It's Not Selfish To Want To Live

Blue and Gray

"Has he texted you back yet Channie hyung?" Jisung asked worriedly. They were all hanging out, some playing Overwatch, while the others were chatting and on their phones. Chan sighed, "No, he hasn't even read any of my texts, or the group chats." Jisung deflated, he really wanted Minho to actually hang out with them, he was also concerned but he didn't know about what. Changbin reached over to pat his head, "It's okay Sungie, he'll answer soon. He's probably busy." Jisung pouted, anxiety creeping up. "Don't get yourself worked up okay, hyung always takes awhile to answer back right?" Seungmin looked up from his phone asking. "Yeah but he said he would tell me if he could come over, I don't know, I was getting weird vibes from him." Jisung frowned. "Aw Sungie is worried." Felix cooed, and Jisung rolled his eyes. He tried to relax, but Minho never left his mind.

~~~

"Fuck that hurt" Minho hissed as he rolled over to turn off his alarm. It was Monday morning, he made sure he woke up early for school, he knew it would take some time to cover up as many bruises as he could. His mother got him some concealer for that specific reason, it made Minho sick to his stomach. He rolled over to his other side just to hiss again, the cuts on his thighs rubbing against his sleep pants. He groaned as he felt a small amount of blood soak into them. He got ready, as he was applying concealer like he has done too many times before, he was fighting tears. He felt awful, not from the physical pain but from the unanswered texts on his phone. He wished they didn't care so much, it felt impossible to text them back. He desperately wanted to hang out with them, and didn't have the heart to tell them he couldn't. Jisung was the sweetest, 'Hi Min hyungie, it's okay if you can't hang, just know I'm right here if you wanna talk <3' Minho smiled, he finally opened all of the chats. They had texted him a few times, but it was still overwhelming. Sighing, he put down his phone, it was still early so his parents hadn't left yet. He could hear them shuffling around in the kitchen, the air faintly smelled like breakfast foods. Minho was kind of hoping his mom would call him down for food but he knew better. So Minho just sat on his floor waiting until it was time for him to leave.

He loitered outside of campus until the first bell rang, he really wanted to talk to the group but his nerves kept him put. On his walk, his mind blissfully empty for a moment, he cried. He didn't know what about; maybe it was the bruises that hurt with every breath, the deep cuts the stung with every step, his empty but cramping stomach, his parents that yelled at him before he left, the boys messages that were left on read. Needless to say his eyes were puffy, cheeks unnaturally red, as he was walking to first period. He let out a shaky sigh, as he walked, never looking up. Until someone bumped into him somehow pushing him into the wall next to them. "Watch where the fuck your going prissy boy." The kid said Minho had never seen him before. Minho bowed at him, with a small "sorry" " Yeah whatever pussy." The jock looking boy said as he turned away. Wow what a great start to the day. He pushed his way into his class. Felix perked up, but then frowned, Minho looked... empty, disheveled, put together but close to falling apart? Felix now felt the bad feeling Jisung was sensing. Minho still hadn't actually looked at him yet. But as he sat down Felix chose not to press the issue, instead he just wanted Minho to feel a little better. "Hey Minho hyung  , I'm glad you're here, did you do that stupid assignment over the weekend?" Minho glanced up, honestly he was so spaced out, mind spiraling at the fact that the bullying was probably going to start up again. Oh Lix asked him something, "Hi lix, I did do that thing, it was actually so dumb that my brain rotted a little." He said with a chuckled, in return Felix beamed at him, "Yeah it was so left field, I read it and didn't do it." Felix rolled his eyes. Minho let out a breathy chuckle again, he figured Felix didn't do it, "Yeah I figured, I wrote two separate paragraphs for it, do you want one of them?" Minho asked softly while booting up his laptop, Minho had so much time over the weekend he couldn't sleep a wink so he decided to do extra work for the next assignment. "Oh wow if that's okay, sure!" Felix smiled at him. He really was like a ray of sunshine, Minho could feel himself forgetting about all the physical pain as well as his suffocating thoughts. That could only last for so long though.