His Weapon - Book 1 [Z.M]

LI

I long
For you
But you long
For someone else
I deny the one
Who wants me
Cause I want someone else
- Rupi Kaur
The Human Condition

I walked out the front door with Nicholas, leaving my only source of happiness behind. This time I was angry that I just handed him to her on a silver platter but I tried my best to remind myself that it was for his own happiness. I didn't walk out on him because of any other thing— but the fact that I owed it to him to help him be happy.
     A whole new life probably awaited me because this time I knew he wouldn't follow me. He might think he will but I know he wouldn't. Nicholas held my hand in his but I pulled away, knowing Zayn was probably looking at us through a window or something.
     It killed me that he was thinking I'm leaving him for Nicholas. I know how much it must hurt him seeing me with him because of the mysterious history they all have together. A part of me hated the fact that I was leaving with Nicholas and not anyone else but I erased said thought instantly.
     Nicholas has been nothing but an angel to me and didn't deserved to be thought of in such a way even if for a second.
     I made sure to kiss Waliyha goodbye along with everyone else. In a way I knew I'd miss them. They felt like family. The car ride back to his hotel was faster than this morning. He got the hotel staff to take my belongings up as I trailed after him in the elevator.
     He was very quite and everything was just soo awkward. It felt like he was miles away even though he was just close by.

I just wanted to curl up and cry my head off. Everything was beginning to dawn on me that it was indeed over with Zayn. The only man I've ever allowed myself to love will no longer be apart of my life. My heart was too heavy for my chest to contain.
     My flight back to New York is in the evening. Nicholas got last minute business matters to attend to. He attempted to talk me into staying with him until then so we could leave together but I refused— I wanted to be away from everyone and everything that was never apart of my life from the beginning to begin with. Being with Zayn has left me with sooo much money than I've ever had so financially, we were set.
     I knew I'd need to keep myself busy to forget him so soo many thoughts were already rushing through my head of how to start a new chapter. Thankfully I wouldn't have to worry about mum's hospital bills for a long time.
I owe him soo much and would forever be grateful to the beautiful devil that forced his way into my life and changed everything for the good and bad.
     I was all alone because Nicholas left to go attend to work related matters. He's angry about something but I didn't bother to ask what. I've toyed with his feelings enough and he deserves better. He could get better. I took a quick shower and began packing my stuff neatly.
     Cheryl has been calling but I've ignored every single one— I wasn't mentally ready to talk to her but I desperately needed to feel the warmth of her hug.
     I wondered what he was up to. I kept thinking if he was thinking about me. I felt all alone again and I couldn't handle the pain so I reached for the book Nicholas got for me. Reading for hours nonstop distracted me until Nicholas busted through the door with urgency.
     "Sorry I'm late."
He apologized but furrowed his brows at my relaxed state. I wasn't checking the time but I instantly knew it was time for him to take me to the airport. Lazily, I walked pass him into the bedroom and dragged my small suitecase out.
     He just watched my every move until I stood before him with a pout. I was emotionally and physically drained off all my strength and willpower.
     "Shall we?"
He asked and I nodded but flung myself into his arms for a hug. I needed soo much comfort and he knew that. He hugged me tightly— his head resting over my head as I planted my face to his chest, inhaling his calming signature scent. We remained in that position for a while.
     "I'm sorry. . ."
I mumbled but he shook his head and pushed me back.
     "You have nothing to be sorry about. I'm just mad at myself."
He confessed and I bit my lip nervously.   
     "Why?"
     "Because karma is a bitch. Karma will fuck you up by making someone you desperately want to want another because you didn't want someone who wanted you."
He held my face delicately and I smiled— nodding my head in agreement.
     "We're all paying for it," I whispered. It made soo much sense. Karma is paying me for all the people I've hurt by making the one person I love soo much love another because I didn't love the people I should have.