Vista - Attack on Titan x Reader

CHAPTER SIXTY THREE: If Only

I completely spaced out after hearing those words.

"My daughter."

It wasn't until I was seated upon the sofa, levi by my side and those awful women nowhere in sight that I so much as blinked.
"Listen, (Y/N)...I think an apology is in o-" Erwin silenced himself as I held up my hand, silently telling him to wait.

I had a lot to take in. His words could have likely been a ruse, but if that had been the case, then why had my mother turned so pale? Why had she left immediately? Why did Erwin look nervous for once?

I think I'm gonna be sick...

"S..so...let me get this straight..." I finally broke the silence, tenting my hands over my mouth and nose as I avoided all eye contact. "You're my...dad..? My real dad..?" Thinking it was one thing, but saying it out loud made it that much more shocking. Even Levi seemed speechless as he sat motionless beside me.

"Yes, I'm your biological father..." Erwin confirmed, choosing to stand rather than sit across from us. Bending over a little more, I stared at the floor, unsure of how to react.
"H..how, exactly..?" It was a stupid question, but I wanted to know everything before my brain chose my route of response.

Standing by his desk, Erwin looked down at the stacks of papers and quills, toying with the tied end of his right sleeve.
"When I was a young man, I met your mother during a visit to the Wall Maria garrison barracks. I was already aquainted with Clifford, and I knew she was his wife, but as shallow as I was back then, I thought she was rather striking..."

Disgusting...

"She, of course, realised that fact, and after a few too many drinks one evening, one thing lead to another...and eight months later, you were born." He continued, not daring to face me quite yet. "I recall having the life beaten out of me by her husband. I knew I deserved it, but after the fact...I just had to request some kind of arrangement."

Closing my eyes, I waited for him to keep going, holding my tongue between my teeth.
"You see, Clifford and your mother hadn't...had relations for months prior to her pregnancy. It was obvious, as he had seen the way I had looked at her. If people had discovered what had occurred, then his family name would be soiled."

Levi must have honed in on the question circling my mind, and he crossed one leg over the other, leaning forward a little.
"So, an arrangement was made..?" Nodding, Erwin moved from his desk to stand behind his armchair.

"Yes. I would be permitted to visit you on occaision, but never claim you as my own. I swore to keep Linnea's infidelity a secret, otherwise he insisted he would end your life. Then mine. Back then, I was young, and the gravity of the situation just didn't seem to fall upon me. I agreed to his terms...not to save my own life, but yours..."

Letting my hands drop to my lap, I still avoided his eyes, choosing to stare at the hard wood of the table in front of me.
"You never thought to tell somebody..? To report him for his threats..? You really thought I'd be better off with a man who was prepared to kill me to save face..?" I truly felt sick to my stomach, but I didn't cling to Levi like part of me wanted to. This wasn't something he could help me with.

"Back then, I was no commander. I was third in command of a small squad. Nobody would have ever taken my word above someone of his rank..." He sounded so disgusted with himself, and I squeezed my eyes shut again.

You didn't even try...

"When I first saw you, I-"
"No..!" Jumping up, startling both men, I vaulted over the table and around the armchair, laying my closed fists into Erwin's chest as I shook my head frantically. "Everything was your fault..! You left me with them..! You left me to rot under the hand of that bastard..! You're the reason..!"