You Feel Like a Dream (18+)

Wonder-Lust

As I took each step slowly, lifting my feet one at a time upward. I could feel him watching me. I could feel his lust; I could feel his curiosity becoming more evident because I was allowing him in. In to my head, into my soul. This, for me, was dangerous for him. It may be second nature, but he doesn't strike me as a womanizer. He seems set in his ways, mature; he doesn't want to babysit. He wants a companion, a lover, someone who will feel his heartbeat and shed tears. Which is what I did, but that was allowing him too much. It was and it, and by it, I mean my feelings, my emotions were becoming out of my control. Something I prided myself on having.

I walked into the bedroom suite, grabbing my robe, and made my way into the grand bathroom. I had an aching feeling, one I couldn't shake. Naturally, I would. But now I get it out of me if I shook it like a baby's rattle. Tom is talking plans, meeting his family, spending holidays together. I just want to enjoy this time. This time I thought very carelessly about and got caught up in the moment. The moment turned into an evening, a day, a night, a dream, and it continues. I didn't contemplate my responsibilities as a woman.

I walked over to the copper clawfoot tub and turn on the hot water, mixed with lukewarm. As I still had this feeling, I couldn't shake. While the bathtub was filling up, I went back into the bedroom suite. I opened the heavy antique mirrored draw of the nightstand next to my side of the bed. I pulled out my cellphone; I had it turned off at some point in the morning after we established I wasn't interested in some tall, handsome stranger who swept me off my feet literally.
Just as I pressed the power button on, I regretted it immediately. Fifty-two missed calls, 37 face time calls, 48 voicemails, 104 texts. "FUCK" I said out loud!

I bothered not to read or listen to anything; I just automatically called my brother. It barely rang, "ARE YOU OK??"He asked frantically.
" Yes, I'm fine," I said."Where the hell are you in this snowstorm? I thought you were at the hotel and then going back to your apartment. I got your cryptic text message and voicemail. I surmise you are still with him? He asks 20 questions. " Yes, I am, and yes, I am coming home when the weather clears up."

  I walk into the bathroom, turning off the water. I don't know how long this conversation is going to be. He sounds upset, and he's the free-spirited brother; my other is everything by the book. I say, pulling a cigarette out of my case, placing my feet into my slippers, and putting on my robe, walking out on the porch, I take out my lighter. Cigarette in my lips, I brace myself and sit down. Trying to do too many things at once, I hit the speaker button, by habit. " I had to clear my head," I say to my brother Ash. "You had to clear your head, I get it, but with him, of all people. Are you fucking insane? Do you have any idea what your doing ? " he's speaking very unlike himself. It seems as if he's been riled up or he's trying to put out fires. " Harlow, I love you, you know I would do anything for you. You're my baby sister. But I cannot continue to lie anymore. I have exhausted all options. Other then you were in some tropical jungle somewhere. I was concerned for your safety most importantly, but now I'm fucking pissed you have put me, us, I should say, in this position. Don't you think this is a bit selfish? I quickly reply without thought. "NO, I do not!" " You don't, " He stammered back.  " No, I don't. First of all, you knew when we left together to get coffee. He was with us. You should have figured it out; you're so smart. What did you think I was going to do? Not enjoy my evening." I shout. " That's fine. I'm glad you are enjoying yourself, but under other circumstances, yes. But this is different." Ash yelled back at me.
" Look, when the snow gets cleared, I'll be home, ok? I don't want to argue or get upset now. I beg of you, Ash, please just let me have this. It will all be over soon. I know we made a pact that in our social circle, we would not get involved with ones like in his position. I fucked up; I did. But I just need these last few wonders." I said sadly, tears coming down my face, inhaling my cigarette to the point I almost set my nail on fire.  " Yes, Yes, ok, but this is it. You need to come home like yesterday. They are beyond fucking furious." He said with stern empathy," I'm sure they are, but I'll be back, and it will all be fine. Except for one thing. I have completely fallen head over heels madly in love with him." I quiver as I find myself so overwhelmed in saying that out loud.  " OHH FUCK HARLOW, NO, you can't be serious. You know what? I am not even entertaining this conversation any longer. I'll see you when you come back to the city." He hangs up with me being able to say a word in response. What really could I say. He is right, I have thrown all caution to the wind, and I have put others at harm regardless of their feelings. I was selfish.  But again, honestly, I cared, but I didn't want to. Just not for the next several whatever moments we have left.

      
  My nerves are definitely on edge. I feel so anxious, and it's going to be a feat for me to fake it. Just then, I hear Tom clear his throat. I take another cigarette without even turning around. I bring it up to my lips, and I light it. Taking a deep inhale, and exhale that the cold air mixes in with the smoke. I hear him light a cigarette as well. With a glass of wine, he placed on the small outdoor table, "that's for you," pointing to it " Thank you," I reply " So how stupid am I to think a woman like you isn't born with a boyfriend. To whom does the beauty give her heart to is the question? " He says, walking in front of me leaning against the snow-covered railing. Staring at me with a look, a look that would have been better if he fed my heart to me on a silver platter.