It's Not Selfish To Want To Live

Numb

TW: Medication talk ~Suicidal thoughts/ ideation~Self-harm~ Side Effects of~Antidepressants

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ

Minho gripped Jisung's hand as they sat in the back seat of Hyunjin's car. It's been over a month since he was last at school if he could even remember correctly... He was on medical leave so nothing was being held against him like tests and such but damn was he nervous... They reassured him but that only helped for so long. He was still so tired... his dosages for everything had been lowered twice, and his brain activities regulated to a somewhat healthy amount, he was finally off of phenytoin, so he was left with a stutter when he got extremely anxious or just really sleepy. His nausea had surpassed, they've been trying to get him to eat more but he sticks to one meal a day. He's currently 5 days clean...which hasn't happened in years. But he wants nothing more than to absolutely rip through every vein to watch the blo- "Alright baby we're here." Jisung shook his arm lightly. Minho's breath hitched and he stiffly got out of the car. Hyunjin and Jisung were already by his side distracting him as they walked to class. Minho totally didn't have a panic attack in the bathroom causing them to be almost late... They walked him to English even though they were now late for their own classes, Jisung kissed his cheek and they said goodbye. First period wasn't bad at all, Felix went on and on about nothing in particular. And in second period they all surprised him by showing they kept a whole notebook of notes that he missed. He was in third period bored out of his mind. The teacher just wrote some half-assed notes about something and then gave them equations to solve that took like five minutes... and went to text Jisung when his mom texted him first, explaining he had an appointment to see what antidepressants suit him... He sighed and put his head down. He supposes not feeling is better than whatever the hell he's feeling now... Waking up and knowing you're gonna have a bad day by the emptiness enveloping your core, or the horrible thoughts that scream so loud you can't keep up in a conversation. He texted her an 'Okay, thank you' and laid back down. That empty feeling was what he felt waking up again today. The anxiety at least gave him something to feel...

He jumped at the bell and made haste out of the stuffy classroom. Almost colliding into Jisung. "Woah baby, you okay?" Jisung held his arms out thinking he had to catch him, he nodded and just leaned his head on his shoulder taking a breath. Jisung instinctually wrapped his arms around him. Something they could all now do without fear of hurting him, the wounds on his back were close to being fully healed. "I've got you hyungie." Minho hummed in response, pulling away and taking Jisung's hand, "I have an appointment tomorrow to get antidepressants." Minho tugged him along and explained. "Oh, how do you feel about it?" Jisung rubbed his knuckles, "Indifferent. I just don't want to be asked a million questions about my crippling mental health." Jisung squeezed his hand, "Well I'm proud of you." Minho turned and smiled, "I wouldn't be in this spot without you, so thank you honey" he pulled Jisung into a kiss. Jisung hummed into it, pressing against him since they were alone in the hallway. Minho kept a firm grip on his waist when they backed into the wall behind him. Jisung licked into his mouth, and Minho bent down a bit more. Jisung made a small noise as Minho bit down on his bottom lip. A pit of anxiety formed in his stomach, but they thankfully pulled away from each other for a breath. Jisung's lips were cherry red and inviting, "Well aren't you needy today." Minho teased, giggling when Jisung blushed, he patted his head, "The others are waiting, we should go." Jisung nodded and walked along behind him.

"Damn did you guys make out in the halls, what took so long?" A very hangry Changbin asked, Minho sat Jisung down before sitting himself, "Yeah sorry" Minho said putting his bag down, seeing Jisung splutter and giggle. Minho glanced back up to see a multitude of different reactions. "Uh, what are we feeling today?" Chan cleared his throat and asked. Hyunjin slinked around him, "I want burgers." Chan nodded, and ran his hand through Hyunjin's wavy hair without messing it up, "Does anyone have another request?" Minho stayed quiet, maybe he'll munch on a few fries. "Alright we'll be right back" Chan stood up somehow balanced even though Hyunjin clung and was on top of him. "So" Felix started, heavily staring at Minho and Jisung. "So?" Minho inquired leaning in matching Felix, " Are you two together together or together ...together?" "Lix would it kill you to actually make sense for once?" Jisung groaned, Felix furrowed his eyebrows and glared at him, "You know what I mean!" Minho chuckled and turned to Jisung, "Well...what are we darling?" Jisung blinked at him, pink flooding to his cheeks, Minho reached over with a smirk, caressing his chin, "Cat got your tongue baby?" Jisung shut his eyes and whined, "Hyungie please" Minho laughed, turning back to Felix, "We apparently don't have a label yet." Felix smirked "Mhm..." Jisung huffed a breath, "You're genuinely going to kill me... but...we can label it now..." Minho looked over and tilted his head, "Is that so?" He bit back a grin watching Jisung squirm. Jisung reached for his hand, "Yeah we already act like we're dating..." It was small but Jisung continued, Minho decided to take mercy on him as he felt the tremble in Jisung's hand, "Mm, I'm so lucky to have such a cute boyfriend." He leaned in, kissing his temple. Jisung covered his face with his other hand while the table cheered, well Jeongin didn't cheer he said something along the lines of " My poor virgin eyes can't take this." Making them chuckle. "Hyunjin is going to be livid when he comes back." Felix giggled and wrapped around Changbin. Minho chuckled, "He'll be fine." As they chatted, Jisung slowly scooted over toward Minho. There's been a bit of a shift in their relationship...something Minho loves. In the beginning, Jisung was the one to initiate hugs and cuddles, but sometime in this past month that changed, Minho was the one that had to pull him closer, reassure him with kisses, and test his teasing limits. Jisung did not take the teasing well, he'd always end up curled into him hiding his face, mumbling about how cruel he was. Minho wrapped around his waist and pulled him closer, "Was that too much for my baby?" He whispered as he moved his leg so Jisung was sitting in between them. Jisung nodded, "You're so mean...and cool...and too hot." He complained, Minho huffed, he was the complete opposite of the last too... "I'm sorry sweetheart, I'll stop teasing if you really want me to." Minho cooed into his ear as he played with his hair. Jisung grumbled, "I never said that..."