A Soldier's Girl

Chapter 39:

Chapter 39:

Daryl's View

Paralyzed in my spot in the living room, I stare up at out bedroom door and can only imagine how bad it is. How bad I hurt her and how upset she is. Why do I open my big mouth and hurt her? Why out of all the years we were friends, do I hurt her the more we age? I wasn't trying to hurt her, I was just being honest...if I had known she was pregnant I would've never said anything.

I shouldn't have said anything. I shouldn't have left in the first place. Now what's going to happen? I can't go up there. But I probably should. She'll say she doesn't want to see me...but she'll want me there, right? I have to at least try.

Heading up the stairs I knock on the door and listen. She hasn't said anything and all I can hear is her soft sobs. I open the door and find her on our bed laying facing the balcony. Going behind her, I climb on the bed and lay behind her. She doesn't pull away from me or yell at me.

"If you could leave, I'd like to be alone." She softly says and I hear her crushed voiced and her heart ache. "Actually never mind."

Getting up she slowly gets out of bed and goes to the closet, grabbing a suit case and she starts filling it with her clothes.

"What...what are you doing?" I ask as I sit up and watch her pack.

"I can't do this...you made yerself really clear and I can't change what you want. I love you, but I can't do this." She zips up her suit case and heads down stairs.

"Beth where are you going?"

"I'm going to stay with my Dad until I can find my own place in town..." I grab at her waist and can't believe she's leaving.

"Beth, stop, I love you. Please...I was an idiot...I'll change...I'll be better. Please." She turns and I can see her eyes dull an her frown sink even lower.

"Daryl I love you...but this isn't going to work." Her voice is broken and quiet. Getting out of the house she gets in her truck and starts to pull out the driveway. I chase her down the road and she just keeps going. Dropping to ground I sit in the middle of the road wishing someone would run me over.

How did I let it come to this? How did I lose my best friend? My wife? Now my kid? How did I lose my whole life?

Going back inside I lay on the couch and just sulk in my own misery. How did this happen? Because I'm a jackass.

I was expecting her to come home in a few days, but she hadn't. I went over to Hershel's but they refused to let me in. I called an wrote, and emailed her, but I never receive a response. I tried going to her school, but they had band me from going to her room to see her. It's as if the whole world wants to make this even worse.

Sitting at home, I wait for the phone to ring or something to give me a sign that she's not fully gone. I just want her so badly and oddly enough I want the baby too. Morgan was right, at first you don't think you want something like that, but when it becomes real, then you want it more than anything.

It's been over two weeks and she hasn't come back to me or let me see her. It breaks me into pieces and I can't feel anything but numbness and that old demon inside me like that night in the hospital when I cut myself. Oh how I want to. How I want to just take a blade to my arm and cut up it or slit my throat. I can just hear the demon egging me on to do it. I head to the kitchen and grab the blade Beth uses to clean the stove. Taking it, it's sharp and I lay it against the skin and get ready to pull...but looking at the fridge I see a picture of Beth and mine's wedding. How beautiful she was, is. How spectacular that day was, even after we got the news. I sink to the floor against the counter, razor blade in hand, and I just cry.

I could end it. I could just die right now, I want too. But Beth. Beth and the baby. My baby. I couldn't be that person, even if I'm not with Beth. I can't hurt her like that, but would she really care? She's done with me. Gone. How can I not?

How can I not end it?