One family over the whole multi-verse is picked to connect the whole of the multi-verse. How they do that travel into Tv shows because every show is really just an other earth. That family the Roads. When Caitlin Roads' friends get drunk and persuad...
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You Can Have It!
On the way back to Beacon Hills, after the battle in Mexico
POV Lottie White/ Holmes
The black van hit a bump in the road, causing my head to hit the window. Cait was in the driver seat, her shirt still covered in blood. Silver Blood. Scott was in the back making sure Peter wouldn't wake up, but I didn't even remember either were in the car at points.
My mind kept going back to Cait's words from just a few hours ago. 'This craz who can barely keep her mind straight. A girl who spent so many nights trying to understand what her mother was teaching her that for days I forget what it's like to be a normal human. A girl who shut herself off from the world. THAT was my right. So fine you want power. You want to be like me. Shut yourself off. Forget about anything that isn't your own fear and paranoia. Sit alone in silence till you can't even hear yourself think. BECAUSE THAT is what it's like to be me. You want my power? You can have it!'
I could still feel the way the ground shook as she screamed. 'Shut yourself off' I remembered weeks before we got to Beacon where Cait wouldn't talk to anyone for days upon days. Not even Dean could get through to her.
'Anything that isn't your own fear and paranoia' It was as if she just said the words in my ear. How could I have been so dumb? Cait is my best friend, my SISTER, and I never questioned it.
Our lives were normal till I begged her to take us away from them. Here we almost died everyday, SHE almost died everyday. Someone wanted to kill her. But threw it all her mind was set on the twins and me, saving us.
For days I forget what it was like to be a normal human' That one hurt the most. She didn't just shut herself off. Cait didn't know who she was when she did. Part of me just wanted to know why she didn't talk to us. The other part knew that she's Caitlin, she would have thought she would just be burdening us.
I sighed, "Did you mean it?" Caitlin just hummed, "What you said to Peter?"
"I wanna know too." Scott spoke from the back, moving so I could see him in the corner of my eye.
Cait sighed turning off the radio, "Yeah." She paused, "Though I didn't really know what I was saying till I said it."
I shook my head, "How long? How long have you felt like that?"
"I'm not really sure." My heart broke, "Nothing in my life has ever really been clear for me, just that I was born to do something. And I'm more than willing to do it." I couldn't tell if she was about to cry or scream for us to stop asking.
"When was the first time you just wanted to lock out the world?" Scott asked. Something in his voice scared me. Like he understood what she said, like he could relate.
"Maybe third grade. It was a school night but we were on vacation, and my Mom had me up till nearly three am so I wouldn't react to the hurricane passing over us. So I wouldn't make it worse if I got scared. And I tried and tried and tried, but I just didn't get it. My mother told it was fine, that I could just stay by her. But I wasn't letting myself give up. I kept pushing, and pushing, and pushing, till I nearly shut the water in the house off. And I did shut the ac off. But it hurt like hell. Made me sick to my stomach, hell I threw up a few times. I mean I was 7. But I- I don't really know. I closed myself out during the storm so I wouldn't hurt anyone, then when we got back home, I felt so bad about nearly shutting off our water right before a hurricane, that I didn't talk to anyone for a week."
"I remember that." I didn't know I spoke the words till they came out, "I was all excited because we didn't know the twins at that point, so it was always just you and me. And I thought I did something wrong, and your brother kept saying you got sick on the trip, but I didn't buy it. I sat outside your house for nearly an hour everyday, hoping you would come outside."
"And I never did. At least not till I got back in school."
"Have you ever felt like that here?" Scott pressed another question. But I would be lying if I said I didn't want to ask it myself.
Cait thought for a second then shook her head, "No. I felt guilty a few times, and right after the station with Matt I shut myself out. But had nothing to do with what I am. I just didn't know how to feel about anything. I never felt like I did something wrong and I needed to fix it."
"Why?" I sighed, "Why didn't you ever tell me?"
"You would think I'm crazy!" She paused, her knuckles whitening on the wheel. "Remember how drunk I was when I told you about being the doppelganger?"
"Well yeah. But we didn't believe it because you were drunk off your ass."
"Your fault by the way." Well yeah, but no need to be rude. Though at the very least it got Scott to let go of a small laugh. "And at first it felt so good. Then when the hangover ended, I was ready to burn. No one was meant to know that. So instead of removing a weight from my shoulder, by telling the three people I care about most in the world..s. I added one thinking my mother's head was going to blow. And when you told me you thought I was crazy I was relieved. Then the night you all got drunk, and you were so...forceful. You just wanted it to be true, and as scary as it is. It's 100% true. That made me want to crawl down a hole. That I was the reason-"
"We could get hurt." I finished for her, "Stiles and Allison filled us in. They even mentioned that you didn't tell Scott or Stiles. And you only told Allison because her life depended on it. And you didn't tell anyone for us." I swallowed the spit in my mouth, "Would you change that? Tell them just kept us out?"
"No." "I wouldn't have." Scott and Cait's voice blend together.
"All of you are alive, and well, and safe. And I don't want to know what would happen if I changed anything I did here. If maybe that could change."
No one said anything after that. The three of us just sat in silence, looking around the desert. It hurt, I never want her to feel like that again.
