HAPPIER; jra ✓

057 | you've come so far

( TW!! talk surrounding suicidal
thoughts for a few paragraphs in the
middle of this chapter. please read
with caution if the topics effect
you in any way. <3 )

"Hey Adalyn," Dakota send her a smile as she entered into her office space, returning one as she returned the greeting. "I like your hair, it looks good."

"thanks.."

"It's been, I think almost a month since I last saw you.. how have you been?"

"I'm okay," she softly nodded.

"Yeah?" she subtly tilted her head. "Been doing anything fun lately?"

"I think I'm going out for dinner tonight with my boyfriend and parents.."

"Okay.. And have you been up to much over the past month?"

"um my boyfriend and I went to Hawaii for a couple weeks to see his daughter.. and we took my niece as well.."

"Were you coping okay during that time?" she politely asked.

"um.. at times," she shrugged. "I think the first couple days I was sorta masking it.. then there was a situation with my boyfriend that sorta pushed me over.. so I spent a couple days in bed without them cause I just- I couldn't bring myself to be around them.."

"mh," she hummed to acknowledge she was listening.

"but.. like once we talked through why what happened happened, I slowly started spending more time with the girls.. and although I wasn't the happiest, I did enjoy it."

"I'm glad to hear that," Dakota replied. "Did you want to talk at all about this situation that you're referring to?"

"uh.. I- I didn't really like how I looked.. and I thought having sex would make me feel better.. and uh he didn't really want to but I sorta black mailed him into it- which I know I shouldn't have done but like I was emotional and I thought he wasn't attracted to me cause I'm honestly not attracted to him, like I can't even look at him when we're having sex anymore and I love eye contact-"

"Anyway, back to the point.." Adalyn interrupted herself as she continued rambling, "I just- I thought that night, having sex would make me feel better about my body and like make me happy but it didn't, I felt worst before he even got his dick out to be honest."

"Okay.." she slowly nodded. "Firstly.. I know last time you were here, you mentioned that having sex makes you feel confident within your body so I understand why you thought it would help.. however sex isn't going to help everything, especially when it starts off on the wrong foot."

"I know," she admitted with a small sigh. "I just wasn't thinking that night, and like I said him and I have talked about it and I've apologised, and like he understands that I was sad night so we're okay.. we're doing better now."

"Okay, that's good.. Now, do you want to talk about what's made you change your mind on if you're attracted to your boyfriend?

"He shaved his curls off- it's stupid to say cause like he wanted to do it and I can't control what he does and he never said anything about my hair. But anyway I don't know why I said that, I mean at first I was unsure about how he looks but it's slowly growing on me. And like he cares about me a lot and the nicest guy I've been with, so I've been pushing all that aside."

"And how have you been mental health been going?" Dakota asked.

"I think my boyfriend thinks I'm gonna kill myself.."

"Well are you?"

"Can't you get in trouble for asking that?"

She softly shook her head, "I'd rather you tell me or even tell your boyfriend or friend or anyone instead of keeping it bottled up inside so you can get any help that you need."

"Well I'm not going to kill myself," Adalyn quickly replied. "I'm actually quite okay at the moment, I'm just sad cause I miss my baby and I hate being in my apartment.."

"Okay, one thing at a time.. why do you think your boyfriend believes that?" she asked. "Are you still hurting yourself?"

"No, I haven't cut myself since.. before we went to Hawaii," she explained after thinking about it for a second. "And he thinks it cause I'm sad and I don't know, been doing nothing and I've been watching Thirteen Reasons Why and apparently that means I'm gonna kill myself or something."

"You haven't hurt yourself in a couple weeks, that's good improvement. And I know that show surrounds the topic of suicide, but I can't stop you from watching it, the most I can do is continue to encourage you to talk about how you're feeling, okay.

"I actually think I'll be okay," Adalyn mentioned, the smallest of smiles on her face. "Lately I just haven't been cause my apartment reminds me of all the sadness I experienced when Jack was on tour and when we were broken up both times and the baby.. and I think it might just all catching up to me."

"Hawaii felt like a new start for me.. like um.. there was a moment, in the middle of the trip where we were laying on the floor and the girls were just laughing so much and just- it sorta just clicked that there's so much more to life.."

"And like although I want a baby so badly and I hate what happened so much.. there's still a lot of happiness in my life, like I have the most caring and loving boyfriend- like the way I feel about him, I've genuinely never felt before, and I have two of the most beautiful little girls in my life," she wiped a few tears away as they rolled down her cheeks. ".. I'll be happy, even if they're all I have in life."

"Oh and we're moving to Hawaii," she continued. "On.. Wednesday- or maybe Tuesday next week, I'm not quite sure but we're moving there.. I think it'll be good for my mental health before I end up hating this city, and then Jack can be with his daughter more, and we can just have the fresh start that we need."

"I'm so proud of you, you know that?" Dakota smiled at her. "You've come so far, you've always been self-aware but still, the fact you're able to admit when you're not doing well and then act on ways to over come those feelings is impressive."

"thank you.."

"Can I give you a hug?" she asked, standing up as she received a nod and walking over to the lounge on the other side of the room. Wrapping her arms around Adalyn. "I hope you have fun in Hawaii, and I'll always be just a phone call away if you need me.."

[ ₊✧ 💋 ∘* ☁️ ⋆ 🍒 ༉˚ ]

A/N

one final chapter with dakota :))

also look at me updating like everyday
this week basically