It's Not Selfish To Want To Live

Opening Up a Bit

TW:

Self-harm right in the beginning (***)

Eating Issues

Implied Child Abuse

Implied Sexual Assualt/Abuse

Bullying

Homophobia- derogatory term

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･

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He stared listlessly at the blood streaming over his thigh. He was thinking. Did he want to get better? Sure...he supposes that sounds nice. Because the self-harm was slowly not cutting it anymore. The hitting helped, poking at the bruises all day was pleasantly unpleasant. But he was cutting deeper to no avail, he would hit white and it would bleed profusely but it would barely hurt. Not to mention he was losing feeling in the top layer of skin on the tops of his thighs, inner calves, and hips from slicing the nerves too many times. He sighed and shifted, hissing as the hot water felt like lava on the new wounds. He should get out soon...He woke up early again and made breakfast, making it a goal to eat at least a bowl of oatmeal.

****

He patted himself dry and slipped his clothes on, he felt way off today, had a weird nightmare about his father, he felt trapped in his mind. He heard a door open so he sucked in a breath. Jumping at the knock at the door even though he knew he was coming, he pushed a small exhale and opened the door. Breaking into a smile at the sight of Jisung rubbing his eyes, "Good morning cutie." He kissed his cheek and moved out of his way, "G'morning hyungie, how are you already ready for school..." Jisung mumbled, Minho giggled gently pushing him into the bathroom, "I have breakfast ready so hurry up." Jisung perked up. Minho went to go wake the others up. When waking Hyunjin up, he flopped over Chan and his arm hit Minho's thigh. He chuckled through the pain and answered that he indeed made coffee.

He finished making the porridge and cutting up fruit, thank goodness for Chan, he would always go with Hyunjin to grocery shop, Minho was terrified of what Hyunjin would bring home if he went alone. Felix rounded the corner with a yawn, "Morning Pixie." Felix blinked and looked over, eyes widening at the stack of pancakes, "Hyung you should've woken me up! I would have helped!" Minho smiled, chopping a strawberry before turning and holding one out for Felix, "I don't mind feeding my boys." Pink tinted Felix's cheeks as he took the strawberry and mumbled under his breath. "Oh, and I made sure they got apple juice." Minho added Felix bounced, "Thank you hyungie!" Minho hummed and popped a grape into his mouth. They all shuffled into the kitchen from the smell of food and coffee. Jisung was much more awake and was attached to his hip as he brought the food to the table. He made their coffees, and Jisung finally detached as they sat down. 'Be cool, just eat. Simple.' He had a bowl and piled fruit in it. Listening to their sleepy rambles was the best distraction. He somehow felt after these two days, a wall fell down between them. A wall he fully put up to shield himself, from...essentially himself. He kept eating, trying to soak in the positives, like how warm his stomach was feeling, how the cramps calmed, that emptiness dissipating, and how he'll have the energy to function today. He noticed the small glances Jisung, Chan and Felix were stealing at him. He shrunk a bit as he ate the last of his berries, he still didn't like people watching him eat... He scooted closer to Jisung, ignoring the snicker from Hyunjin as the chair scraped against the floor, he put his arm around Jisung's shoulder and drank his coffee. "Whatcha laughing at Jin?" Hyunjin looked up, biting back a smile as he ate a piece of pancake, "You two being disgustingly clingy in the morning." Felix stifled and laugh, "Jinnie you literally have hickeys all over you." Hyunjin stilled, "Wow forgot you literally got banged last night..." Minho deadpanned and took a sip, seeing Jisung hunch over to laugh, and Chan's face turn red. "I plead the fifth. It was all Channie hyung." Minho chuckled as Felix and Jisung laughed way too hard as they ate. "It was not all me thank you very much." Chan interjected, "Right hyung... maybe you should be a bit quieter next time then." Minho snickered as Chan covered his face. Jisung gasped after a giggle, "Oh my god you literally got Chan Banged" Hyunjin bursted into a laughing fit, clapping his hands. Changbin chuckled, " And I thought we were loud Pixie." "Alright, no need to compare our volumes..." Chan tried to say without laughing, Minho leaned down behind Jisung's ear, "Wonder what pretty sounds I could pull out of you." Jisung spluttered, almost choking on his coffee. Minho giggled lowly and kissed his jaw.