angel. h.s ✔️

twenty six.

       

I ended up having to decorate by myself as Harry had let me know something had come up at work and he couldn't make it, I was a little disappointed but ultimately I didn't mind. I usually decorated by myself anyway, I think I was just greedy because I find myself craving his company when we weren't together.

And because we decorated at work together.

Besides it gave me some alone time to think over everything, Tommy leaving the Snakes, Tommy almost leaving me, Luke Jones threatening Harry, what happened with Luke Jones, my friendship with Harry, me almost wanting to leave Tommy.

I had a lot to think about but irritatingly enough, I hadn't come to any kind of decision or conclusions.

Also Harry hadn't told me what had happened at work, I had asked because I cared even though I was already pretty sure he wouldn't tell me and I was right. He just turned up at half four with a frown on his face and bloody knuckles.

Which meant I dragged him to the kitchen to clean him up, him complimenting my decorating skills and apologising that he wasn't able to help. That was all fine. More than fine considering I got to hold his hand.

But somehow he brought Tommy up and all of a sudden it had turned to shit.

I had stumbled over my words, Harry pushed on about what happened between Tommy and I even though I'd told him yesterday that it wasn't his business, and I had already spent most of last night thinking about his response.

"You're my business, so technically, yes."

It had sent my heart and head into a spin yesterday and every time I thought about it today, it happened again.

Our encounter in my kitchen had ended in a stony silence after Harry asked why I couldn't leave Tommy when it had been clear that's what I'd wanted and me shaking my head and telling him he didn't understand.

The silence had carried over to the car as Harry drove the two of us towards the shopping centre nearest to my house. The only difference with this silence was that it was tense, I could see Harry's knuckles tensing and releasing every so often on the wheel.

"I can't leave him because I can't be alone."

I saw Harry turn to look at me and I realised I'd spoken without thinking about it, my voice barely above a careless whisper.

"It's a miracle that Tommy's even with me and if I don't have him then I have no one and I don't think I could cope being alone." I admitted, I didn't even know how to be alone.

"Why would you think you'd be alone?" Harry finally asked and I shrugged.

"Because I would be. I've been with Tommy since I was fifteen, Harry. No one else wanted me then and no one else would want me now. Not even my Father wanted me." I tugged at my hair as I spoke, Harry's silence spoke volumes, if he even knew.

"You'd have me." Harry shrugged as he rolled his down his window to get a parking ticket and I closed my eyes, he really had to stop making comments like that.

"I don't want to talk about this anymore."

I didn't know how to respond to his statement, I knew he meant as friends but that wasn't my problem. I would survive without friends, I think. I mean I'd always had Fran and when I lost Fran I had Tommy. Maybe I wouldn't survive without Harry.

I didn't want to think about my life without Harry.

"Who do you have to shop for?" Harry asked as we stood in the lift waiting to go down to the ground floor of the shopping centre.