Vista - Attack on Titan x Reader

CHAPTER EIGHTY SEVEN: Heartwritten

***Four months later***

"Ugh, they've spread out...This is gonna take another hundred years!" Sasha whined in complaint, halting her horse beside our most recently slain titan as it evaporated.

"There can't be all that many left. Though I guess it'd go faster if we came out more often." Jean replied, pulling up beside me. This was our third expedition since we put the eradication plan into motion, but we were doing it a little differently than we used to.

Each time we went out, we broke off into smaller groups, focusing on specific sectors of what we now knew was an island to kill off however many we could find. Less camping, less exhaustion, but it was going to take a few months at the very least.

"Think about it this way, Sash...If we do this right, then we'll have endless land to raise livestock. More livestock means an endless supply of meat for your stomach." I explained, lazily leaning against the curve of my horse's neck. The brunette lit up instantly, which came as no surprise.

"It'll be getting dark soon, so we should start heading back, anyway." Connie pointed out, gazing up into the sky, which was beginning to lose its rich, blue colour. "It's my turn to report back to Hange, anyway."

Whenever we had to go back, I felt the urge to stay behind. Not forever, but it just seemed so peaceful out in the wasteland. No people, barely any titans. Still, it didn't seem as inviting as it once had.
"I'm gonna hang back. You guys go on ahead, okay?"

They all knew how I worked now, and they all trusted me to return to them, so I never had any issues just lingering behind for a while to clear my head. This time, however, even after Sasha and Connie had ridden off, Jean stayed put.

I hadn't ignored him, but I definitely had put some space between us since Shiganshina. I still had deep feelings for the man, but my mind just automatically jumped into defense mode.

"Are you going back out to the orphanage tonight?" He asked in an attempt to be casual, keeping his horse at an equal pace to mine as I started off slowly.
"Nah, not tonight. They had potential parents coming by today, so I keep my distance when that happens." I explained, both glad that they had a chance at having a family, but sad that I may not ever see some of them again.

"Fair enough." Jean hummed, obviously struggling to think of what to say to keep the conversation going. I didn't particularly want him with me, ruining my alone time, but he wouldn't have left if I had told him to. "Then, does that mean you're not busy..?"

Please don't...

"Jean, I-"
"H..hear me out, okay? I'm not expecting anything like...that...I just want to spend time with you. Normal, off the clock time. You've been working yourself half to death lately, between duties and the kids. We can just talk." The desperation in his voice was almost too much, and guilt washed over me like a heavy, wet blanket. It was there more often than not these days.

"Do what you want." I sighed, kicking my mount into a trot, which Jean mimicked instantly. It was my own fault that he was doing this, I knew that, and I couldn't be mad at him. Myself, however? I was always mad at myself.

"So...you really seem to be bonding with Odette..." Jean started, making an attempt to keep his eyes forward instead of on me. "Connie mentioned that last time he stopped by the orphanage she wouldn't let you put her down."

Nodding along, I continued to scan for stray titans, knowing full well that it would he a hard habit to break once we were finally free of them.
"Yeah, she's a good kid..." I certainly had more to say about the toddler, but everything that wanted to come out ricocheted off the walls I had rebuilt.