Vista - Attack on Titan x Reader

CHAPTER SEVENTY FIVE: Knock Knock

People were cheering for us.

Screaming, clapping, calling out their hopes and praises. I had never seen so much support for the Scout Regiment before, and it was unnerving. It felt like a lot of pressure. I stood by Erwin's side as he addressed the civillians, gazing down upon the crowd.

I spotted Verena, somehow, clutching a handkerchief to her chin, waving up at me. I waved back, wishing I had spent more time with her before leaving. She was a mother to me, in all ways but blood. Our shared grief had brought us together.

I involuntarily flinched when Erwin yelled at the top of his lungs, fist in the air, and I watched him closely, my own fist slowly rising to mimic, but without the energy. Nothing anybody said really reached me, not until we were on the ground beyond the wall, cantering out into our designated positions.

"I almost didn't recognise you, (Y/N). You changed your uniform?" Armin called out to me, and I turned, my horse a length or two in front of them.
"Yeah. I guess it works for the mission. I'd stand out too much when we're all trying to look the same to protect Titanous Tim over here." I motioned to Eren, and he clicked his tongue, though quickly offered a small smile afterward.

"I suppose you're right..." The blond hummed, slightly breaking our formation to ride up alongside me, much to my surprise. He usually followed the rules, so I hadn't expected him to. "Are you doing okay? You've seemed a bit off since preperations started."

Glancing over at him, my own hood blocking my view of half of his face, I cocked a brow.
"Aren't I always a bit off? I mean, I'm shitting myself, but no more than usual. You're the ones who should be off. You're going home..." His smile was lacking, and that alone told me he was nervous, but he had his head in the game.

"We are, but I know a certain something has you worried. I just wanted you to know that you have us to fall back on. You always push yourself really hard, and it's incredible, but we're here to support you. You know that, right?"

Heaving a sigh, I asjusted my feet in the stirrups, still not used to using tack when riding.
"You mean Reiner, right?" I turned my head to him completely, and his face almost dropped. "Thanks, Armin. I actually might need your support with that. If it were Annie...easy...but Reiner? Even Bertholdt? I don't think I could cope with that on my own. I'll fuck it up."

I knew I would. When people called them traitors, I had to bite my tongue. They were no such thing. Levi had stated it before. They had never been on our side to begin with, so they couldn't be traitors. From their perspective, sure, I understood why they'd think it, but I saw it differently. They had a reason, and I wanted to know what it was.

I had almost forgotten what Reiner looked like. After replaying that fateful twenty four hours in my mind, over and over, it was a blur. Featureless and haunting. Whatever the reason, I needed to know why he had been there for me. Why had he allowed me to get so close to falling in love with him?

"I want to know too. There are so many unanswered questions, it keeps gnawing at me." Armin sighed, starting to drop behind a little to get back into position. "We'll get the answers though. I'm sure they're all there, in Grisha's basement."

How could one man have all the answers? It's impossible.

Night threw its heavy blanket upon us, and I tuned out most conversation, stewing in my own thoughts. We passed by numerous slumbering titans, sparing them so we wouldn't lose time. The closer we got, the sicker I felt. I actually pleaded for one of my blackout episodes to take me over, but I remained fully conscious.

My inner self wanted to seek comfort, but Jean was too far behind, and both Levi and Erwin were too far ahead. It was just me, myself and I, along with my crippling anxieties. I was getting saddle sore, and just as I was about to throw the formation to the wind, somebody piped up.