It's Not Selfish To Want To Live

Sweet Embrace

Minho's breath was still stuttering, "You're okay hyung, just breathe with me." Jisung was rubbing his hands around Minho's trying to use the sensation to help him calm down. "Okay Sungie we're gonna go to class, give you both some space okay?" Chan asked, earning a nod from Jisung, "I love you Min hyung." Jeongin whispered as he walked by, catching up with the others. Hyunjin walked some steps away, and stood waiting so he could take over and walk Minho to their class. Minho listened to Jisung's encouraging words, only taking a minute to calm down, "I'm so sorry Sungie, I'm really anxious today, thank you..." Minho said, finally able to get a sentence out. "No need to apologize baby, you did amazing...We'll talk more later okay hyung? We should head to class." Jisung said with a warm smile, getting up and grabbing both of their bags, Hyunjin was over in an instant, taking Minho's bag and helping him up. Minho giggled, the sound shocked the two, "I really don't need two people to help me up all the time ya know." Minho's lopsided smile spread, but he still took both hands. "Mm well that's too bad because you're stuck with us hyung." Hyunjin smiled, Minho sighed, Not for long though...

"Bye hyungs! Have fun in art!" Jisung waved at them as the two walked into their class. As soon as the classroom door shut his smile fell. What Minho had said before the bell rang chilled Jisung to the core. What did he mean? They haven't known each other for a long time, but Minho was easy to read. So why was it so hard to read him now, he seemingly was lying but telling the truth all at once. Jisung's headache came back in full swing as dread filled him. He needed to make sure Minho was not alone this whole weekend, there was just something so obviously off about his reaction, his mood, his somber words, everything. Jisung slowly started walking to class, not reacting while the late bell rang throughout the hallway. His thoughts were fully consumed by Minho.

"Oh hyungie, you missed the worst project ever, it was paper mache. Messiest shit ever." Hyunjin said while fake gagging. Minho chuckled, numbness was started to rise under his skin, he needed to enjoy this moment while he could. He could tell Hyunjin was slightly uneasy, which hurt his heart, but he was clearly trying to be distracting and his usual fun self. "Hey Jinnie?" "Hmm?" Hyunjin hummed, looking up at Minho. Maybe it was because the cuts on his thighs, or the gashes on his back. But a nagging feeling took over. "How are you? Any thoughts about relapsing, or have you already? You can always talk to me about it." Minho said carefully, Hyunjin's eyebrows went up, his breath visibly hitched. "Um... I'm okay...yeah I'm alright." He said, voice a little tight, as he fidgeted with his pencil pretending to be interested in what he was drawing. "Jinnie... I know you better than that, please you're a priority too, I want to make sure you're being taken care of." Minho said scooting closer, Hyunjin flushed. "I- relapsed...not hard just- a few. I was blaming myself for a lot of things..." A lot of things that involve you, goes unsaid, Hyunjin didn't want Minho to feel responsible. "After all of those months, I caved..." He sighed, " I feel like a failure, Channie hyung was so proud of me...and now...I cant even look at him. I tried so hard not to blame myself it was so... stupid. I'm just so stupid." Hyunjin said with disgust. "Hey hey, Hyune look at me. You are so incredibly strong for going so long, recovering is never easy but you're doing amazing. I can assure you Channie hyung won't be disappointed or disgusted, he'd be happy you came to him, and will try everything he can to help you through this. Thank you for telling my bub, you are so far from stupid." Minho reached over to where Hyunjin was clutching his pencil. Hyunjin sighed, "I really needed that hyung..." he mumbled as he let his head fall onto Minho's shoulder. They were turned around, facing each other, so Minho brought his hands around to lightly hug the other. "Why can't you take your own advice Min hyung?" Although muffled, Minho heard him, and his heart clenched. "It's different bub..."

~~~

Minho was almost there to his last class, heart hurting. Hyunjin had just let go of his iron grip, Changbin saw him in the hall and dragged him away, threatening that if he was late again he'd get detention. 'But hyungie needs me to walk with him!' he pouted, as Minho waved goodbye. As he turned the corner, someone bumped into him; his balance was already off from his ankle not healing well he crashed to the ground, a loud humph escaping him. "What fag? Can't keep steady?" Three slightly taller but muscular guys towered over him. He groaned, he had spent this whole time here only getting name called and pushed twice, and now these assholes are bothering him. Usually there was never an opportunity for people to mess with him, he was never alone, someone was always chatting with him on the way to class even if they needed to go the opposite way. He tried standing up but the one to the left easily shoved him down, this time on his back. He hissed, "Fucking shit" Laughing roared from above him, fuck this reminded him so much of his last school. "What's wrong pussy?" The one on the right taunted, "Aw I bet he's gonna-" "What the FUCK do you think you're doing assholes." Chan grumbled, strolling over with a furious Felix by his side. "Ah piss off Chan, this doesn't involve you." The dumb looking one in the middle scoffed. "Doesn't involve us! How about you take about 5 steps away from my Hyung you fucking twat!" Felix's guttural voice chimed on, causing them to falter, "Woah woah calm down princess-" "Oh shut the fuck up Dylan." Jisung came from behind, fully shoving them out of the way. "Oh baby are you okay!" Jisung rushed once he saw Minho on his back, face scrunched, looking terrified. "Yeah Sungie, I'm alright." Minho gasped out, Fuck he could feel his sweater soaking up blood. It was brown so hopefully it was noticeable. "Get the hell out of here, don't you have something productive to do." Chan glared at the three. They groaned, cursed and walked away. Chan let out a breath, "Minho, bub are you okay? Have they bothered you before." Minho stood up with the help of Jisung and Felix, "Oh, I'm good I promise...I think like once the one on the right has... it's really okay." Minho chuckled, that was nothing like what he had to deal with before. "Min Min Hyung...that's not okay, fucking nasty ass boys messing with my hyung." Felix looked in their direction and scowled. "Okay okay, you two need to go to class. So do we." Minho patted Felix's head, "Thank you guys..." he added. Chan looped his arm around Felix, "Anytime Minho, please come to us if that ever happens again. Got it." "Got it." Minho nodded with a smile. Watching them walk away, taking long strides, clearly still in fight mode. "Lets go sweetheart, we shouldn't be late hmm." Minho took Jisung's hand pulling him along, ignoring the sting in his back. Since he was ahead, Minho missed the absolutely flushed grin on Jisung's face.

