angel. h.s ✔️

forty nine.

"Have you got a coat? Maybe we should go back inside." Paul fussed as I sat on the bench on the patio, my eyes moving around his back garden. It was nice, somehow prim and proper yet it looked loved and used.

And I actually really liked that.

"I'm fine." I said quietly as I hid my hands in the sleeves of my jumper and waited for him to say something. I wasn't speaking first, it wasn't my idea to have this chat.

"I'm sorry."

Well I wasn't expecting that.

"I am sorry May, I know it must have been hard for you, it was hard for me as well." Paul stated and I snorted.

"Hard for you to walk away? It was your choice." I muttered sourly, keeping my eyes on the sky at the end of the garden.

"Well actually it was and it wasn't. That's what I meant by saying it was more complicated than you thought, you were only nine. It tore me apart inside, I had planned to come back. I was going to I promise but it didn't work out the way I'd hope, your Mother- she decided it wasn't safe."

"Wait, what? What wasn't safe?" I questioned, turning my eyes to him. Paul looked older, a lot older than I remembered but it had been eleven years.

"Me coming back to you both. I knew that there was going to come a time when my job got heavy and dangerous and I was lucky that you were already eight by that time. Your Mother knew too, she knew when we got involved.

"Shit got mental with the Diamond Snakes and a couple of other gangs and there was a pretty big land and boundary disagreement. A lot of people got hurt, it was stupid but that's what you get when you put a lot of men in small area, give 'em guns and promise them power."

I let out a shaky breath as I listened to him, this was all new information to me. Before today, before forty five minutes ago I had no idea my Dad was a criminal.

"I went away to deal with it, help out your Grandfather. Then I was going to come back, I didn't walk out on you. I promise May I didn't."

Paul's voice cracked and I looked over at him and sucked my bottom lip into my mouth. I wish Harry was out here, he always knew what to say. I had a lot of questions but I knew I wasn't going to able to form any of them.

"I didn't expect it to take two years granted, but it was that point gangs and organised crime really took a turn for the worst and became what it is today. It's not like the days when the Kray's ruled London."

I laughed a little with Paul and watched as he smiled at me, his eyes trailing over my face, much in the same way Harry did every so often. I still hated it.

"You've grown into such a beautiful young woman May." Paul smiled wistfully and I bit my lip as my face flushed. "I wish I could have been there for it all."

You'll be there for Olivia and Ruby. The words were on the tip of my tongue but I forced them down and instead looked away from him.

"You were going to come back?" I prompted. I didn't know why I did, some morbid curiosity I guess, to see if he really did have a reason for abandoning me.

"I tried to as well, but Janice refused. Said it was too dangerous, I was too known and she was right. I still have that target on my back, I live everyday in fear something will happen to Lisa or the girls and I won't be able to protect them."

"I always wondered why she waited, I thought it was because she wanted you to come back."

"I always kept in touch with her, I always told when I thought I'd be coming but when it came down to it she didn't want to put you at risk. I agreed, eventually and we got divorced."