bittersweet [yoonmin]

43.

After staying in the bathroom for thirty minutes straight I finally come out. Yoonji is sitting on the bed wearing a long sleeved oversized shirt and fuzzy knee socks.

Her hair is tied in a pony tail with strands falling out.

"Jimin. Are you okay?" She quickly says getting up from the bed.

I decide to ignore her and head over to my bag where I packed my clothes. "Jimin talk to me." She says quietly.

"I'm upset because you lied and never told me Jackson and you had sex!"

Yoonji starts laughing covering her mouth. "It's not funny!" I shriek taking off my shirt.

Yoonji stops laughing once my shirt lands on the floor. She glances at me a pink blush on her cheeks.

I suddenly feel embarrassed and start digging for a shirt to sleep in. Even though I didn't pack one because I don't wear any to sleep.

"It is funny actually—"

"Yoonji that is not funny, okay?" I interrupt turning around to face her. I step towards her furiously. "Do you just want me to say it?"

"Say what?" She asks confused.

"I'm jealous. There I said it. I'm jealous because I don't want you to have any memories of that dickhead! And I don't care if . . ."

"Jimin." She softly says as I continue to ramble.

"What?"

"I've never had sex with anyone."

"What? But you said—"

"I lied okay? I didn't want your drunk friends do make fun of it or make it weird. I told you the truth from the beginning. Do you think Jackson would want to have sex with me after the way he treated me? I don't think so."

"Yoonji why didn't you say it before! I was stressing about it for thirty minutes straight!"

"I wanted you to calm down before I told you. I didn't think you'd react the way you did. I suppose I didn't think it'd affect you."

"Of course it affects me. Clearly, you can see it affects me."

"Thank you for that." She mumbles with a smile.

"Thank you for what?"

"Well because that shows me you care."

I smile relieved pulling her in for a hug. "Gosh, I care so much."

She wraps her warm hands around my bare skin. The feeling sends shivers down my spine. "Yoonji." I whisper.

"Hmm?" She replies her head still laying against my shoulder.

"So . . . you've never . . ."

She pulls away from me and shakes her head timidly. "No."

"Oh."

"I'm sure you've had a lot of girls in your life." She comments with a scoff. "Wait, I didn't mean it like that." She quickly adds.

"No it's fine. It's true. I have slept with a lot of girls."

Yoonji presses her lips and starts fidgeting with her hands. Hurt is painted all over her.

"But none of them are important to me anymore."

She gives me a half smile and I lean in to peck her on the lips.

"I really do like you." I mumble.

"Me too." She whispers.

We both lean in again only this time to kiss each other slowly. My hands intertwine in her hair making her hair fall down completely.

She eagerly wraps her arms around my neck pressing her body onto mine. The feeling of her breasts against my chest makes the blood rush to my boxers.

My body responds to this by pushing her to the bed and climbing on top of her. Her shirt goes up revealing her inner thighs.

I hover over her to press my lips against hers again. My hand slowly reaches to grab her thigh making her writhe underneath me.

"Oh shit." I mumble as the adrenaline rushes through me. I've never felt this aroused ever before and the thought honestly scares me.

"May I?" I whisper pointing to her chest.

She nods her head quickly and I reach to cup her breasts on my hands. They feel so real. Well they are real. I just didn't expect it to feel this authentic.

Yoonji's breathing increases running her slim warm fingers over my stomach and my back. It feels just like I thought it would.

She then reaches over to kiss me again. The way my body responds to this is by slowly grinding over her.

The action makes a soft whimper slip from her lips. She runs her fingers down my stomach stopping on the hem of my pants.

We continue to kiss as she reaches to unbutton my pants. I don't stop her although there's a thought in the back of my mind lingering.

After unbuttoning it she gently runs her fingers over my clothed member. A groan escapes my lips.

This encourages her to keep touching me until she pulls the hem of my boxers down. That's when the thoughts in my mind return.

If she does this I know for a fact I won't control myself and when I pull her clothes off I know I'm going to be disappointed.

As much as I want her and as much as I need her a part of me still hasn't fully accepted the fact that's she's both a male and a female.

I pull away abruptly pulling my boxers back up. Yoonji sits up immediately with a red face. "I — I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable." She quickly says.

"I . . . sorry I can't right now." I breathe embarrassed.

"No I'm sorry. I shouldn't have." She quietly says.

"No it's my fault." I groan frustrated.

Yoonji gets up from the bed and heads to the bathroom. "I'm going to shower okay?" She rapidly says closing the door behind.

I'm annoyed at myself for what just happened. I know I hurt her feelings and I hate myself for that. I sigh staring down at my wet underwear.

Will I ever overcome this?

Will the thoughts ever completely vanish?