~~~

A smile rested on Minho's face as he listened to Jisung ramble. Swinging their arms back and forth. They had a substitute teacher in their history class, meaning a five minute historical read and then chatting the rest of the time. They talked about all kinds of things, giggled at old memories, Minho noticed Jisung could never stay on topic. He easily avoided talking about himself, coaxing cute stories about the others out of Jisung. "Oh hyungie, is there anyway, like any at all, that we can see you this weekend? I'm worried..." Jisung stopped walking, seeing that they were close to the gate. "Um, I really don't know... my father... thinks I was dating you...and he doesn't really want me hanging out with people..." Minho looked down, scared to see his reaction. He heard a sigh, and his hand being squeezed. "There's got to be a way we could convince him... I don't know tell him I'm dating someone already, or we have a school project. Something." Jisung huffed. "Oh, a school project... that may work." Minho tilted his head, he's never used that excuse before. and Fuck it, he wanted to be selfish and hang out with them one last time. "It could be for your biology class? I don't know why but science sounds the most believable." Jisung pursed his lips. "Mm I'll try." Minho nodded with a small smile. "Minho hyung... just please...stay safe okay. If he hurts you please call us. I know you have us blocked because he saw whatever the hell he got upset over. But please, call Chan hyung." Jisung said firmly, caressing Minho's hand. Minho felt tears brim, damn this constant need to cry, they cared so much about him...It made him so uncomfortable that they knew about the abuse, but of course they didn't make it weird, or debunk anything. If...Minho didn't already promise himself, he would reach out for their help. But that's too late now, he doesn't deserve any of this love and care. "I promise I will Sungie... thank you so much, for all the things you and the others have done. I don't deserve all of... this." Minho said, lifting their interlocked hands, and looking down. "Minho hyung...you deserve so much...I hope one day we can convince you." Jisung struggled to get out, pulling Minho into a hug. He made sure to wrap his arms lower to prevent him from hurting the other. Minho melted into the embrace, letting his head fall into the crook of Jisung's neck, smiling as he breathed in that sweet dessert like cologne. Both sighing in content. "Hey guys, sorry to interrupt," Minho startled, pushing further into Jisung's arm with a whimper. He let his guard completely down, something he never allows himself to do. His breath got caught, "Hey its just Channie and Binnie hyung, you're okay baby." Jisung whispered, a small "oh" came out. "Sorry Min, I didn't mean to scare you I-" "No no, it's okay...I just wasn't paying attention, um I should head home..." Minho said, realizing they were here to get Jisung. He tried wiggling out of Jisung's grasp, but he kept a gentle hold, "Sungie I have to go." Minho huffed with a smile, "Mm I don't wanna let you leave me again." Jisung curled back into a hug, Minho didn't really protest, his heart was between clenching at what Jisung said, last weekend flashing in his eyes. And trying to calm down the fluttering, flushed feeling. Changbin chuckled, "Min hyung, how about you let us take you home?" Minho looked up peering past Jisung's shoulder biting his lip. His ankle was starting to hurt, and he was gonna go home to do a small workout anyway, "If its no trouble..." He said, muffled because his face was buried in Jisung's chest. "Of course it's no issue bub, let's go." Chan turned grabbing Changbin tugging him into a shoulder hug. "We get to cuddle in the back seat!" Jisung gasped, Minho chuckled, being pulled easily by Jisung. As soon as they made it in the seat, Jisung was already scooting closer. Minho had to be careful with his back, not wanting blood to soak through to the seat, so he turned. Jisung waited until he settled, shifting himself into Minho's chest and lap. Minho heard a laugh from the front accompanied by what sounded like teasing, but was too comfortable to pay attention, he wanted to enjoy every second of this.