Midnight Shades

Chapter 35

Our fingers play together on Louis' tummy as we lay in peace on the bed, breathing slowly and comfortably without any interruptions. Every now and then, Louis would duck down slightly to press a kiss to my forehead, melting my heart and making me squeeze his hands in return.

"What's your favourite thing to eat?" Louis asks quietly, briefly looking at me.

I think for a moment before I grin up widely at him and say, "I absolutely adore pasta."

"You do?" He asks, raising his eyebrows up in surprise.

"Mmhmm," I nod. "It's so delicious! I could eat it for centuries."

"My mom makes it all the time," he laughs. "Maybe you should come by one time and have dinner with us."

I feel a rush of surprise running through my body as I say, "What?"

"Yeah," he shrugs lightly as he averts his eyes from mine, clearly nervous. "I want you to meet her, and my sisters, too. Do you want that?"

I blink surprisingly as I let that sink in. Louis wants me to meet his family; his mother and sisters. These kind of things only happen when the couple are getting a little bit serious, or are already serious. Right? Crap, does that mean that Louis is taking this whole thing seriously?

You might think I'm dumb, but I'm not. I'm just uncertain about a lot of things that has to do with Louis, so you can't blame me at all. I never thought that at some point I'd be sitting on a bed with Louis, half naked while we talk about everything and nothing, let alone meet his family.

Do I want this? Of course I want this. It somehow gives me a sense of certainty and security, it assures me that Louis wants this, that he wants me.

My grin widens if possible as I sit up straighter, crossing my legs and turning my body to face him before I say, "Of course, I'd love to do that."

"Yeah?" He softly smiles at me. "I'd love that, too. It'd be great to show them who've got my heart and mind at their best."

My heart skips a beat at his words and my mouth parts slightly. My heart then beats loudly and quickly as I swallow the lump in my throat. There's nothing but him and his blue eyes in front of me, and nothing but love and adoration in me for him.

I don't know what to say, because each word that I'm thinking about will open up many things that I don't want to open at the moment. How many times will I have to stop the words from coming out? How many times will I prevent myself from saying 'I love you' to him? Those words are stuck in my throat, choking and suffocating me, and no matter how many times I try to swallow them down, they'll always remain in their place until I say them.

Louis' blue eyes bore into mine as a tiny smile plays on his lips. He looks at peace, he looks comfortable and happy, and it strikes me in the heart like a sharp knife when I realise that he's just this way because he thinks that I'm something that I'm not. I'm deceiving him.

The love that I have for him in my heart is no longer pleasing me, it's paining me, hurting me and it's weighing me down. It's unbearable, even. Right now, Louis has given me something that I can't live without; his mind and heart. However, it feels like he just gave me more heavy rocks to pain my heart more, to weight it down even more.

What feels like hours, is only a couple of minutes before I snap out of my thoughts and softly say, "Louis..."

I'm one step away from sobbing—not crying, but full on sobbing. My body internally shakes from the feelings inside me as Louis raises his hand up to graze his knuckles along my jawline, with his eyes still locked on mines.