Vista - Attack on Titan x Reader

CHAPTER EIGHTY TWO: Strange

I wasn't sure how long it had been.

The room was dark and dusty, each breath difficult to take, not only due to that, but because of how loudly I had screamed. My body was now numb, apart from the thick, sticky gore that coated my hands, clothing and part of my face.

I stared into the dirty green material that covered Erwin's body, the wings of freedom so painfully ironic. The air reeked of blood, and I knew I would smell it for hours, days, maybe even weeks to come. Hange and Floch had assisted me in carrying his body into one of the abandoned houses, as I had refused to allow Levi to touch him.

Part of me knew it hadn't been his fault. Not entierly. Still, my mind, broken and exhausted, placed the blame upon him, alongside the Beast Titan. Eren and Mikasa, too. It was strange. This time it all felt different. My tears had been minimal, and my acceptance had been quick. It didn't hurt any less, but still, it was different.

What hurt the most was that I knew we likely couldn't bring Erwin home to be buried. That was probably why I was laying there, cuddled up to his lifeless corpse. Pathetic, and wrong in so many ways, but I felt like I had to. For the both of us.

"(Y/N)..?" When Jean entered the room, I didn't respond, just listened to his footsteps slow to a stop. "I...brought you some water...and I have some bandages here..." The one thing I appreciated was that he didn't ask if I was okay. I wasn't, not at all, but I was glad he didn't push for an answer.

Slowly, I sat up, one hand still resting atop the covered commander. Dragging my eyes to him, I could see he was worried.
"Thanks..." Sighing, I shifted to the end of the bed and got to my feet, wincing as the movement set off a chain reaction of pain. Jean motioned for me to sit in the chair across the room, and once I had he crouched down in front of me.

His arm was in a sling, but still he intended on patching me up. I didn't deserve it.
"Can I see your side?" He asked gently, and I lifted my shirt, revealing the inflamed wound, still speckled with dirt. "Okay, let me wash it out, then I'll wrap it up..."

Shaking my head, I took the flask from his hands, stretching myself back in my seat and pouring a little over the bloody slit.
"You're crippled. I can do it myself, okay?" I wasn't being snappy, or aggressive in any way. I didn't have the energy for it.

Hating the world is so tiresome...

Jet back, allowing me to patch myself up, assisting only when he felt it neccessary. As I was wrapping my cut neck, he cleared his throat, rising from the floor.
"Uh...Armin woke up...and Eren, Mikasa, Hange and Levi went to find that cellar..."

Humming in response, I didn't let it show that I was hurting, leaning back in the chair.
"Okay. What about Sasha? Is she doing okay?" The last I had seen, she had still been out cold. Jean seemed kind of confused by my reactions, but chose to keep quiet for the time being.
"She's in and out, but she'll live. She took a nasty hit to the head."

My nods were so vacant. I knew it, but I couldn't stop it. I was trying to hold myself together. Despite having accepted my father's death, it was still as fresh as the metallic tang in the air. I just knew I had to be strong for once in my life, for his sake.

"How's your arm?" I looked at Jean's sling, and he flexed his fingers a little, seeming diatracted.
"Yeah...it's just a bit sore...(Y/N), you're, well, awfully calm..." I knew it had been coming, and I stood up, walking around him to stand at the bedside.

Erwin looked so peaceful, even though I couldn't see his face. I half expected him to sit up, and give me that charming smile, ready to welcome me into his single armed embrace once more.
"Jean...do you agree with what Floch said..? Was Erwin a devil to you..?"