❛ PAPER CROWN ❜ - 𝖼𝗆𝖻 ✓

038; four in the morning

( TW!!!! mentions of self harm/suicide.

hi, if the topics i mentioned above trigger you, please do not read this chapter. i have kept it as minimal as possible and there isn't any actual practical form of it, but there is a few mentions that i have tried to keep as vague as possible.

i just want to let you know that if you are feeling like this, i promise it isn't always going to be as difficult as it is right now. please keep going and pushing through the day even if all you do is survive it, i'm so proud of you & if you EVER need someone to talk to whether we are friends or not, i am here.

i hope you enjoy the chapter <3 )

third person.

it was 4am. the first time mollie had found herself completely alone since the breakup with no one to talk to or call for a little bit of company or support, and for some reason she found herself hating that.

how for the past 8 months there had been someone always there when she needed them, how they'd drop everything to make sure she didn't go to sleep the following night feeling like she didn't matter. except this night it was nearing that feeling.

she was sat cross-legged on her bed, leant against her wall with her hands wrapped around her, she had no one to communicate with except her thoughts and to her that was more than terrifying.

cara had left for the night after a last minute decision to go camping with a few friends in the middle of winter. she had invited mollie, but after the girl declined, she quickly left and mollie had been alone since.

while alone with her thoughts, it gave mollie more than enough time to think and evaluate everything she was trying to cope with in her life at the moment. a break up, many long distance friendships she felt like she was losing, trying to keep a new friend group in new york, managing school work and trying to keep her mental health to a decent standard, everything was crashing on top of her.

to be completely honest with herself, she couldn't manage it.

mollie couldn't manage the multiple worries in her life, or keep up with trying to keep the rest of her life from falling apart since one person had left. it was all becoming too overwhelming and she just wanted it to come to an end, she wanted nothing more than the feeling of being too much to stop.

and since moving to new york in late august, the girl felt that her own little world, her own kingdom had been in flames that she kept desperately trying to put out to keep it alive, yet nothing ever worked.

so, with her mind in in a chaotic mess of anxious scribbles and ripped up pieces of hope, she turned her head towards one of the small bags she bought with her to new york that was filled with many miscellaneous items, but most importantly her razor and her small container of pills that she hadn't taken in over a week.

sitting herself up, she grabbed that bag and opened it, pulling out the two objects before she placed them down beside her and fiddled with the rings on her fingers, her eyes fixed on the two products.

mollie knew she had the chance to do it and get away with it, that no one would be coming in her dorm room until cara was due to arrive at midday, it was the perfect opportunity to get it over and done with.

but instead of picking them up, she reached to the other side of her and grabbed her phone, immediately bursting into tears while searching through her contacts for nicole's number.

while her hands were shaking, the quickly dialled her best friend's number and pulled her phone up to her ear, hoping the nicole would be awake to pick up.

"why are you awake at four in the morning?" nicole asked as soon as she had answered the call, it being obvious that her phone had just woke her up and she had not been able to hear mollie sobbing.

"did you just wake up?" mollie said through a shaky voice as nicole went silent.

"why are you crying?"

"what's with all the why ques-"

"mollie." she interrupted her, "what are you doing?"

"i really love you," mollie slowly said, trying to blink back tears before she glanced down at the razor again, that just been enough to provoke the crying even further, "and i really appreciate everything you do."

nicole froze for a moment, stuck in a position where she was five hours away from someone she needed to urgently be with and having no solution to the problem, hoping that mollie would say something else to the girl in hopes to try and stall the conversation while she got up and grabbed her jacket.

"i can't do this anymore," mollie eventually admitted, "i feel so miserable all the time and i can't eat and i don't do anything it's all just so pointless and there's no use."

"i know this school is really important to you and you really want to stay," nicole began, trying to keep herself together so that she wouldn't hurt the girl the other end of the call, "but i'm begging, please just come home."

"i know you don't think you want to come home but it'll help you so much more than you think and there's more than enough time to return when you're ready." she continued, "please."

"nic i don't want to be here anymore you-"

"no, no don't say that," she interrupted mollie, shaking her head as she got herself into her car, "i know it doesn't seem like it right now but i promise everything will work out, i'm not gonna make a promise i can't keep."

"do you think um..." mollie paused as she tried her best to get the words out, "can i come home tomorrow?"

"yeah, yes you can," the girl replied, letting out a sigh of relief as she began the small drive towards jack's house, "max and i can drive there if you want."

"mhm." she mumbled.

"okay," nicole quietly spoke, "i love you more than anything, alright? please just put whatever you have near you to one side and try sleep, i'll be there as early as possible tomorrow."

"can you stay on the phone..?"

"of course," nicole said, getting out of her car with tears in her hands and now shaky hands, "i just pulled up to jack's house though so if you hear him, then that's why."

"that's fine." she sighed, "i'm sorry for waking you up."

"no i'm so glad you woke me up." nicole told her, "don't ever apologise for that or feel like you'll annoy me. thank you for trusting me enough to do that, i love you."

"i love you too."

♡

a/n

how we feeling? 🥺