His Weapon - Book 1 [Z.M]

XXXVI

I long
For you
But you long
For someone else
I deny the one
Who wants me
Cause I want someone else
-Rupi Kaur
The Human Condition

Lilja.

However, I hurried out of sight because the last thing I needed was a scratch on my face. I wondered what she was doing here, in our— well his house and I couldn't believe he lied to me about her being out of the picture.
     I paced back and forth, nervous as to what they were talking about. I was tempted to head down but I kept my cool. It felt like forever as my stomach twisted into knots.
     To clear my head— I decided on a cool shower. Taking my time to treat myself to some me time. My head was all over the place, racing back to when Nicholas had tried to call me earlier.
     I took a deep sigh, stretching my hand out to grab my phone. I clicked through recent, going in to dial his number when something caught my eyes.
     It stated that the last time he called, we spoke for fifteen minutes. I frowned as realisation hit me that I didn't decline his call.

I accepted.

     "Fuck," I could only imagine him listening to every word that came out of our mouths.
     I dialed his number— biting my lip nervously as I waited for him to pick up.
     "Nicholas. . ."
I barely spoke, waiting for him to respond but all I got back was the clearing of his throat.
     "Im soo sorry about earlier. I didn't intend on you hearing—"
I didn't even know what I was saying until he cut me out.
     "Oh don't bother love, I was entertained."
He tried to lighten up the mood and I rolled my eyes— caressing my thigh underneath the water.
     "—You asshole, you should have hung up!"
Scolding him was only natural at that point which earned me a chuckle.
     "Yeah, I should have. I'm sorry."
There was silence for a while. I didn't know what to say.
     "Can I see you tonight?"
He was hesitant as he asked, almost like he already knew the answer but wanted to try anyway.
     "I think you know I can't."
I breathed hard. My mind still drifting to Zayn and the conversation he was having with Lilja.
     Nicholas remained silent for what felt like an eternity and I began to wonder if he was still on the line.
     "Why hadn't I met you first?"
He didn't expect me to answer— that much I knew. However, no matter how much I wanted to agree— I couldn't. I wouldn't trade meeting Zayn for anything in the world.

I'm soo fucking stupid, I know.

     "Maybe under a different circumstance you wouldn't have looked me over twice. I'm not your type. . ."
I teased and he chuckled.
     "You are actually. The only thing that would have driven me away would have been your nun clothes. They were fucking hideous."
I gasped, faking hurt and he chuckled.
     "—My nun clothes and I are a package deal love. See? Not your type."
I could picture him smiling even though he went silent yet again.
     "—You know, as much as I hate not being able to see you, I understand him. If you were mine, I'd never let any man, even women touch you."
I listened— his words lingering in my head as they slipped out of his mouth.
     I quickly changed the topic tactically, talking about the book we had bought together. From bickering back and forth I even agreed to meet up with him at some point to exchange books as we had agreed.
     I sighed, setting my phone back on the ceramic extension of the bathtub and screwed my eyes shut. I let a peaceful silence slip in as I thought about nothing— just reflecting on the peace I was acquiring.