Milile pov:
I am honestly kind of mad at Nqubeko for forcing me to the doctor's office. I was okay without being diagnosed or rather being examined by a doctor because a lot usually goes wrong or even mess me up and exactly what i had been dreading happened. I am so heartbroken by the fact that Nqubeko will have to choose between me and the baby. In all honesty although I may have been pestering him about carrying my own child if this is a sign from God that we should use other methods to conceive then I fully accept because I am not ready to birth a child I won't even witness growing up or even be deprived of the privilege to give him or her a better life and upbringing then the one I had.
Nqubeko: "I am really sorry baby. I'm sorry I pestered.."
Me: "No, it's forced. You forced me Nqubeko because I never gave you the go ahead."
Nqubeko: "Kodwa sthandwa sami, would you have rather we stayed clueless and watched your stomach grow until you get into labor where we then lose one of you?"
Me: "Yes! Yes Nqubeko, because then I wouldn't even be thinking of killing my own child just to save my life."
Nqubeko: "Angizwanga?!"
Me: "I'm doing the abortion while it's still early.."
Nqubeko: "Udakiwe! You not killing my child Milile!"
Me: "So what?! You'd rather I die?! Nqubeko? Is that it?"
Nqubeko: "Don't be selfish! that's my baby too."
Me: "And I will be the one dying when it's born."
Nqubeko: "Don't be crazy Milile! We can even get you to give birth prematurely so our baby can be safe."
Me: "That's all that matters to you Nqubeko? A baby? A damn baby that we can conceive in various ways like you mentioned?! Your longing for a baby is so precious that you'd rather I die?!" You guessed it, I am already sobbing.
Nqubeko: "Listen to me.."
Me: "I'm listening." I wipe my face.
Nqubeko: "We will monitor your pregnancy closely baby then when you reach your eighth or seventh month even, we can admit you for delivery."
Me: "Kanti didn't you hear the doctor talk about only one of us will survive Nqubeko?! It doesn't matter if I give birth early or not!!"
Nqubeko: "Ayikho leyonto and if you dare kill my child Milile, don't bother coming back here."
Me: "Mxm!" I walk away leaving him in the kitchen. I just curl my small body on the bed and cry my eyes out. I think it's pretty clear that I was never meant for happiness or even peace in my life. I really don't understand what am I supposed to do now or maybe i've served my purpose? Crazy? I know but what else am i supposed to think when i'm in such a situation. Me aborting my child doesn't mean, I don't love him or her but i'm simply choosing myself. I don't have much of a choice here and uNqubeko has the nerve to come at me calling me selfish?! I know they say the dead can look after their own but how sure am I that I will be able to? I want to take care of mine physically while i still breathe.
*****
Nasi: "Mama." she whispers, lightly brushing my hair back.
Me: "Hey baby." I say after opening my eyes and wipe the little drool on my cheek. I then pull her to my arms and stay a few minutes with the her in my arms.
Nasi: "Let's go eat mama." she whines when I don't move or let her go. I chuckle.
Me: "You hungry?"
Nasi : "Yes mama." I nod following her out as she grabs my hand. We both take our sits on the table with plates of food in front of us that Nqubeko dished up for us. I whisper a thank you to him, Nasi says a short prayer before we all dig in.
******
Nqubeko: "Have you changed your mind yet?"
Me: "I am not changing my mind about this." I tell him then leave him there and walk away. I go the kitchen and start washing the dishes. I then hear the main door slam shut. After the dishes, I go check on Nasi so I can tuck her in.
Nasi: "Mamzo. I love you." I smile emotionally.
Me: "I love you too baby." I kiss her small cute face making her giggle.
Nasi: "When can I go to big school? daddy says im too small."
Me: "You will go to big school when you big enough baby girl." I kiss her cheeks.
Nasi: "I like having a mother like you." she says smiling.
Me: "I also love having a daughter like you." I lay next to her and start telling her stories that has her in fits of laughter.
Me: "Okay let's sleep now." I tell her chuckling too.
Nasi: "Night night." she whispers snuggling close to me and puts her hand in tshirt and rests it in between my boobs.
