His Weapon - Book 1 [Z.M]

XXVII

Zayn - If I got you

     "You're still here" He slurred.
I blinked.
     "What is the everything that I can never have?"
He asked randomly when I walked pass him to get some water to drink. I didn't want to argue again— especially with a drunk Zayn because he wasn't thinking straight in the first place.
     "Zayn you're d—" I began to say calmly but he spoke up again.
     "I'm not angry, I should be but I've calmed down. It's not the fact that you were an escort it—"
     "—I was a prostitute, not an escort."
I told him, there was no need for sugarcoating. He remained silent for seconds, just staring at me.
     "I hate the thought of other men having touched you. Imagining their filthy hands all over you. I'm mad at them, not you."
     He didn't slur much this time. He sounded sober but I knew it was the alcohol still talking. However, I found myself breathing again. There was a spur that washed over me that it's not because of who I was and even if they're just drunken words, I'm glad.

I walked over to him and grabbed the bottle of alcohol. I took a long sip until I felt my throat burn. I needed it as much as he thought he did.
     "I don't care if you want him, I'm going to be selfish for once. I can't hand you over to him on a silver platter." He said again.
     I turned to face him.
     "Zayn, I don't need you to. It has always been you. Whatever I said was out of anger?"
I looked down at my fingers because I couldn't bring myself to meet his piercing gaze. I wanted to punch him and kiss him at the same time.
     "Nothing matters, your past doesn't matter. I'm going to admit I was jealous, that's all that mattered. I don't want you thinking I'm judging you. I'm a fucking dominant, I'm in no position to judge you."
     He ran his fingers through his hair that seem to have grown rapidly since the time we met at the event. I wish my hair could grow as fast as his.
     "I regret ever kissing him that night—"
     "—You said you weren't going to see him."
     "—And I never lied about that."
There was silence again. I wanted to take in every second so I looked up at him to find him already looking down at me. His eyes; dead.
     "Who did you leave to go see?"
He asked, his eyes glued to every slight movement I made, almost like he was trying to get his answer out of my body language.

I didn't know if I should tell him— I didn't want to but at the same time I wanted to. I needed to be straight up with him henceforth.
     "My mother."
I said after seconds of silence. He remained mute and I smiled weakly.
     "I was on my way back home when I ran into him. I owe it to you to let you know that maybe I do feel something for him, I have no idea what it is. I don't even know if I really do."
     I was being totally honest with him. I've lied too much already and I wanted things to be out in the open. He sighed, running his fingers through his hair yet again.
     "I can't let him have you."
He spoke more to himself than to me but I heard every word. I inched closer to him and he looked at me like he had already lost me but he doesn't get it.
     "Why?"
I asked, situating myself between his legs. He took another swig of his drink from the bottle as I waited for a reply— anything.