.Stone And Lumber (Johanna Mason X F.OC).

-Calm-

How odd is this...

How many has she killed already? In 2? In the Capitol? For simply laying a hand on her.

How many?

And how it that so different from this?

Sure, there was layers of clothing between them but the body sleeping next to her was not unknown too her.

And why was she laying on her side, with her head held up, and playing with the other's hair?

She just offered to let her sleep her tonight, tomorrow she'll pay of the peacekeepers or kill them if they don't accept it and get her home... So why did she want her to stay more?

When would she admit it?

Better question would be why she'd ever admit it?

All she loved was taken from her... She wasn't about to let it happen again, she'll stay alone, she'll be lonely, all to save the few she can still call friends.

No.... This girl is not a simple friend but she'd never be more either, she won't let it, she can't let it, she won't admit it.

It was not the first time, she could count several separate times she backed up under the advances and pushed away even if she started it and it was all because the other almost kissed her.

Who'd she be if she ever let that happen?

She can't, she can't have someone else to use against her.

And yet, when she was asked to lay down she did, and she stayed long after she was asleep.

Athena was a fool, the biggest fool tho still not number one, she was the second, 2, the fool-est of the two was the woman that loved her for herself when she couldn't even utter that word in dreams.

When did this happen? Why did this happen? Athena never wanted this. She knew the kiss on the forehead way back then was a mistake, something she never should have done... And it led too this.

How could someone as unlovable as Athena be looked at with anything else but disgust, all those scars, visible or not, all that blood, new or old, just why? 

And there were more things, things so few knew about, would Johanna actually be disgusted if she knew about it? Would she laugh at her? Would she be mad? Just why was she that hard to understan--

Johanna rolled over in her sleep, pressing closer too her, making it a bit impossible to move, too the left she fell off the bed, too the right she rolled over her.

Athena just slowly dropped her arm, as awkwardly as anyone could, resting somewhere across the side of the other, not really able to see in such dim light in the middle of the night.

This is awkward, this is all so awkward, she found herself wishing she still had all the feeling in her fingers, not just this residual mess, to be able to feel any part of her she was to touch normally instead of this dulled nightmare.

This also confused her, her own denial and acceptance playing a tug of war in her brain and heart.

She didn't want this but she should.

She did want this but she shouldn't.

Why is everything so complicated?

She dropped her head, it lying on her upper arm.

"You are such trouble little wolf." She muttered into the deathly silence of the dusty room she hasn't used in days or weeks before she showed up.

She carefully ghosted the back of a hand on Johanna's face.

"I wish that this was easier."

Despite the calm of the night, nothing seemed to be inside her heart and mind.