Golden

Chapter 59 - I can't do it

"I feel like I need to make you all aware how much this next song means to me. I've gone half this tour singing this song, and no one knows the truth about it. About a year ago, my life was turned upside down. The love of my life left, for the best. The person I cared most about, the person that meant everything to me. She left because she didn't want to get in the way of my dream. Little did she know that I need her, I've needed her the whole time. There hasn't been a single day in the past year without her that I haven't thought about her." he takes a breath, at this point, my tears start falling. "I struggled for months without her, and the boys realized just how much I was struggling. James one day gave me the advice of writing my feelings down, and by doing that, I managed to turn them into this song we're singing to you now. So Lucy, if you hear this, I still love you with all my heart and you mean everything to me. I'll never stop loving you." He stops talking and I can tell he's a bit choked up. James walks to his side and pulls him into a hug. A few seconds later, the music starts playing. I stand listening to the song they're playing. 

I've made mistakes but so have you

It's been a year of nothing new 

And now I'm waiting for this to unfold

The tears stream down my face as I continue listening to the song. It's a great song and it means a lot to me that it's written about me. I've never stopped loving him and I never will. And the song's true, before I left, we had both made mistakes, some worse than others but we did. And deep down I am waiting for the day Brad and I can get back together because I miss him more than anything. 

Last year, you took a piece of my heart

This year I guess it's falling apart

Everyone's hoping for snow

But I'm just hoping that you come home

Eventually the song finishes and I can honestly say I've never cried this much at a concert before. As much as I want to stay and listen to the rest of their set, I need to sort myself out and I need to get Amelie to sleep. I look at the 4 of them one last time before holding onto the pram and walking towards the doors. I show the security guards the backstage pass and they open the doors allowing me to walk through. 

I walk through the building until I find the toilets, walking in and strapping Amelie back into the pram. I look in the mirror and sort out my make up before walking back out. I take Amelie and myself back to the room that Ells showed me to when I got here. I sit down on the sofa that's in the room and sit rocking Amelie to get her to sleep while getting my phone out. I decide to text Ells. 

1 Message to Ells

Hey, I know you're watching the boys. I've come back to the room you bought me to earlier, I need to get Amelie to sleep. I might get to see you before I leave, hope you're having fun!xx

I sit scrolling through twitter on my phone and after about 5 minutes, I can hear faint snoring, I look down and smile at Amelie, she's asleep in her pram and looks so cute. I take a quick picture of her sending it to mum. 

1 Message to Mum

Night Nanny, love Amelie xx

I attach the photo and send it and within a couple of minutes she replies. 

1 Message from Mum

That's adorable, give her a kiss and cuddle from me. I'll see you soon xx

I scroll through Instagram and after a while, Amelie starts crying so I take her out of her pram giving her a cuddle and get her bottle out of the changing bag. I lay her in my arms feeding her, smiling that she's mine. She's mine and Brads.