Vista - Attack on Titan x Reader

CHAPTER FORTY FOUR: Disarming Calm

I fought against the tides of consciousness, but I was unable to prevail. The silence in that room when I woke up was deafening, and the golden light filtering in through the calico curtains caused my eyes to burn. From the beginning I knew I wasn't alone in the room, but there was no way I would be the first to speak. Conversation wasn't something I sought.

"How shitty do you feel..? Scale of one to ten..." The male voice piped up, growing a little closer as I let my head roll to the side.
"Shouldn't it be on a scale of one to you, Kirstein..?" I muttered, my voice hoarsely bitter. Jean pursed his lips, but didn't snap back at me. His back was resting against the far wall, and his arms folded loosely across his chest. It was awkward, but not entirely uncomfortable. Honestly, I had no idea why he was even there.

"I'm...sorry about Boy..." He said quietly after an age of nothingness. "He didn't die in vain...We got Eren and Historia back, so-"
"All of this shit is pointless, so yeah, he did die in vain." I snarked, choosing to remain horizontal upon the lumpy bunk. "Who the fuck is Historia, anyway? I don't care about them...I mean, I'm glad they're alive...but..."

Am I, though? I don't think I would have batted an eyelid if Eren didn't make it back...I really hope Reiner is okay...I...Wait, no! Don't think about him anymore!

Jean hesitantly came to sit on the edge of the bed; right on the very damn edge, and looked down at the floor.
"Well, I'm glad you're alive...It was touch and go there for a little while..." I watched his thumbs twiddling together, and that was where I kept my focus.
"Why are you here, anyway? You're the last person I would've expected to wake up to..." My head was still pounding, and I prsyed he wouldn't try to start any drama. I knew it would be impossible for me to hold it together.

Jean didn't answer me for a while, but once his eyes dragged up to meet mine, I knew it wouldn't be a response I wanted to hear.
"I...thought Captain Levi wouldn't be the best person to break the news...him being so harsh and all..." He started slowly, and that was when I tried to sit up. "Oi, no, stay in bed! You need to rest!"

I grabbed one of his wrists as he tried to ease me back down, refusing to comply. Headache or not, I wasn't going to just lie there.
"Break what news, Jean?" My voice stern, I pushed him to go ahead with it. I could tell it was bad, but what was worse was that I had no idea how to react to the next words that came out of his mouth.

"Uh...your brother...Nicholas...he...was injured in the battle...I'm sorry, (Y/N), but he passed away before we made it back..."

Oh...

It was a strange feeling that came over me after that. A cocktail of anguish and relief, which I despised. He had been a part of my childhood nightmare, and the final push that had ended the life of the only good person in my world. Despite all of that, he had been my brother, and he had tried to right those wrongs. I wasn't sure how to feel about it.

"Th..thanks for telling me, Jean..." I thanked him in a pitiful whimper, and I watched his eyes widen as tears began to pool along my waterline. The last thing I wanted to do was cry again. The only thing it was good for was worsening my headache, but it wasn't under my control. I didn't fight against Jean as he slowly pulled me in for a hug, patting my back gently, keeping his mouth shut for once in his life.

"The captain wanted to talk to you about his...funeral, I guess...It's being held in a few days in the interior..." He spoke up after a while, seeming reluctant to let me go when I began to pull back.
"R..right...I'll find him later..." I sniffed back the ooze that wanted to drip from my nose and wiped my eyes. "D..damn...I thought you were dead, you fucking j..jerk...Don't go getting flattened by titans again, o..okay..?" Jean pulled me right back in, chuckling almost sadly as I just rested my forehead against his chest.
"I'll do my best...Sorry about that..."