Midnight Shades

Chapter 9

My heart, my mind, my breathing, and my being.

Everything vanishes the moment his lips touches my cheek. Everything around me literally stops, I can no longer hear him, or even hear my thoughts, I can't feel my heart beats and I can't grasp on anything to bring me back to life. I can't see anything but his blue eyes that stare right back into mine. Everything I see is blue, I can't avert my eyes and I can't blink.

How can all of that happen from a small, simple kiss?

How can I lose my attention because of that?

My heart slowly starts pounding heavily against my back and rib cage, going forward and backward. My mind seems fuzzy and unclear as I try my hardest to snap back to reality. My hands start shaking slightly, and I'm happy, at least I can function.

I'm overreacting. Why am I overreacting?

Because, I have watched that man every single morning, doing absolutely nothing. I have watched him and analysed him, admired him and fell in love with him, I laughed when he laughed and I felt my heart shattering when he seemed sad or down. I stayed the past year doing nothing but watch him and falling in love with him every day.

I was in pain every day, and I still am in pain. Pain of knowing that I can never have him the way I want to, pain of the fact that we are not like each other's. Pain of the fact that I can't stand lying to him, and there's no way to talk to him and get to know him except by lying to him.

I never had a trouble with who I am, I never wished to be someone else, and I never even questioned it. But the moment I laid my eyes on him, that insanely beautiful human, I started questioning everything. Who am I? What am I? Why are we hiding? Why can't we have a connection with humans?

And I hated that I didn't and I still don't have a single answer to any of these questions, and the other million questions that is inside my mind. I hate that it took me over a year to break a single rule and talk to him, I hate that I break millions of rules for him but I never got the courage to break that rule except for yesterday morning.

And the day I finally picked up my courage and strength and went to him, heard his voice for the first time and had him so close to me, I discovered that it wasn't the first time for him to notice me, that he saw me more than once. And above all of that, he kissed me.

He simply kissed me and it was such a beautiful, gentle cheek kiss, but I can't recover from it now. Here I am, standing still, not knowing what to do or how to react.

"I'm... s-sorry." The moment the words leave his mouth, I snap back to reality. "I know that I wasn't supposed to do that, b-but I just... I couldn't help it. I-I'm sorry."

"You apologise a lot." I smile faintly as I say quietly.

"I know," he laughed nervously. "So, I guess I'll see you soon?"

With a nod, I grip the hem of my shirt and ball it inside my fist tightly, "Yeah, sure."

"Okay." He nods.

I take a deep breath and a few steps back before slightly waving, "Bye."

"Bye."

And with that, I turn around quickly and once I'm out of his sight, I run. I literally run and pass Alfredo, not taking a breath and not looking back, I don't even wait for Esme and Wren, I keep running and running until I know that I reached the middle of the forest.

What am I running away from?

Everything; I am running away from everything. I'm running away from the fact that Louis kissed me, I'm running away from the fact that I actually spoke to him, I'm running away from the fact that he told me that he saw me before, I'm running away from everything. I'm running away from the person that I am, and the fact that I'm something else.