Vista - Attack on Titan x Reader

CHAPTER THIRTY ONE: Confessions and Command

I had expected for Nicholas to look terrified, or at least something close to it. A wild, agonising fear that I could bask in, before I tore him to shreds with my words.

I had not expected him to fall at my feet.

"Y..you're...You're alive..!" His coarse voice had aged some, but I couldn't tell if it was due to the obvious tears he was trying to hold back as he clutched at my shirt. "Th..thank god, you're alive..!" Only slightly more shocked than disgusted, I ripped his hands away, taking a large step back and swallowing thickly.
"Get...off the ground..."

I didn't want a huge scene to unfold. There would certainly be questions if anybody gathered at the entrance turned around and saw a district commander grovelling before me. Luckily, Nicholas obeyed, and climbed to his feet, but he chose to step closer instead.

"I..I know you'll never forgive me...I should die for what I did...but...I'm just so happy that you're alive, (Y/N)...Did...did Dimitri..?" When I had chosen to confront my eldest brother, I had assured myself that I was prepared. Now, standing there, I knew I had been severely mistaken.

"He...saved my life...He took the brunt of the fall...and died on impact..." I murmured hesitantly, trying to choose between standing my ground or racing back to Levi for cover. Nicholas jerked to reach out to me, but when my eyes widened, he retracted, using his other hand to physically restrain himself.
"I've...never been able to forget that day...It makes me sick to my stomach...If I could go back...and make things right..." He squeezed his eyes shut tightly, and I drew my lip between teeth that wanted to chatter violently.

"W..well...you can't." I hissed, wishing that I could hate him more than I did. The blame would always lay partially upon his shoulders, but that was what he had been programmed to do. He was nothing but an obedient machine, following orders. I watched as his teal coloured eyes swept over me, and my breath seemed to hitch in my throat as they grew even more concerned.
"You're injured...How did it happen..? I know...I don't have the right to ask questions...but..." He trailed off, sinking his gaze to his boots.

Why do you have to be so fucking apologetic..? It would have been easier if you were like Wilbur...

"I'm a scout now. They found me out in the open months ago. Where you and our cunt of a father left me. You know all about our latest expedition, considering that you're here today." I was surprised I could keep most of the emotion out of my voice, but I knew my scared self was showing in other ways. The tapping of my fingers against my hip, and the way I kept swallowing every so often, gulping down dry regrets.

Nicholas' head whipped around, as though he was searching for something.
"Then...you would be serving under Commander Erwin, right..? I need to speak with him...R..right now..!" Retreating back to Levi seemed like an incredibly good idea to me in that moment, because I had absolutely no clue as to why Nicholas would want to speak to the commander. I felt myself unconsciously take a step back before I stopped myself.

"I...serve with him...not beneath him...My conscription isn't so black and white..." I muttered, narrowing my eyes as he turned back to me. "Don't bother talking to him. We've already made a deal. He promised I wouldn't be sent back to you, or those vile bitches..." Flinching back, Nicholas shook his head slowly, tearing himself away from me as he started walking towards the entrance.
"Those...vile bitches...have nothing to do with this...I shall find him myself..."

Ah fuck fuck fuck..!

I groaned loudly in exasperation, jogging after my brother and cursing myself out for ever thinking this had a chance of going to plan.
"Like fuck you will..!" I darted in front of him, having to crane my neck so I could glare up at his superior height. "I'll get a polished boot rammed up my colon if either of us cause a scene!"