Midnight Shades

Chapter 8

It seems like his words just froze everything around me, yet I feel like everything is spinning around me, too, making me feel nauseous. There is a huge lump stuck in my throat, making me feel like I want to throw up. I want to respond, say anything, but my mind and brain can't react; they can't process what he just said.

My lips are slightly parted as I keep staring wide eyed at him, not even blinking for a second. My hands aren't shaking anymore, it's like I'm nothing more than a statue right now. Can't speak, can't see, can't hear and can't react, by any means.

My heart isn't there, it's like my own heart had its own heart attack. No longer working or beating. What does he mean? He first saw me at that tree? Alfredo? Not the morning before? Did he notice me staring at him for weeks that turned to months that turned to a year and more?

Was he there watching, too?

I knew this won't last long. I knew that I can't just have a good day without a surprise or a bomb just dropping suddenly, even if it's a good kind of surprise.

"What do you mean?" My mouth speaks, having no sort of any connection with my brain or body.

"I first saw you there," he continues smiling at me, his blue eyes shining even in the dark. "A few months ago, you were sitting there next to it, and you were staring at the sky and you had a little flower between your hands – a white flower."

I can't grasp some air to breathe them in, I can't find them, and it's like all the air around me has vanished from around me somehow. A few months ago? He first saw me a few months ago, and I remember exactly what day he is talking about. That day when I felt absolutely down and I was so depressed because everything around me suffocated me and the fact that I wasn't normal, and I couldn't reach out for Louis and tell him to just comfort me.

"A few months ago?" I barely whisper, still in my statue position.

"I saw you in May," his gaze turns to the floor but his hands are still firmly on my waist. "Yes, it was May. I saw you about three or four times."

Thank Lyara you didn't see me every day.

"How?" I question, wanting to know everything right now, feeling the need to know if I'm busted or not.

"I don't know," he shakes his head slightly and turns his gaze back to mine. "The first time in May, I was just sitting and looking around when I saw you. At first, I thought I was just imagining things because no one has even neared these trees, but then I saw you again in June. You were engraving something into the tree and you were so concentrated on it."

Alfredo. I was engraving the name I chose for the tree; Alfredo. Of course, I can't forget that day, it was the first time I saw him with the red headed girl.

"Then I saw you again," he lets out a nervous, breathy laugh. "In September, and I was sure then that I wasn't imagining things. You were always there after midnight." His blue eyes pour into mine as he says.

My heart has gained back its beats, but it is beating so hard against my chest, making me feel like it might burst out any moment now. I stare up at his blue eyes, his blue crystal eyes and just stare, unable to form any word; completely and utterly speechless.

What can I say? What should I say? Should I tell him, too? Should I tell him about my sleepless nights, just staring at him? Analysing him like a weirdo? No. No! I should never tell him something like that. I don't think I'll even have the courage to do that.

He saw me before. The morning before wasn't the first time for him to see me. Is that why he was slightly surprised when he saw me enter? Is that why he asked about my name? I can't process that. I can't get my mind through it.