Good & Broken

This is How I Disappear

Australia
May 24th, 2020
Miley's POV

"Okay okay...I did it on purpose." Then my heart stops.

"What?" I ask, then tear up. "What do you mean by on purpose?"

"Remember when you said "goodbye" to me on the phone? On May 21st, and didn't call me back or answer the phone when I called?" Then I nod.

"Vaguely."

"I thought about it. What you told me. I know I said I regret Jessica. But I don't regret you. I don't regret marrying you."

"But you regret Jessica?" I ask, almost crying.

"Well, I regret having her when we did. I regret the decisions we've made. I regret her, okay. I do. But that doesn't mean I don't want any now."

"Liam, you said you didn't want anymore. You also said she's too much to handle. I can't be married to someone that regrets our daughter. And said she's too much to handle. Okay? I can't. Why did you do this now?"

"I can't be without you. I love you. I- you can't just walk away. And yes, I did have sex with Jennifer. But only because it took my mind off of you. And yes, I do realize that isn't the right way I should get my mind off of you. I'm sorry. I just can't do this." He says, tearing up.

"How?"

"How what?"

"How'd you do it? Obviously not just walking into the road. You would've stepped back and realized what you were doing. You wouldn't have done it. What made you stay there and get hit?" I ask, then he takes a deep breath.

"I took some pain pills and drank alcohol. A lot of it. So technically it wasn't all me. It was partially the alcohol that did it too. I was drowsy, and I walked into the street. I stood there, and when I saw a car coming, I turned towards it. I stood there, looking at it. I took a deep breath and prepared to...go." Then I start to cry.

"What the hell Liam? Why? You can't just kill yourself. There are other ways to get through a divorce. And what am I supposed to tell Jessica now? I can't tell her you tried to fucking commit suicide. And what would I have told her if you succeeded? She'd wanna know what happened to her daddy. Don't you ever think about anyone but yourself? God Liam, all you ever do is worry about yourself. Can't you think of Jessica for once? Our daughter? I don't care if you don't ever think about me. But you seriously need to think of our daughter for more than a second. You don't even worry about her ever do you? When you had sex with Jennifer. Did you think about her? How that would affect her? If she found out that "daddy cheated on mommy" and didn't care? I-" I say crying, but he cuts me off.

"Miley I did care. I care that I cheated. And I'm so so sorry for that." He says.

"I thought we were supposed to do this together. And try to resolve our issues. But no, what do you do? Go and have sex with a random ass girl. I can't believe you sometimes."

"Please stop crying." Then I sit in the chair.

"No Liam. I can't. Wanna know why? Because I actually loved you. I honestly don't know how you even could be so selfish. How could you cheat on me? You had to have known I'd find out. Seriously, I don't know what even made you want to." Then I rub my eyes, but continue to cry.

"I didn't want to-"

"You obviously did. Why else would you? You could've stopped, but you didn't. Which means you wanted to. Liam, I don't even know if I should let Jessica see you."

"You have to!" He shouts.

"No, Liam. I don't have to let you. And about the divorce...I stopped by the courthouse. I have the papers. All we need to do is sign them. And you have to sign something saying it's okay for me to have custody of Jessica."

"No, I won't sign them! And I sure as hell won't let you have custody! I deserve to see her!" He shouts.

"Stop yelling! God you're an asshole! Why can't you just sign them? You don't want custody of her! Besides, you'd never even do anything with her. When we were together you'd occasionally play with her. Not as much as you should've, Liam. And I'd let you see her."

"Oh yeah? When? A few hours a week?"

"No, actually. I'd let you have her for weekends. But apparently you don't want that!" I reply, raising my voice more.

"What makes you think that?!" He yells.

"You just said that you'd see her a few hours a week! That's what you said, not me! So obviously you only want her a few hours a week."

"I said that because I thought that's what you'd let me see her for!"

"Well maybe I should only let you see her a few hours a week!" I yell, then start to walk towards the door.

"Miley wait-"

"Wait for what? Wait for you to change your mind on regretting Jessica? I don't care whether you regret her or not. You already said it. I'm getting custody, I already talked to the courthouse. They said if you said all of that and confirmed it when I asked, they said I should get custody."

"No, I won't let this happen." He argues.

"Then we'll go to court and it'll be a longer process. But I'll win. Because of what you said. So why can't we just get this done with the easy way?"

"Miley I can't lose you and I can't lose Jessica."

"You won't lose Jessica. You'll have her on weekends."

"I don't understand."

"What don't you understand? It's simply signing papers."

"No, not that part."

"What then?" I ask, getting even more irratated than I already am.

"I don't understand why I can only have weekends."

"Liam, I'm getting custody. Which means I get her. If I wanted to, I don't even have to let you see her at all. So which do you want?"

"I want to see her more than weekends."

"Tough shit. I'm going to go get the papers. I'll let you see Jessica while I'm getting them." Then I walk towards the door more. When I do, Jennifer walks in. I roll my eyes, and sigh. I turn around and face Liam. "Talk to her all you want Liam. But I'm saying this-- if you choose to talk to her while I'm getting the papers, you won't see Jessica. Jessica will not be in the same room with her."

"Jennifer, can you wait outside or something? I'd like to see my daughter." Liam asks Jennifer, then she closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. "What Jennifer?"

"Liam, I'm pregnant."