A Soldier's Girl

Chapter 56:

Chapter 56:

Beth's View

Waking up this morning, my whole body heaves in pain. Last night was just another terrible one. I'm glad Jackson will never remember this. He shouldn't know that he came into this world under false pretenses. As I roll over to look at him, his big blue eyes are shining and a small smile crosses his face, revealing his toothless mouth.

"Good morning baby boy!" He coos at me and I kiss his cheeks. "I love you so much baby. Jackson!"

A knock comes on the door and I cover up with my throw.

"Come in."

His sorry eyes fall to me and his slumping posture lingers in the doorway. He doesn't say anything to me, but stays in the doorway and just looks at his feet.

"Good morning." I bite hard and then roll over to Jackson and kisses his face, before sitting up and starting to breast feed. He goes to leave and I can't stand how mousey he looks. "Come in and close the door."

Doing as I say, he comes in shutting the door behind him and sits in a chair in the corner. I can't stand his pouting. He's like a child, but worse.

"If yer gonna stay here, stop pouting and acting like a beat dog. Cause I ain't putting up with it." I say as Jackson suckles my breast. Looking at me, he goes to say sorry and I give him a nasty look. He stops and looks at the baby on my chest.

"How is he?"

"He's perfect. Doing everything perfectly." I smile down at him and Daryl smiles at me and then frowns.

"He looks like you when you were little. It's hard to remember, but he does. Those big blue eyes, perfect little nose, Small blonde hairs. Too damn cute for his own good." He says as he leans on his knees. Looking at him, I offer him a smile and slide over on the bed so he can sit beside me. Hesitantly coming over, he sits beside me and strokes his finger against the feeding child's cheek. Looking up at Daryl briefly, Jackson meets his fathers eyes and then closes them as he continues eating. "Hi, buddy...It's yer daddy."

It tugs on my heart and tears starts to fall. He looks at me and his whole body slumps.

"I'm sorry....you don't know how terrible I feel. And I deserve this feeling. But I was telling you the truth when I told you I don't feel anything for her. It doesn't help, I know." He pauses and looks into his lap. "I really would die if I lost you. I wouldn't want to live without you. I just don't want you to hate me. I can take everything else, but I can't take you hating me."

I cry harder and wipe my eyes with my free hand.

"I can't take seeing you like this. I hurt you...Can...can I hold you?" I nod my head with more tears falling and he curls around me and Jackson. "I love you so much Beth. I just need you to know that. I love you more than anything on this earth besides him and Joel. I love you so much."

He leaves me little kisses on my temple and rubs my back. Looking down, I see Jackson looking at us and smiling while he coos. Pulling away I look down at the baby and kiss him gently on his cheeks, tears still crashing through my barriers.

Daryl kisses Jackson's head and them mine. Looking at him, it bothers me.

"Did you ever kiss her?"

"What?" He genuinely asks confused by my question.

"Did you ever kiss Dawn?"

"No. I didn't. My lips are only for you...through my own stupid delirious state, I remembered that." He says honestly and I smile weakly. Jackson grabs onto Daryl's finger and I burp him while he holds onto Daryl's finger. "Good job, Jack. That's my boy."

"Disgusting. Haha..." I laugh and Daryl wipes more of my tears away. "Were you ever gonna tell me?"

"Beth, I was feeling so guilty. I wanted to tell you before...but I didn't want you going through the pregnancy like that and after he was born you were so happy and I just didn't want to ruin that, but it was inevitable."

"I wish you would've just told me. I wish I didn't have to find out the way I did."

"How was that?"

"I can't say, but I wish I didn't find out."

"I wish I could take it back. You don't know how bad I wish I could undo this whole thing."

"The night we had sex and got pregnant...was that night the you stopped sleeping with her?"

"It was before that."

"If I didn't get pregnant would you have continued?"

"No....after every time I felt worse and worse, I don't know why I kept doing it. I was like when I cut myself...I wanted to stop but jus...couldn't."

"You really hurt me, you know that right."

"I know. I know we probably won't ever be back to where we were either...I just don't wanna lose you."

"I don't wanna lose you either, but that was like a knife in my heart. Yer my best friend....you couldn't even consider that before doing what you did?"

We sit in silence until Jackson coos again and waves his arms around happily. We sit there in our indifference and soon forget the tragedy as our baby becomes more and more happy.