days, and there was no sign of him waking up anytime soon. They overheard the doctors saying he flatlined twice, and they had to pump his stomach, along with several blood transfusions. He had to undergo surgery to close up and repair the two arteries he managed to slice open. Jisung felt sick to his stomach hearing the news. But it was Wednesday, they were alternating being there, Felix and Seungmin were sitting on the other chairs around Minho. A nurse came in, saying she was his nurse the first time he had come to the hospital; she explained how he had too much trauma to his head, that was mixing with the sleeping pills, and blood loss, his body put itself into a coma to recover. Jisung sighed, as he listened to Felix sniffle, gripping onto Minho's hand for dear life.

The first morning, when they all had woken up, and everyone saw the deep scars covering his arm, and when the nurse had to move him to change the bandages on his back. The scars they could see on a small part of his leg were...terrifying to say the least. His Minho had been hurting for years... They all collectively sighed as they heard Minho's mother and father fighting outside again. Somehow they had managed to pay off the hospital to overlook the clear signs of a beating and a literal lashing. And since he was in a coma, they signed the conditional voluntary admission papers, denying the mental institution from putting him in impatient. The homeschool transition hasn't started yet, hopefully they can convince his mother to let him go. His mother seemed...nice. Selfish, but this whole thing seemed to open her eyes a little. She came in when Jisung, Chan, Hyunjin, and Jeongin were there, and explained a little of the situation and how long it's been going on. She explained that she was divorcing her husband, (Even though it was solely for her career in Jisung's opinion) and she was going to "support Minho'' however she could. Jisung scoffed, but Chan swatted at him.

They had to go back to school tomorrow, while one person still skips to be by his side. They were sure waking up to either of his parents would not end well, although his father was only here to deal with the insurance and hasn't been back since. Chan was staying tomorrow, and then they decided going based on age, much too Jeongin's dismay. "Hey boys..." They all jumped, looking over and sagging when they saw the familiar nice nurse, Ms. Kang. "Visiting hours are almost over, you guys need some proper rest, and proper food alright." They numbly nodded, Seungmin holding onto Felix as they exited, Jisung hung back for a minute, "Alright baby, stay strong for us, Channie hyung will be back in the morning. I love you Min." He softly kissed Minho's now slightly warmer forehead. Waved goodbye to the nurse, and shuffled out. They waved at Felix as he got into Hyunjin's car, and waited for Seungmin's sister to pick them up. "So, have you read the letter yet?" Seungmin broke the silence. Jisung sighed, "No...I-I can't get past the first sentence." "That's okay Sungie, you don't have to read it either." Seungmin had a point, "I know... but what if it'll have something, I don't know... important we need to know to help him?" Jisung groaned, he was so tired. He felt arms wrap around him. "He's going to be okay, Sung."

~~~

Jisung quietly entered through his front door. He quickly walked through the living room, avoiding his parents. Shuffling into his room. He tripped on his way to the bed, "Fuck, this is why Chan yells at me to unpack." He groaned, and picked up the bag he had at Changbin's too many days ago. He sorted through the clothes, and essentials he was just grabbing and shoving back in there for some reason. "I'm a mess..." He picked up and threw the last hoodie, and a paper almost flew with it. He picked it up; 'Chan' Fucking shit... He slowly reached into his bag again, feeling around and finding three other envelopes. "Damnit Min." He sniffled. He tried to take deep breaths, but he bursted into tears, but made sure he didn't mess the letters up. He felt around for his phone, and tried to click on Chan's name. The phone dialed, and Changbin answered, oh...he must have mis-clicked... "Hey Sungie...are you okay?" Jisung cried harder at the softness in his voice. "Sungie bub?" Changbin let out a soft sigh, "I'm right here Jisung, talk to me." Jisung's breath hitched "P-please 'm sorry I-I miss cl-clicked" he let out a shuddering exhale. "That's okay bub," he heard shuffling, "Sungie baby, what's wrong?" Changbin's soft voice filtered through after he heard him whispering to someone. "The letters hyung...Min- he put the other l-letters in my b-bag hyung...I-" Jisung was hyperventilating at this point, he was hit with the realization he had been out of his medicine for two days, and he was panicking. "Jisung, you need to breathe with me okay?" He faintly heard Changbin. But it was like his head was under water. He was gasping, only to panic more because it felt like the air was water filling in his body. He could register that he was crying harder. "Sungie, Channies on the way okay bub. I need you to feel around you, you're in your room, you're safe, you're okay." "Nono not o-okay" Jisung hiccupped. "...I know it may feel like that Sungie, but Channie hyungs already at your apartment, you're gonna be okay." Jisung nodded, not really registering he was on the phone anymore.