It's Not Selfish To Want To Live

Hospital Cuddles

Hi loves! I wanted to say really fast that Minho has a slur and slight lisp from the trauma in his brain from overdosing, past abuse, nerve damage, and a side effect of one of the medicines he has to take.

Minho's hands frantically roamed Jisung's upper body until Jisung brought one of his arms to hook around his waist, while the other carded through his hair. Gently patting to calm him down, taking control in deepening the kiss. Blissfully ignoring the awkward way they were turned, and the slight increase in Minho's heart rate monitor. Until Minho snapped out of whatever daze his panic forced him into. He whimpered, Jisung broke away flushed. Minho tried to scramble back but he was still too weak. "Jisung...I love you so much...I'm so s-sorry..." he shut his eyes and tensed up. Fuzzy memories flooded back, "Shh, you're okay honey, I'm not gonna hurt you. Open your eyes, hyungie." Jisung said just above a whisper. Minho did as he was told, it was a little blurry but Jisung was so close, cheeks red, matching his cherry-red lips. "I love you Minho hyung...so much..." he interlocked their hands, "honey...you're allowed to want to live...nothing about that is selfish, that shows how strong you are. You deserve the world, my love, it's gonna be a long journey but I'm right here to ease you into living for yourself." Minho's face crumpled, he leaned and rested his head on Jisung's shoulder with a sigh. "I'm tired Sungie...tired of this back and forth...I just want to be okay..." Jisung hummed, "You will get there, it'll be a long and difficult path, but I know how determined you are baby," Jisung brought a hand up rubbing his back, "How about we sleep hmm?" Minho sniffled and lifted his head, "Do you think...the bed's big enough?" Jisung blinked before his eyes opened wider, "Oh, uh you don't have to..." Minho started, "No! Just make sure you don't move too much and hit something okay hyungie?" Jisung rushed out. Minho nodded and scooted to the right. Minho easily slotted into Jisung's chest, "Is this okay? I'm not hurting your back?" Minho wiggled around trying to move his leg that was going to sleep, "Mm it...barely hurts...anymore." Partially a lie, it hurt but in a deeper way, the nurse was the one to explain when he was alone that whip lashes sometimes cause spinal nerve damage, which Minho had gotten. Thankfully it wasn't as severe as other cases, his back would have slight permanent pain along his spine, and he would get these random spikes of tingles in his limbs, from damaged nerve roots. His father did absolute damage...she explained the mental side effects that Minho was definitely feeling but was choosing to ignore them and tell her he was fine. The humiliation and fear had him in a chokehold it seemed, he didn't even want to know what the other punishment his father gave him was doing to his mental health. He never really...cared until now, about his mental health. But the fear and dread were a looming cloud over him. Even Jisung having access to his backside was sending warnings to his brain. "U-um actually Sung?" Minho stuttered, he got a faint hum in response, "Can I turn around a bit?" He stayed still, "Of course baby, you don't have to ask permission, get comfy okay? Do you want to weighted blanket?" Jisung softly asked, Minho took a breath trying to calm down, "Yes please." Minho sat up as Jisung got up halfway to grab the blanket, he draped it over Minho. Then laid back down, Minho huffed, he wanted to lay on him but his stupid arm would probably get tugged. Why was everything so difficult, and so overwhelming? Angry tears brimmed, Jisung perked up, "Hey hey, what's wrong honey?" "Wanna cuddle...but my arm." He was so tired. Jisung automatically got up and circled around to the right side, "I'll lay on this side of you so your arm can be over and elevated, is that better?" Jisung asked, God you are so overdramatic Minho, he nodded, "Sorry...I'm stressing myself out..." Minho mumbled, Jisung chuckled, "That's why I'm here hyungie." Jisung laid down keeping his arms open and holding the plushie in one hand, waiting for Minho. Minho shuffled and laid on his side, resting his head on Jisungs chest, softly grabbing the plushie to push under his nose as he sighed.

Jisung watched as Minho shuffled around, clearly, his body was broken down and was most likely hurting everywhere, but he was putting on a strong front. He wrapped his arm around, resting it on his waist. Minho took to plushie from his hand and brought it to his nose like he had been doing repeatedly since he gave him it. Jisung knew it probably smelled like him, it used to be on his bed next to his nightstand where he'd spray his cologne every day and cuddled with it at night. Did Minho like the way he smelled? Minho rested it under his nose and reached for Jisung's other hand, it was so refreshing to see Minho do as he pleased, he always made sure he was comfortable with whatever he did with small glances of permission. He place Jisung's right hand on Jisung's chest close to where his head was, "Is this okay?" Minho asked in a small voice, "Yeah hyungie." Jisung reassured, after a beat he spoke up again, "Hey baby?" Minho hummed, "Do you like how I smell?" He felt Minho's breath get caught, "U-uh yeah...actually a lot, s-sorry is...that weird?" "No not at all hyung, that makes me really happy. Ya know you have a natural scent of vanilla, even right now... it's so nice." Jisung yawned and giggled hearing Minhos flustered noises. "You do too...like pumpkin s-spice." Jisung smiled, but Minho's slur and stutter were increasing which meant he was past being tired, "Go to sleep beautiful." Jisung said softly, only for his heart to skip a beat when Minho dove his head into Jisung's hand and the plushie, completely covering his face. They quickly fell asleep, and even though they were in a hospital bed, they were comfortable.