Good & Broken

Just a Feeling

LA, USA
May 21st, 2020
Miley's POV

"Well?" She asks, impatiently.

"Three; I'm pregnant." Then her mouth drops open.

"What?!" She yells.

"Shh."

"C'mon, there's no one here besides Jessica and she doesn't know what we're even talking about. What do you mean you're pregnant?"

"I mean I might be."

"Wait...I thought you said the test was negative?" She says, confused.

"It was negative. But I think I might be pregnant because I've been throwing up a lot, not sleeping well, not having a normal eating schedule..."

"Those are signs if stress, Miley. You're just assuming the worst."

"Maybe...but I still feel like something's wrong." I reply.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean what if I am pregnant? What if I am pregnant and there's something wrong with the baby? I mean, I haven't been taking care of myself. How far along am I even? I haven't been taking prenatal vitamins, I've been stressed. Stress isn't good for pregnant women. I haven't been sleeping well. I need to get my sleep. What if there's something wrong? I don't even know if I'm for sure pregnant. If there's something wrong right now, I wouldn't know. Because I don't even know if I'm actually for sure pregnant. I'm scared. And what'll I tell Liam? He'll wanna stay married. I can't be married to him anymore. What will he do? He said he doesn't want anymore kids. What if he completely walks away? What if I am pregnant and he finds out, then walks away? He won't even see Jessica then. He hardly wants to see her now. I wouldn't forgive myself if she never saw him again because of this. Because of me. Katie I can't be pregnant. I don't wanna be. And I'm not ready for more kids! It's hard being a single mom already. I don't have Liam's help. I can not take care of a new baby and a toddler. Jessica isn't even three yet. Not until December. I'm going crazy, I can't be pregnant. I don't wanna be. I don't wanna have another baby from Liam. I can't have another. I don't and can't be reminded of him even more than I already will be. Jessica may look like me, but she's got his accent. I can't be pregnant. And if I am what if something's wrong? I won't forgive myself if something happens to the baby if I'm pregnant. I've been so stressed. I'm freaking the fuck out." I say, talking extremely fast.

"Okay, first of all; slow the hell down. Second; you don't even know if you're pregnant. And you can't be because you and Liam have been careful and you took a test in what? Like, April? And it said it was negative. And the last one said negative...right?"

"Yeah...but-"

"No buts Miley. Stop thinking you're pregnant. Because you're not. If you were, you'd know it for sure. And you took two tests. They were both negative. So you're not." She says, reasurring me.

"How do you know for sure?"

"I just have that feeling, okay? I have faith that you're not pregnant. You said you don't wanna be, right?"

"Yeah..." I say. But I wasn't sure. I didn't, but I did. I know I'm not ready, but it wouldn't be horrible.

"Are you sure? You don't seem sure. Miley you gotta make up your mind. So? Are you sure?" Miley you're not ready. I think to myself. You can't have another baby. Or be reminded of Liam. It's time to make up my mind.

"Yeah. I'm sure. I don't wanna be pregnant." I say, being sure about it. It's true, I don't wanna be. I've made up my mind.

"Well, then you have to be sure and have faith you aren't pregnant. If you believe you aren't and are sure you're not pregnant, you most likely won't be. Be positive about things. Besides, like I said; you aren't pregnant because the tests said you aren't."