His Weapon - Book 1 [Z.M]

XXXV

My body was tangled with his as I scraped my fingers through his scalp. Our naked bodies pressed against each other's. His warm breath caressed my neck as he laid soft kisses on my skin.
     "You make me happy Zayn."
I said as I stared at the ceiling. There was a pause but I wasn't expecting a reply from him. With Zayn, I understood we are trying so I never aim to push him. I know his heart isn't free and I'm not trying to force it to be.
     "That makes me happy."
We remained silent for a few minutes and I wondered if he was sleeping but the small circles he drew on my hips answered my question.
     "Your sister stopped by today," I said nervously, not knowing how he would react but from how his movement ceased— everything was going to head down south.
     "She did?"
I've known Zayn long enough to know he was trying to disguise his anger.
     "Yeah, we spent the day together. . ."
I added nervously and he sat up, without a word he made his way to the bathroom and I was left on the bed in confusion.

It felt like decades as I waited for him to return and when he finally did he barely looked at me. He walked into his closet and I was beyond weirded out.
     "I'm confused here, is there a problem?"
I sat up— staring at the door for when he came out.
     "—I told her not to."
He said simply as he made his way over to the bed. I furrowed my brows and shook my head with a slight laugh. I expected him not to be pleased but I didn't expect him to be such a dick about it.
     "I don't see what's sooo wrong with her coming over," I argued.
     "That's not up for discussion. I don't like it, period."
He was stern— leaving no room for me to speak back and I just sat there.
     "—Okay."
I said simply as I made my way to the bathroom to freshen up for bed. I couldn't understand or begin to even contemplate where he was coming from. What was the big deal with Waliyha and I spending time together?
     I grabbed a clean underwear and vest and returned to bed. The air was thick as I laid next to him. I wanted to cuddle him but was scared of falling under his wrath.
     "You're right, I'm sorry."
He wasn't right, that much I knew. It's his family and he has the right to say when and how I meet them but his reaction and how he was handling the situation wasn't right but I couldn't stand the stillness in the air.
     "—You don't have to be."
     "Then why are you being such a jerk about it?"
I couldn't stomach it.
     "Excuse me if me not being ready for you to meet my family is me being a jerk—"
     "—No, it's the way you're going about it that's making you come off as such an asshole."
With that I flung the bedsheets off my skin and marched towards the door.
     "Where do you think you're going?"
His voice was daring but I couldn't give a fuck. I wanted to catch a breath.
     "—I'm going to go fuck myself."
I slammed the door and hurried towards my room.

It was about 3:27 am and all I could do was stare at the ceiling. I reached for the book Nicholas had gotten me and I began to read to take my mind off Zayn. It was all becoming too real for me to handle.
     I was his— completely but then things began to sink in that no matter how hard I tried, he would never be mine. There is a disconnection between us no matter how I try to revive everything with my feelings. I always thought about all the times he's looked at me and pictured her instead. It breaks my heart.
     "Am I way in over my head Caren?"
I hoped she could hear me at least. I might not be able to see her but I hoped she stayed close either way.
     I continued to read until I couldn't. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't sleep. I knew what was missing and it scared me. I covered my entire body, curling my knee to my stomach until the sleep gods visited me at some point.