Epilogue

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Rachel Chinouriri - Adrenaline

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Rachel Chinouriri - Adrenaline

There's a soft knock on my bedroom door but I don't want to see anyone— except Caren. She's the only one who always comforted me and now she can't? Why?

They say it's not yesterday and apparently I've gotten over it.
     "Muna please open up!"
A girl called Cheryl called. I feel weird and strange living in the same house as her but I'm supposed to be really good friends with her. I've tried to be okay, really.
Mum can't stop crying so I can't stand being in the same room as her. Usually I'd want to breathe the same air as her and comfort her but it angers me that she cries for me and not them.

I'm fine— perfectly fine. I just wish I could go up to Cameron's room and look for his Nintendo until I found it and knock myself out to the many games he had. I wish I could paint Caren's toenails— not because she can't do it herself but because she always makes me do all her dirty work.

I simply just want my family back. I'm angry that mum is just perfectly fine like it never happened.
     "I know you're in there."
Cheryl spoke, anger clear in her voice and I wondered who gave her the right to talk to me like that. I don't like her. I can't believe I'm supposedly good friends with her.
I saw her crying once and she told me "This has taken a sister away from me."

It made me cry harder that night. She was referring to the situation I found myself in. As much as I felt sorry for her— I had no time to dwell on it. Who is feeling sorry for me?
     "Nany just dropped off the kids."
She said and my head snapped in the direction of the door.

I have children. Two beautiful kids that I don't know.

I opened the door to reveal Cheryl. I walked pass her into the sitting room and there they were. Two gorgeous children that I'm supposed to love but feel nothing towards.
Don't get me wrong, I love kids— but I'm supposed to have a deeper connection with 𝗺𝘆 kids but I feel nothing. Hell I can't even remember the pain I went through to birth them.
     "Mummy...Kian pinched me." Hudayah, my gorgeous daughter rushed towards me, tears threatening to fall as she watched me with hopeful eyes.
She's soo tiny that I bent down and picked her up. He's older than her just ten months, same year and heck I wonder how that's even possible.
     "Kian don't inflict pain on your sister!"
I was stern with my voice. Two months of parenting and I'm getting better at it.

His brows furrowed at me with pouted lips. 
     "What's inflict?" He asked innocently. I tilted my head to watch Huda who had her thumb in her mouth.
     "To cause something unpleasant to someone—" I contemplated on continuing but decide against it. I know he's a quick learner because he always remembers what I tell him.

His lips begin to quiver as he watched me with guilt filled eyes.
     "I didn't mean to mummy," His voice is soft and my heart instantly melted. I took a seat next to him with Huda on my laps and pulled him into my side to show that I wasn't mad at him.
His small hands fisted my t-shirt.
     "It's fine baby."
I smiled, laying my head back. I put on a random cartoon for them to be occupied while I just stared at them. I missed all these years of my life and it's scary that I don't remember even being pregnant with them.
The only proof that I birthed them is the small stretch marks on my stomach.

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