It's Not Selfish To Want To Live

Phantom Touch

TW:
Panic Attacks
Self-harm (***) before and after
A bit more explicit sexual assault/abuse PTSD (+++)
Don't feel any shame for skipping, you won't be missing too much okay? Stay safe when reading.

This one is a heavy one besties...
Also to the peeps that see long black-haired Hyunjin, I'm so sorry hehe.

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On the drive back Felix changed their danceracha group chat name to 'Groupies'. "I'm actually so nervous about this date..." Hyunjin let out a stiff chuckle. "Jinnie you see him every day, you'll be fine." Minho scoffed, although he would be feeling the same way if this was about Jisung... "Yeah Jinnie first dates are always nerve-wracking but it's just Channie hyung." Hyunjin hummed as they pulled into the driveway. They yawned and walked inside immediately to shower. Minho was the first one out, not wanting to look at his exposed skin for that long. He was kinda hungry... he shrugged and took his medicines. Sipping on water and looking blankly at the TV waiting for them to be done. Felix popped into the living room, Minho saw his face fall a bit when he looked at him. He smiled and held his hand out so they could cuddle. Wrapping around him with a sigh, "What is it Pixie?" Minho rested his chin on his shoulder. Felix squeaked, "Oh, Jinnie wants to dye his hair again, wanna come with to the store?" Minho nodded, "He wants to go pink again." "Mm, pink does look good on him." Hyunjin giggled, "Thanks hyung." He sat across from them drying his hair. "But are we feeling bubblegum pink or a pastel pink?" "Bubblegum!" Felix excitedly said, Minho nodded in agreement. "Bubblegum it is."

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One trip to the store. One messy hour gone. And Hyunjin was back to a vibrant pink. He was putting hair oils on while Minho and Felix watched, "I'm so jealous your hair grows so fast." Felix said, shifting in Minho's lap. "Mm, yours does too what are you talking about?" Hyunjin quirked an eyebrow. "No, it's different. I cut mine like six months ago and this," he flipped his small ponytail, "is all I got." Minho stifled a laugh in his hand. Hyunjin giggled, "It'll grow, be patient, maybe take my advice and use my hair growth conditioner." Felix pouted and leaned into Minho's chest, "Yeah I should, especially since I'm gonna bleach it soon." Hyunjin nodded. "What about you hyungie?" Felix looked up at him, "What about what?" "Ever thought about changing your hair?" Minho hummed and looked away, "No I actually haven't..." "Oh, you'd look good blonde." Felix said fluffing his hair, "No he needs color, I say red." Felix let out an 'oo' and played with Minho's hair some more.

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They were eating leftovers on Hyunjin's bed, waiting for the others to come over despite the late hour. Minho was munching on some vegetables texting Jisung, fighting off the desolate numbness clouding his head. "Hyungie~" Minho looked up to see Felix grinning. "Hmm?" Hyunjin rolled his eyes playfully, "You didn't hear a thing we just said did you?" Minho frowned, tossing his phone. "No...Sorry." Felix hummed and scooted closer to him, "It's okay, we were talking about going shopping this weekend for decor and maybe some clothes?" Minho nodded, "Sounds fun." he cringed a bit, he actually did mean it, it did sound fun. He was just so tired and not thinking about much. "You don't have to hyungie." Hyunjin assured, "No...I really want to. I'm just tired," he sighed, "and my stomach hurts." He pushed his bowl away and cuddled up to Felix, "What kind of decorating are you planning?" Hyunjin's gaze wavered on him before he spoke, "I don't know that's why we'll be dragging you along." Minho hummed and laid his head on Felix's shoulder.

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Jisung made a beeline to Hyunjin's room, while the others dispersed to the living room. He peeked his head in to see Hyunjin and Felix giggling, and Minho slumped and staring off. His stomach soured, but Minho looked up at him and smiled a little. "Hey guys, hi baby." They both looked up, "Sup Sung." Hyunjin perked up, taking their mess and going to leave. Jisung made his way over to Minho, picking him up, off of Felix. Felix kissed Minho's cheek and cleaned up too. "Missed you." Minho said and yawned. Jisung carded his hand through Minho's hair and kissed his forehead, "I missed you too, wanna go lay down?" Minho sighed, "I'll go lay down, you can go hang out." He pushed away and swung his legs over. "Nope, I wanna go with you." Jisung declared and pulled him up by the arms. "You can just come sleep when you guys are done watching that movie." Jisung shook his head, "I'm tired too, and I missed my baby." That cracked a smile out of him. Jisung pulled him out of the room, he almost felt like deadweight...