It's Not Selfish To Want To Live

Cuddle Fortress

Tw- Vomiting (near the end)

Minho was awoken by light taps on his arm, he glanced up through sleepy eyes to see Jisung trying to wake up the trio. "Hyung get up, the foods here." Minho internally groaned, he wanted to sleep, not eat anything especially in front of them. "Sleep" was all he mumbled out before throwing his head back down onto the cushion. He heard Jisung chuckle, "I know you're tired but you need to eat something, we order a lot of food so there should be something you might like." Minho felt the other two start to stir awake at the talk of food. "I'm up, I'm up!" Felix said, somehow jumping up from the couch. Hyunjin too was slowly unraveling from his death grip on Minho. "Hmm, come on Min hyung, you deserve something tasty." Hyunjin mumbled as he struggled to sit up. Minho sighed, without thinking he made grabby hands to Jisung. Jisung smiled down at him before taking his hands and lifting him up with ease, 'He's far too light'. White spots flooded Minho's vision so he just leaned on both Jisung and Hyunjin. They guided him to the dining room, where they had what looked like a feast laid out. The others seemed like they were waiting for them, instantly Minho felt bad for stalling. As they sat down, the others started to dig in. Minho nervously looked around at the options, absolutely overwhelmed. Past all of the noodles, dumplings, and basically all of his fear foods, he spotted vegetables and a salad. He thought about the vegetables but they probably had too much butter in them. So he settled on the salad, although he would have to either get up and walk all the way around, or ask someone. Two things he did not want to do, so instead he sat there drinking the tea Jisung placed in front of him. The warmth and sweetness was enough for him tonight, his stomach was still churning from earlier. He started looking around, observing the other boys. Jeongin, and Seungmin were fighting over something that happened in choir. While Changbin was feeding Felix a dumpling. The two looked like a couple every time he glanced at them, maybe they were? Or maybe he was just being stupid and was looking too much into things. Then he noticed a still sleepy Hyunjin eating ramen, and then he made the mistake of looking at Chan. Chan was giving him an encouraging look, Minho quickly averted his eyes back to his tea cup. " What do you want to eat, hyungie?" Jisung said, tilting his head to the side. Cute. Minho blinked up at him, and shrugged " I'm not really hungry so I'm okay." The last thing he wanted was to waste their food. He had already had a protein shake, and strawberries earlier anyway. "Mm why not have some veggies? Just a little so you can take medicine for your head ache?" Chan spoke up, motioning for Seungmin to slide the salad container over to Minho. He shook his head, " My head doesn't really hurt that bad anymore. And I'm still not hungry yet." As soon as he let out the last word, his stomach grumbled. Minho kept his face from reacting, and just took a sip of his tea. Changbin sat across from him, breaking his attention away from Felix, "Yah, no one is going hungry in this house. Just a little salad hmm hyung?" he said, pushing the container closer to Minho. Minho sighed, he really wasn't getting out of this one was he? He took the container and opened it, it had the dressing on the side which is a plus, too much oil. It looked really good, he was expecting something plain, but it was filled with a handful of vegetables. If he simply turned off his brain, he would be okay with eating in front of them. " Thank you for the meal." He said quietly. He nervously glanced at Jisung, he must have gotten the hint and he turned his head, distracting the others so that the attention was away from Minho. He shakily lifted a single piece of cucumber, and bit into it, it didn't taste too much like ash. And with that they all had a very loud dinner, Minho listened to all of their stories, he only ate until he was almost full, leaving a little more than half left. But Changbin and Jisung gave him a smile after he was done. He felt...proud? Of himself for simply eating some vegetables.

