Midnight Shades

Chapter 40

Louis is never the one to hide his emotions, and I admire that greatly, so when he wiped away that one single tear and said those words, I get up from my seat and walk towards him; kneeling between his opened legs and placing my hands on his knees.

"I'm sorry." I repeat, emphasising on the word; hoping that it can deliver how sorry I am. His eyes dart up to mine as he sighs heavily before looking away.

"I don't understand why did you lie." He says coldly as he keeps his eyes away from mine.

I take his chin in my hand and force him to look at me as I say, "Because you wouldn't have wanted me if you knew that I'm different."

He grabs my wrist, taking it away from his chin as he says, "How would you know? Stop assuming that you know everything. Artair told Liam and look where they are now, what makes you think I'll be any different from Liam?"

I wet my lips as they quiver. "Artair said the truth after he was Liam's boyfriend. He was hiding it, too."

Louis clenches his jaw and huffs, "Still, you don't know what I would have done."

"Okay, you're right," I nod, swallowing harshly. "But are you really telling me that you would have truly wanted me if you knew that I'm different from the start?"

The question hangs in the air with no reply or answer from Louis, making my heart ache at the silent answer. I'm right; he wouldn't have wanted me. It is true.

"See? You would have freaked out and you wouldn't have wanted me," I answer. "But I wanted you to want me so bad, Louis. Remember when you told me that you want me in every way that there is to want a person? I felt more than that. I wanted you for me from the very beginning—as selfish as it sounds—and that's why I lied." My eyes brim again with tears.

He opens his mouth to speak but I cut him off. "Remember what were the first words that I spoke to you? 'You look better in suits'," I smile sadly at the memory. "I was so used to seeing you in other clothes whenever I sat down next to Alfredo—the tree that I always sit at—and seeing you in that suit... Oh my, you took my breath away." I laugh slightly.

"You don't understand," He shakes his head. "I wanted you long before I even got a clear vision of your face, that's why I'm telling you to not assume things. You got me from that very first time I laid my eyes on you, and even if you were married to eleven men with hundreds of children or you were a fucking hippo, I would have wanted you still."

I feel the tears falling more and more down my face as I say, "I don't know what to say except for I'm sorry."

He sighs and places his hands on my hips, making my heart jump up a bit and skip a beat. "I don't want to fight with you because quite frankly, I hate it," He whispers, pressing a surprising kiss to my nose. "So why don't you stop crying and tell me everything from the very beginning?"

I pull away suddenly and stare at him for a second before questioning, "Everything?"

"Yes," He nods. "No lies or hidden things this time."

I take a deep breath and nod, not quite believing this. Everything is taking a very unpredictable way; a way that I did not prepare for or expect. I expected anger, tears, heartbreak, and I even expected departure. But this? No way. Louis is taking everything way too well, and I don't know if that's because he already knows that we exist or not, I don't even know if that's a good thing.

Where should I start? My mind is terribly clouded and I feel like it has been years since anything started that I don't even remember when it did. Isn't it funny that almost three and a half months ago I was lying on my bed wondering what the hell does his voice sound like? And what is his name?