It's Not Selfish To Want To Live

Retail Therapy

TW:
Implied Self Harm
Heavy discussion of Rape, and toxic relationships throughout the whole chapter
Implied Sexual Assualt

Phew... This one really flowed out... So enjoy the longer-than-usual chapter loves!

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ

Jisung sniffled, putting being angry at himself on the back burner. Why was he so damn stupid and careless when he panics? He knows better than to use any kind of tone other than a happy or joking one with Minho. Of course he slips when Minho so clearly needed to talk about what happened, instead, he scared him away. Watching him flinch away and stumble back on his knees was soul-crushing. He roughly grabbed a small fluffy blanket and the squirrel plushie, "I'm talking to him." He said sternly to Chan and Changbin. He took a breath and tried calming himself and most importantly his face, making sure to be conscious about his tone of voice. He knew all of their heads were spinning. They all heard him. Changbin and Jisung heard and saw the whole thing. Chan listened through the door at the tail end as he passed by to originally use the bathroom. It was so clearly not just a nightmare, not a panic attack, not a breakdown... Jisung didn't know... but the things he was saying were leading to two conclusions ...two things he was praying he was wrong about.

He peeked his head into the living room to see Minho staring at the wall. Distress and emptiness somehow painting his face. "Sweetheart?" Minho didn't stop looking at the wall but moved his head in his direction... that's unsettling... "I'm gonna sit in here so we can talk okay?" Jisung kept his voice clear and soft, Minho nodded slowly. Jisung put his blanket down and crouched in front of Minho, "I need you to look at me baby, I need to know if you're really here." He softened more. Sighing in relief when Minho blinked rapidly and looked down at him. "Hi honey..." he placed the plushie down, smiling when Minho smiled slightly and pulled it to his nose. "I'm sorry Jisungie..." Minho started, sounding lost. "No need to be sorry, I hate pushing you like this Minho but... we can't keep letting you self-destruct. We can't have you removing yourself from the situation because you think you are the problem when you never are. Never will be..." he took a small breath, kissing Minho's blanket-covered knee, " I wasn't mad at you, I was mad at myself for having a panic attack, which I know I shouldn't be, Chan Hyung already lectured me for five minutes." Jisung smiled when Minho's lopsided grin appeared. " I know you want to get better baby, we all want you to get better because we want nothing but happiness and freedom for you. But you can't keep...bottling this up my love." Minho sniffled, "I-" "No apologizing, especially for the trauma that was forced on you, especially for mental health problems you never asked for and are fighting every day." Jisung cut him off, seeing the 'sorry' form in his sentence. Minho stuttered, fully breaking down in a matter of seconds. Jisung went with him as Minho pulled at his arms. He shuffled on the armchair that thankfully had room, he scooped him up patting his head and rubbing small circles on his upper back. Minho sobbed, bordering on wailing into Jisung's sweater. He was gripping the plushie and blanket. "I know baby...I've got ya." He cooed and soothed him for a long time, Minho sniffled and let out a heavy breath, "Y-You're right... I s-self-destruct when I-I'm alone..." Jisung patted his back slowly, Minho shuffled and lifted away from him looking him in the eyes. "I-...I just was h-hoping you all would...leave me alone with my baggage...ignore my breakdowns...I hate how much I affect you all." Jisung nodded, "Minho. You do have 'baggage' something that was forced on you. But more importantly, something we all see, something we want to help you with. We have never seen you as a burden baby. While I can't speak for everyone, I know the others want nothing else but to help you, and be here for you, no matter what. It's the whole friendship and love thing we've got going on." Jisung finished with a smile, trying hard not to cry as he watched Minho's face morph into confusion and shock. Minho leaned his head on the couch cushion to think, "Really?" "Really darling. We love you." Minho whimpered, squeezing the plushie, "I love you all too...I am sorry for closing up, and not letting you all help..." Jisung smiled, "Apology accepted, please, take your time with everything of course. But never hesitate to talk to us." Minho let out a shaky breath and firmly nodded. He let him take a few more full breaths, "Min..." " Hmm?" Minho looked up, blinking an eyelash away. "Whose Jong-dae?"