His Weapon - Book 1 [Z.M]

XX

I woke up to Zayn's body tangled with mine. For a second I had no idea what was going on until my mind drifted back to our earlier actions. Although I was shocked to find him next to me— I was happy to be able to steal a few touches from him. I lifted my head to find his eyes screwed shut as he slept and it instantly hit me that that was my first time ever seeing him sleep. I was in awe, I just watched him as his hand caged me to his body
perfectly— his breath fanning my face.
     Hesitantly I rose up my free hand and caressed his face, adrenaline pumping through my veins at the thought of him waking up. His hand tightened around my waist pulling me closer and I knew he wasn't asleep. He didn't want to let me know although it was obvious.
     It was still beyond me how my leg wasn't in pain because he was between them— practically sleeping on one of them as the other caged him. My hand wandered further down to his jaw and to his neck, slowly caressing him as I watched closely. I pulled myself up so I could be face-to-face with him. He looked so vulnerable and peaceful and I couldn't help the smile that made its way to my face.

I leaned in and pecked his soft lips and he pulled me closer, preventing me from pulling away. His lips came crashing into mine, he kissed me softly— like we had all the time in the world at our fingertips. He ran his fingers up my back sensually, caressing my skin and I kissed him back.
     "Why are you still here?"
I asked immediately he pulled away from me— still keeping me firmly next to him.
     "I was tired to get up."
He mumbled, his eyes still screwed shut as I watched him. There was silence as he drew little circles on my back whiles I laid facing him.
     "Can we be friends?"
What has come over me? I have no damn idea. I just found words spilling out of my mouth on their own accord. I bit my lip nervously— waiting for him to reply which felt like years.
     "What?"
He chuckled, opening his eyes for the first time. They found mine and all form of joke ceased.
     "I mean it, can we be friends at least?"
I asked more clearly and there was an expression in his eyes that I can't explain.
     "I don't fuck my friends Muna."
He said bluntly and my face dropped.
     "What are you really doing here?"
He asked, pulling me closer to him. I exhaled deeply as my head laid on his chest.
     "You wanted me here. . ."
I whispered— wrapping my arms around him and burying my face into the crook of his neck.  Not once thinking of the fact that he may not want me touching him whatsoever.
     He scraped my scalp, tangling his fingers in my frizzy hair. I must say that if we were a couple— we'd be a strange one.
     "And I'm glad you are but what really made you change your mind? Last time I checked, you wanted love and being here with me interrupts your journey."
He said the last few words as though he was mocking me.
     I closed my eyes, inhaling his scent. I remained completely silent until I couldn't bare to hold it in anymore, I gently peeled his hands off me and sat up— facing him as he looked up at me.
     "The idea of love is beautiful and I admit, I crave love, to fill in a gap I know I have, but the thought of having someone love me is soo scary but not more than the thought of me loving someone. I'd always run just at the sight of someone I found attractive or someone who was being good to me. I just said that, maybe it's what I want but I don't know, I never know anything. No one deserves me but don't get me wrong, I'm not too good for anyone. I'm too broken for anyone. So yeah, I'm here because you don't stop me from finding love, you help me—"
     I paused, burying my face in my palm. I knew for a fact that if I continued he'd push me away. He squeezed my knee softly, willing me to carry on and I sighed— meeting his gaze.
     "You know why I'm here Zayn. Don't play dumb! You know I love you, I shouldn't be saying this if I don't want you to switch up on me but it's the truth, as much as I hate it, it's the truth."
I straddled him and he grabbed my thighs.
     "You don't love me, you might just be fascinated by me."
He smiled, bringing his hand between my thighs as our gazes locked on each other.
     "No, I really do love you."
I breathed out, infuriated at the fact that he didn't think I could love him. I knew for a fact that if I died a billion times and came back— I'd love him no matter the circumstances.
     "I'll hurt you Muna, you know I will."
He continued to caress my thighs as he held my gaze. Sadly I knew he was right— not only did he know he isn't good for me but I did as well. Nothing good can come from loving him and I know it. I wish I could've loved anyone else but destiny just had to make it Zayn.
     "I know, but maybe that'd let me know I'm only human and it's okay." I smiled down at him but he didn't match my expression. He stared at me intensely.
     "I wish I could love you."