It's Not Selfish To Want To Live

A Dam

TW:Eating Disorder description/habitsSmutty Smut at the end

I am so incredibly sorry for the long wait...I have no real excuse other than that I couldn't stop writing for my other fic...

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Minho took a breath, head spinning a mile a minute, his vision was blurring. But Jisung leaned his head on his shoulder and kept patting his leg and trailed his hand over his back, he exhaled, "I think I've been struggling for like...three years? I don't really know how to be normal...around food." Felix hummed, dabbing his tears with a tissue, "It's really weird rewiring your brain...but it's possible." Minho nodded, "I just...I think it started when I was punished and they uh... didn't let me eat dinner for a few days...But I wasn't going to school, so I just...was too scared to eat through the day...Sorry, I'm rambling." Chan took his hand, running his thumb over his knuckles, "You aren't rambling, you can tell the whole story or just the key details, anything that'll help you Min." Minho looked over at him and nodded, taking and interlocking their hands. "It snowballed into a control game. How long could I go, how much can I lose, how long can I hold onto this...hunger, it was the only thing I had control over. It was egged on when people had...comments, about my body, and...J-Jong-dae...But um it's a lot...I just feel like...I um...don't deserve food most of the time." He heard a breath being sucked in somewhere. "Mm, but Min hyung," Hyunjin started, "You have control, over almost everything now, you realize that right? Or do we need to do more?" Minho looked at him, "I...My brain is coming to terms with that...it's still weird and feels too good to be true...And I think...not having control over my thoughts...makes me want to control this, but you guys are perfect." God his hands were trembling... "You're doing so good baby, take a breath." Jisung whispered in his ear. He took a breath, closing his eyes. "That makes complete sense...So what can we do to help?" Seungmin asked, Minho hummed in confusion, they wanted to...help. There's not much to help is there? "I- Help?" "Yes bub, we're here to help you...have a routine, always have certain foods around, not overwhelming you with something..." Minho blinked, "Oh..." Jisung squeezed his thigh and sniffled, "I don't know...I'm sorry." "Nothing to be sorry about, we'll learn together yeah?" Felix reassured, Minho nodded, letting go of Chan's hand and patting it before turning to Jisung, "Don't cry my love..." He turned his body and let Jisung hug his waist. "I just- wish I knew...how to help..." Minho carded his fingers through his hair, "None of that darling...I'm okay, and you help me so much." While he said that his arm stung, almost like a 'you're a liar' smack to the face. Jisung sniffled again huffing out a sob. Jisung lifted himself up and kissed him, "I love you Min...You're so beautiful no matter what..." Minho smiled and kissed his cheek, "I love you too, so no crying hmm?" Jisung pouted and nodded, he's so fucking cute... Minho kissed the tears before they fell off his cheeks. "Alright...there's still decorating to do." That snapped everyone out of their sad expressions, "Oh yeah there is." Hyunjin sniffled, Minho smiled and sighed, he reached over and unpaused the Christmas movie they had in the background. He stood up, pulling Jisung with him, kissing him one more time, "Come on Pixie we have cookies and dinner to make." Felix hummed and kissed Changbin before jumping up, Minho took his hand and dragged him away, once they rounded the corner Felix tugged his arm and pulled him into a crushing hug. "Minho hyung I am so sorry for cursing at you." Minho tightened his arms, "Apologise accepted baby, but please I know firsthand how anger is sometimes the only thing you feel, especially when you feel like people are meddling." Felix sighed into his chest, Minho kissed the top of his head, giggling when Felix wiggled, "Let's get some electrolytes in you." Felix pulled away, and nodded, "Have you..." "Yeah...I used to, but not all of the time though. So no acidic foods for you." He bopped his nose at the end and went to get him a drink. They worked around each other and chatted, Minho made bulgogi and tteokbokki, pulling out side dishes he premade. "Minnie hyung?" "Hmm?" "Where'd you learn how to cook?" Minho stepped back and leaned on the counter, watching Felix roll out the last of the cookie dough, "Well I used to cook with my mom when I was young, but shit happened and that stopped, so then I just watched cooking videos for fun." Felix hummed, "That's kinda cute..." Minho raised an eyebrow, "Me watching cooking videos rotting in my bed sounds cute?" He giggled watching Felix tense as he turned, "No I- hey you're teasing me!" "Well don't be so easy to tease Pixie." Felix blushed and looked back. "Baby, are you being a menace again?" Jisung asked as he went to wash his hands. "No of course not." "Mhm, can't take you nowhere..." Felix giggled, "You need to keep him on a leash." Jisung laughed next, "Oh he'd enjoy that too much." Minho fake gasped, "Says the one into pet play." Jisung turned around looking scandalized, Felix popped the pan into the oven with a giggle, "You're into pet play?" Jisung gaped, "N-No-" "Yes he is." Minho giggled and stirred the food. Jisung huffed and wrapped around Minho, "You really are a menace..." Minho sighed, "Your menace." Jisung giggled, "Yeah...I'm so lucky." He left an obnoxiously loud kiss on his neck.