It's Not Selfish To Want To Live

Brain Fry

Minho's head was swarming, he tried, he really did to focus and pay attention to whatever his administrator and counselor were telling him but he was only able to understand his schedule. He seemed to blink and the bell to second period rang, the guidance counselor , Ms. Kim-nim finished her... talk? She ushered him out of her office with a note for being late. He found his way surprisingly, matching the room number with what was on his schedule, he walked into the classroom. Handing the teacher his note, " You can sit anywhere with an open seat... Mr. Lee." Minho didn't even bother with looking up at him, but he finally looked around the class, to his surprise three people were waving him down. Chan, Changbin, and Jeongin were shuffling around to make room for him, feeling his nerves actually leaving he made his way to the back corner where they were. " Wow, what a great coincidence that we all have this class together hyung!" Jeongin said while tiny clapping. " Minho was kind of hovering, until Chan pulled out the chair next to him and waved for him to sit. " You're in this high of science Jeongin?" Minho asked while putting his things down. " Yup, our Innie is extremely smart." Chan said with a proud smile, he really seems like their dad, Minho chuckled lightly. " Channie hyung be quiet, anyways yeah I really enjoy science, so why not take the extra credit." Jeongin smacked Chan's arm away from pinching his cheek. "Oh! Give me your schedule Minho hyung." Changbin said loudly, making Minho flinch but gave him his class schedule quickly. He missed Chan and Jeongin giving each other a concerned look, as his head hung a bit lower. While they all were examining his schedule, Minho's head started to get fuzzy, unwanted thoughts bombarded him. Other students tried to tease him about pretty much everything, Minho tried to ignore them but they started getting more violent everyday. The light smacking around, to the pushing him down, then the punches he had to hide, them throwing things at him in the halls, but the worst; the words, attention whore, annoying, fake, freak, fa-

Minho was shaken out of his thoughts by Chan lightly tapping his hand, "You okay Minho? Today is probably really stressful already huh?" " Oh sorry, no, I'm okay- uh just zoned out- Sorry" Minho stuttered through that whole sentence, God why can't I just speak normal. Chan hummed while rubbing Minho's forearm, Minho usually hated being touched but Chans' energy was so gentle he found himself melting. "We were saying that in all of your classes but 3rd period, at least one of us are in there." " Oh wow really? That's a relief." Minho chuckled dryly but he was really glad about that. The three continued to talk, while Minho hummed and smiled showing he was paying attention, he really appreciated that they weren't forcing him to talk. The day was flying by, he figured out he had 1st period English with Felix, 2nd AP Biology with Chan, Jeongin, and Changbin, 3rd was Math alone, now it was lunch. Minho was absolutely dreading lunch, he felt like throwing up all day, between talking to new people, and just being around strangers, and the constant urge to run to the nearest bridge and jum- Oh the lunchroom was loud. Very loud. Instantly he turned back around and walked out, since it was an outdoor school ( only the classrooms in small buildings, and it mainly had outdoor sidewalks) Minho was determined to find a corner where he could sit and be dead to the world for the forty minute lunch break. He has never socialized this much, he was fried, his battery on empty and it was only half way through the day. Walking extremely fast, he thought he heard his name but his nerves refused to let him turn around. At this point he was walking around aimlessly, making sure he wouldn't be late to his next class he kept checking the time. He let himself drown in his own thoughts, the walking started to make the wounds on his thighs throb, but Minho didn't really mind. Finally he had art, he wasn't interested but it was the only class open, being the first one he asked which were the empty seats, the teacher said anywhere. Minho just sat in the middle. Students started filing in, being extremely loud, causing Minho to sink into his chair. He heard his name being exclaimed, he flinched and looked up to see Hyunjin. He saw Hyunjin's face twist but Minho put on his best fake smile and waved. Don't get him wrong! He was really happy to see the ferret looking boy, he was just so tired. Hyunjin's face soften as he sat next to Minho, " I'm so glad we have this class together hyung!" " Yeah me too, I'm not great at art, it was the only extra class" Minho chuckled, Hyunjin returned with a breathy laugh, " I love painting the most, but I love just easy sketches too. So if you need help I'm right here." Hyunjin smiled and winked before taking out his personal supplies. Was Minho blushing, over literally nothing, no definitely not. Surely he was just making empty promises, just to make fun of him later on? Why was he thinking like this? Even if they were good people, he shouldn't get too close just to hurt them in the end.

Art took everything out of Minho, he thought his morning killed him, but the syllabus made him realize this class was for people who were actually into art. It would be okay, if he simply didn't think about it, it would be okay. He's been nervous all day, his legs were aching from the constant trembling, it didn't help that he has been noticing some students giving him weird, dirty looks, or just staring in general. He just wanted to sink into the floor. But he had one class left, he was proud, he hasn't fallen asleep not once in any class yet. As he was getting close to the class door, he noticed Jisung was just ahead of him bouncing as he walked. Oh yeah he was in this class. Something about Jisung made him feel a constant flutter throughout his whole body, maybe it was his smile, the way he talked, his aura, or all of the above. Maybe Jisung would help keep him going, with his uplifting presence. Did he deserve that though? This "nice" act from these new people was throwing Minho's brain for a loop, he didn't deserve this kindness, he was a bad person, he didn't deserve kindness. " Minho hyung! Channie hyung told me you were in this class, come sit!" Jisung cheerfully yelled from the other side of the class. Minho was ripped from his thoughts, he couldn't muster up enough energy to smile though, he walked over to the seat Jisung was saving for him. He was so relieved that he had people to sit with. " How's your day been? I tried to call you at lunch but you I don't think you heard me, did you eat?" Minho's mind was trying to process what Jisung was saying. Did they want me to sit with them at lunch? Last time that happened, I was made fun of for eating, Minho did not want to go through that again. Oh he asked if I ate, when was the last time he even ate anything? '' Oh- uh I didn't hear anyone call my name, I'm sorry." Wow, talk about deflecting, real smooth. Jisung stared at him for a beat, " No it's alright! Tomorrow if you want you can sit with us, we sit outside under the big tree." Minho nodded, he really wanted to sit with them actually, talking to Jisung made him realize he wanted to get to know all of them. Did he deserve that though, he was just a freak that didn't know how to be an actual person. Spirally in his thoughts, he missed that Jisung was trying to study his expression, he could tell Minho wasn't trying to not be around them, he was just very hesitant for some reason. "I- we really like you hyung, you seem really cool, the other guys keep saying they want to get to know you more. If you're comfortable with that." Jisung said carefully, not wanting to intimidate Minho but at the same time wanted to make him feel wanted. Minho's brain was truly fried, as he let Jisung's words soak in, class was starting. Minho has only had one other friend, he didn't even understand what it meant to be someone's friend, he knew he wanted to keep hanging out with them, but he also knew he didn't deserve it. They would realize how weird he was, how he had so many issues that he wasn't actually fun to be around. He would hurt them in the end anyway, he shouldn't, but damn he really wanted to. Somehow he found himself leaning over to Jisung, " I'll try to find you guys tomorrow then." Jisung looked up at him with a shocked face, before Minho could over analyze it, Jisung nodded happily and started writing something. Quickly scrambling to give Minho the little paper, it was his number, this was the first time someone ever gave him their number. Minho was swimming in his thoughts with a small smile while his class flew by.

Question for you lovelies, what is your favorite nickname for Minho?