They were now building a bed, or "fortress" is what Felix called it, of blankets, pillows, and plushies. While Minho was in charge of finding something to watch, he was nervously fiddling with the remote, he had no idea what the others were into. They all assured him that whatever he picked would be perfect as long as it wasn't scary, per Sungie's and Lixie's request. He wanted to choose his favorite comfort anime, but what if someone makes fun of it? He could put on his go to k-drama. What if they didn't want to watch a show? Should he just pick a movie? He never watches movies, the only movie he'd seen recently was a sad one. Panic settles over him, and on cue Chan sits next to him. " Need help Minnie?" He asked smiling lightly, Minho nodded, " Is uh anime okay, or should it be a movie, maybe a k-drama?" Chan reached over to rub circles on Minho's forearm like he always does, instantly calming some nerves down. " What do you want to watch? All of those options sound good, all of us here love anime, dramas, and movies. We aren't picky. If you pick a show, that just means we'll have something to watch next time if we don't binge it tonight. '' Minho sighed, of course Chan would say that. It did help though, he navigated through Crunchyroll and clicked on his favorite show. "Is this one okay?" Minho asked quietly, " Oh Fruits Basket, that was on Sungie's list, that's perfect." Chan smiled at him, Minho felt a small smile creep up. The others seemed to be done with the makeshift bed and getting popcorn for everyone, Minho cringed but that was replaced by a smile. Jisung finally looked up at the TV, "Oh! Fruits Basket! I've been dying to watch this one, Minnie hyung have you watched it already?" Jisung asked, turning to Minho with the most excited look. Minho nodded, "Yeah, its my favorite." Jisung let out a giggle as he clapped, " In that case everyone hurry up." He turned back to Minho, "Hyung do you want to sit on the couch or lay down on the fortress?" Jisung asked, tilting his head. Would Minho be overstepping laying with them? He didn't want to make anyone uncomfortable. Seeing the conflicted look spread on Minho's face, " There's plenty of room for you anywhere." Jisung said as he fluffed pillows. Minho watched for a second to see that everyone was settling down Chan and Jeongin near the front, Changbin and Felix already snuggled together, Seungmin sitting upright against the couch, while Hyunjin was handing out bowls of popcorn. There was more than enough room, so he wouldn't bother anyone, so he maneuvered down, choosing to sit the farthest away from everyone on the edge. Jisung frowned, he could see Minho looking at the empty spot he just made for him. " Wanna cuddle with Hyunie and I hyung?" he finally asked when Hyunjin finished handing out bowls. Minho looked up from his hands, Jisung was patting the spot next to him, while Hyunjin was shuffling over. As he was debating, Hyunjin pulled on his hand, Minho just let himself be moved in between the two. He was sandwiched between them, Hyunjin's upper body and head were on top of his torso, while Jisung moved Minho's hand to be over his waist as a nuzzled back into Minho's chest. Minho was surprisingly very comfortable, they made him remember how much he liked skinship. Chan started the show, and they all fell into a comfortable silence, munching on their popcorn. Jisung tried feeding him some but he shook his head while placing his chin on Jisung's head.

They were 9 episodes in when they decided to take a pee break, Minho had to go due to the pint of tea Jisung made him, but Hyunjin fell asleep on top of him. "I think Jinnie is asleep." Minho whispered to Jisung who had just got more popcorn. "Aw he looks so cute, let me take a picture and then we can move him." Jisung giggled. Chan came over and moved Hyunjin off of Minho, he didn't realize how warm Hyunjin was making him, he shivered at the loss of contact. Seeing as he was only in a thin sweatshirt. "Do you want a hoodie, or sweater Min?" Chan asked, Minho shook his head. His self depicting thoughts were rising, taking over his good mood. He just didn't understand why they wanted him here, he didn't belong here, it was painfully obvious especially when they all started talking to each other like they've known each other for 10 years. Minho didn't belong anywhere, after a few weeks everyone gets tired of him and throws him away, he was already bracing himself for it. But when that will inevitably happen, he doesn't think he'll have the strength to keep going. He rushed to the bathroom, feeling the panic rise up his throat, he locked the door and started pacing. The non stop thoughts of ending it all in so many different ways was making him nauseous, then the thought of all of them getting the news was what made him gag. He was already hunched over the toilet, it had been some time since he ate but that didn't stop the salad from coming back up. God he hoped no one could hear him. While dry heaving, he started hyperventilating. He reached blindly for literally anything hard, finding what felt like a hair brush, he started hitting his thighs. They had wrapped his cuts really well so he couldn't dig into them. With every hit, a burst of calmness washed over him. He struck his arm, biting back a wince as some knocked on the door. " Hey Minho hyung, you okay?" Seungmin's voice was muffled behind the door. "U-um yeah sorry I'll be out in a second." Minho yelled back but his throat croaked. " Mm take your time hyung." Seungmin called back. As Minho cleaned up, Seungmin went back to the living room, "He was throwing up, he must had been panicking I heard a smacking noise." Seungmin said quietly. They all looked up at him concerned, Chan patted for Seungmin to lay back down, " Mm thank you for telling me Minnie. Sungie can you go get more tea?" Chan asked, Jisung hopped up and he immediately wanted to make Minho feel better. Minho shuffled out of the bathroom with a sigh, he was beyond tired now. He walked back to the living room, when six eyes were on him. He panicked, maybe I was in there for too long? " Sorry I didn't mean to take that long." he said looking down. "No no you're okay, how are you feeling though?" Chan asked, Minho looked up confused, " I feel okay, why?" his throat was still hoarse. Not wanting to put him on the spot, or bring more attention," No reason Min, just checking in." Chan said with a smile. Warmth fluttered in Minho's chest, he smiled back before laying back down where he originally was. Jisung came back with more tea, Minho chuckled, missing the shocked smiles that were still laced with worry from the others as he did, " You're going to turn me into tea at this point Sungie." Jisung looked up, trying not to spill the cup, "Oh no you caught onto my master plan!" "Yeah not a very good execution Sung." Minho giggled, while Jisung handed him the mug with a wide smile. They all fell asleep two episodes later, snuggled up more than they were before.

~Stay Safe, and Stay Hydrated Loves!~