bittersweet [yoonmin]

23.

"Jimin. What do you think of the color yellow?" Yoonji attentively asks.

I turn my face, our noses almost touching. We're laying down on my living room carpet instead of doing our project like we're supposed to be.

"I mean it's okay why the question?"

"Would you like that color for prom?"

"For prom huh?"

"Do you think it's ugly?"

"No! Of course not. You make any color beautiful."

"Or how about purple? Or blue? I really like red though."

I give her a smile while I put her hair behind her ear. "Whatever color you pick is fine with me."

"Are you sure? Because what if I pick an orange dress and you don't like it and then you start giving me shit. I'm not going to deal with it."

"I won't give you none of that."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

"Great."

I lean in to give her a kiss. Our lips collide like it's oxygen for us both. When my hand goes to her neck she pulls away.

"What's the matter?"

"Nothing." She mumbles sitting up.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah."

"That's a lie. What's wrong?"

"It's nothing. I just . . . I don't know if you're trying to . . . and I'm not . . ."

"No, I wasn't trying to. I'm not going to deny that I am extremely attracted to you but I won't force you to do anything with me. I want you to be a hundred percent sure."

"Thanks, Jimin." She smiles sweetly.

"Yeah. Plus, we can't take such an important step because you're not my girlfriend . . . yet."

"Girlfriend?"

"Yeah. I've been thinking a lot, Yoonji. We've been talking for a few months now and it's like we're dating, but it's not official. Like everyone knows about us, but at the same time they don't. I know you like me and I of course like you, so I waned to—"

"You're going to ask me out?" The disappointment in her voice makes my enthusiasm collapse.

"Y-Yeah. I just want something serious with you something official."

"Jimin, I—"

"If it's your brother or grandma don't worry. I will talk to them personally I will make sure—"

"It's not that."

"Then what is it? You don't want to date?"

"Dating is . . . is complicated. I've also . . . kept some things from you." She mumbles quietly.

"Like what?" My heart has started to speed as the curiosity is starting to eat me alive. She doesn't reply just keeps her face looking down at her lap while she fidgets nervously with her hands.

"What is it, Yoonji?"

No answer.

"Is it Jackson? Did he message you too?"

She looks up instantly a panic expression on her face. "What? He messaged you? When? Where? How? Why?"

"I don't know how he found me in social media, but he did. He requested to message me and—"

"And you accepted? Why would you accept? You know how much he's hurt me! Why would you even talk to him, Jimin? What did he say? Did he say anything about me?"

"I accepted because I was curious not because I actually wanted to talk to him. In fact I didn't even speak to him. Why're you so worried about it?"

Her face turns pink as she struggles to find the words.

"Oh, I see. You still have feelings for him."

That's why she obviously doesn't want to be my girlfriend. She's still into Jackson. I should've known this was too good to be true. Nothing lasts forever.

"No. No, I don't like him anymore it's just . . ."

"What is it?"

"Did he tell you bad things about me?" She whispers.

"No. He just said stupid shit to me. I blocked him after the second message he sent me."

"Well what did he say?"

"He claimed you weren't who you said you were and when I didn't respond he sent another message saying that he warned me. Some shit like that. He didn't even make sense. He obviously messaged me to screw things up between us. If he was so cruel to break your heart and hurt you so much he obviously doesn't want you to be happy. It's okay don't worry about it. He's blocked and forgotten."

She looks at me sadly, so, so, sad. "Maybe I gave him a reason to be so cruel to me. I think maybe I deserved it."

"What? That's nonsense, Yoonji! You don't deserve that. Don't even think about it. Some people are just assholes."

She remains silent staring at the wall. "Or is there something you need to tell me?" I ask once she continues to avoid my gaze.

Finally, she turns to face me and crashes her lips into mine. "Just kiss me, Jimin." She whispers.

Without hesitation I respond the kiss. This time she's the one that takes control and wraps her arms around my neck needling pulling me closer.

We're so close I can feel her heartbeat on my chest. I can feel the way her breathing gets faster as we both struggle to breath through our noses. We both continue to kiss even though our lungs are aching for us to pull apart.

She only pulls me closer to her and when she bites my lip I take this as a signal. I get on top of her and this time she doesn't pull me away.

In fact her breathing only gets heavier as my hand wraps around her precious thigh. I've been dying to even get a glimpse of her milky thighs and now I'm touching them.

This almost makes me moan at the touch. I can feel my pants getting tighter as my hormones go wild. My hand goes up further and that's when she pulls away.

"Wait."

I immediately get off sitting back on the carpet. Her chest is rising from her uneven breathing. "What is it?"

"I . . ."

"You what?"

"I'm a virgin, Jimin." She mumbles almost embarrassed.

"Oh. You are?"

"Yeah."

"It's okay. There's nothing wrong with that. I already told you I will wait until you're ready."

"I . . . I want to. I really do. I want you to be my first."

I scoot closer to her smelling her sweet scent. Having her this close again makes my thoughts go to dark, sinful, places.

"Wait. I don't think you want to do that." She softly says says as I rest my hand on her upper thigh.

Her milky white skin is exposed due to her skirt and it's driving me insane.

"I think I do want to do it." I respond trying not to sound too needy.

"I don't think you do, Jimin. I'm not who you think I am. I'm . . . a boy."