His Weapon - Book 1 [Z.M]

XIV

We were soo much more
Than you let us be
- Perry Poetry

Tinashe - Fire and Flames

It's been a week since I stopped working at the Sunset pub. Yes— Nicholas did beg me to come back. The job is still open to me but I just want time. I've been in an overdrive mode for what has been my entire life and now I just feel like I need to rest, to cool off.
Having soo much time on my hands has really just worsened me to an extent. Nothing can distract me when those memories come creeping back in. It wasn't a good idea to rest now that I think about it but I just can't find the strength to want to go back to all the chaos.
Zayn had to have had some history with Nicholas concerning a woman. I'm certain. He mentioned something about history trying to repeat itself and just the thought sickened me— knowing that Zayn might have loved someone. Knowing that he has a shadow of a heartbreak that haunts him and possibly prevents him from opening up and allowing himself to be happy sickens me with jealousy.
It's like my life depended on finding out but no matter how I begged and persuaded Nicholas, he wouldn't speak. Not even when I told him I'd come back to work and take him on that date I promised.

My feet carried me closer to the familiar building that I promised myself never to come to. Beads of sweat formed on my forehead and my bag got harder to hold due to my sweaty palms.
It's crazy, I know— I decided to take Zayn up on his offer after days of thinking and mentally slapping myself. First of all, the money he's offering is something I just can't see myself passing out on but most of all— I've been craving him in every way possible.
There has been that voice at the back of my mind that his desperation for me might mean something— that it can change something. If anyone would have told me about six months ago that I would ever see men as anything other than less deserving of my love— I would have laughed my ass off but now here I am, unexplainably and madly in love with a man.
Maybe, just maybe if he feels a little spark then being closer to him could change things and destroy the barrier that any woman might have caused.
I made it to the front of the building successfully without talking myself out of it. There's no turning back.

I received a few weird looks here and there because I looked soo lost but I had a feeling it was because most of his employees recognized me since I had been their hot topic once. With great difficulty and uneasiness, I made my way to the receptionist.
"Good day ma'am, welcome to—"
She began to greet in her well-practised voice but I was way too nervous to wait through it.
"Yeah I'm familiar with that."
I said a little harshly— shutting her up which I regretted instantly because she didn't deserve my frustration to be poured out on her. 
Her smile dropped, followed by weak and forced one.
"Look I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to come across as rude."
I apologized instantly, feeling like a dick.
"—No it's fine ma'am, you don't have to apologize."
She rushed out, smiling brightly which was a relief. I returned her smile. A good one.
"How may I help you?"
Reality sunk in immediately she asked. As much as I wanted to speak I couldn't. I stared at her blankly for what must've been minutes as she just watched me expectantly and awkwardly.
"So I mean, are you here to see anyone?"
She clarified herself but the change of question didn't help either. Heat ran down my spine as I thought about the stupid thing I was seconds away from doing.
"Ma'am?"
She pressed, probably getting impatient. I snapped into reality— clearing my throat.
"Oh sorry, I blacked out there for a second."
I chortled awkwardly and she smiled in reply, still watching me impatiently.
"I'm here to see Zayn."
I said boldly, getting into character.