Helluva Deal

34. Tell Me What You Need

„...And when you woke up the next morning, your fever was mostly gone, but also your memories of that night..." finishes Stolas his explanation, searching his imp's eyes again.

Blitz had fallen asleep immediately, after Stolas sent him over the edge in his almost torturously gentle way. He didn't even notice how Moxxie returned to them to check on the couple, but especially on Blitz. The smaller imp was rather worried at finding out his friend's maternity fever had returned with such force, causing him to become slightly delirious even. But when Stolas assured him that everything was all right and he'd immediately call them if anything became worse for the pregnant imp, he decided to leave the couple alone again.

Blitz woke up about an hour later, still feverish, and immediately saw the way his partner looked at him and asked what he was thinking about. One thing led to another and finally, Stolas gave in and told him about his trip down memory lane.

„Huh... I truly...remember none of that... Fucking hell, whatever Chaz injected me must've hit me worse than I thought at first..." murmurs Blitz now, while thoughtfully playing with Stolas' fingers.

Stolas furrows his brows, „Blitzy... Was that the Chaz guy you mentioned that other day?"

„Yeah. I totally forgot to tell you about that..." the imp shakes his head and then suddenly grits his teeth, „He was SO bad in bed! Couldn't do shit with his two shark-dicks, except of hurting! Honestly, still don't know how M and M ever got along with him..." he rubs his nose, then he notices Stolas' likewise shocked as puzzled gaze and shakes his head, „Sorry, my rambling doesn't make any sense to you... I'm still...somewhat dizzy, I think... Let me sort my thoughts, then I tell you everything, okay?"

„You don't have to. Not now, if you feel too groggy for that. Take your time," the owl-demon places a tender kiss on his forehead, making his imp blush and smile cutely, but he can't help but finally ask the question that's been burning inside of him for ages, „Just... Tell me Blitz... You said, he hurt you... Was he the reason you..."

Blitz shakes his head no, „Not directly, no. He...was the reason for me falling back...into my worst habit that night, though..." he swallows thickly and takes a deep breath in, „The night after we returned home...I met the succubus...and he did...things to me... They caused my breakdown and the injuries, you had to witness me suffer from that night..."

„But...why..."

„Yeah, that's the best part of it – I slept with Chaz to trick him and help Moxxie. But...the pain he was causing me with his incompetence in bed...was almost nothing in comparison to what I felt in my heart back then. I..." a lonely tear runs down the imp's cheek again, „Fuck, Sto, all the while he was fucking and hurting me, I was thinking about YOU. And I felt so incredibly BAD for sleeping with him! I... It's absurd, but I had such a guilty conscience that I..."

„...later drowned it in offering yourself for raping again... Oh, Blitz..." Stolas can't hold back his own tears and carefully pulls Blitz into a hug again, not bothering to be careful with his own injury.

„Hey, wait!" the imp quickly but weakly pushes him off again, „Your stomach, Sto!"

„Yeah, yeah... Sorry..." the prince roughly wipes his own face, „Don't worry, it's okay... I'm okay..."

„Sure you are, Birdbrain," Blitz smiles softly, takes the prince's face between his hands and gently wipes his tears away for him now, „You know... As stupid and shitty as that habit of me was... It had one good side though..."

„A good side?"

„Yeah. I don't remember that night when you took care of me because of that. But...I do remember the next morning, you know. I woke up and you held me in your arms... I knew that I must've missed something, but in this moment, I didn't care. All I cared about...was the way you held on to me, like I was the most precious thing you ever held. And in that moment, I...could turn the guilt I felt for sleeping with Chaz into a promise for you that I never told you about – I would do everything I could to keep you from getting hurt by me in any way. And although that promise kept us apart for so long...it was still good. Because in a way...it tied me even closer to you. Mentally. I allowed myself to think about you without hating myself for it even more," Blitz smiles weakly and caresses Stolas' face, „I also allowed myself to enjoy our phone calls and stopped trying to make them short. Not that it ever really worked... Because...no matter the reason you called, I could hear how happy you were during our conversations. So speaking to you was keeping you from getting hurt by me. And...it also was easier for me because then I could smile like a dumbass without you or anybody else seeing it..."