A Soldier's Girl

Chapter 72: Respectable

Chapter 72: Respectable

Beth's View

After talking with Espen for two hours at a coffee shop about John and Daryl, we both realize what the other wants. Looking at her hold Jackson makes me realize just how much she needs someone who needs her. John needs her. But so does Daryl. I need Daryl, but I also need John. A goddamn square of fuckery is on the table and our pieces cannot be moves in any direction. It like a shitty game of tic-tac-toe, and both X's and O's have a no way of winning.

"What are we to do?" She looks at me with great distress.

"Well...what is best for everyone?"

"I don't know. Do you want Daryl?"

"Of course I want Daryl, but he probably wants you. John wants you."

"John wants you too... and Daryl wants you. "

"We're between a rock and a hard place." I say and notice her looking down at Jackson, who is playing with her hair. "What do you want?"

"I...I don't know. I love them both...I love all of us. I don't want anyone hurt."

"Yer too kind Espen. Someone's always going to get hurt, you know that right?"

"Yeah, it's just so hard."

"Maybe, we should just go bail them out and let the mood take us. They've suffered long enough in there."

"Yes. Whatever happens, can you promise me something?"

"Sure..." I look at her deep blue eyes and feel sorry for her. She never deserved this kind of hurt, not one ounce of it.

"Can we still be friends?"

"Of course."

Walking up to the desk, we bail John and Daryl out and then wait outside. Their mood could go either way, but Espen and I just lean against my truck and let things go however they go, only hoping they don't immediately start fighting again.

"Here they come." Espen says and we put our stern faces on. We have a plane and we're not backing down. When they see us, they look somber and slowly walk to us. I rolled down the window and Jackson is sleeping in his car seat as the men (boys cause they act like it) come walking over with their heads dropped low as if their tails are between their legs. Going up to both of us, Daryl in front of me and John in front of Espen, they cower low, though both stand taller than us, usually. "Have fun?"

"No ma'am." They answer in unison. Oh they're good.

"Learn anything?" I ask roughly.

"Yes ma'am." They again answer together and I look at Espen and she at me.

"Let's go." We both say and the men look at us as we go to mine and Espen's car. John's about to get in mine and Daryl in her's, when we scold them and point them to the other car. When we both pull out, I know very well Espen's car is just as silent as mine. Driving toward my apartment, I sent Espen home to the house with John, leaving the guys' cars at the hospital. Our plan is going perfectly, I know at least in my position, because Daryl is still cowering. Getting to my apartment, I shut the truck off, but don't get out yet and neither does he. He just stares again, as do I, in the silence of the truck. The only noise is the sound of Jackson's slumber in the back. When he thinks I'm about to say something, I get out of the vehicle and take Jackson to the apartment, holding the door open to tell him to get the fuck in here.

After putting Jackson to bed and turning the monitor on, I shut his bedroom door and find Daryl still standing by the couch, helpless. This should be fun.

"Sit." I demand and he does. "Look at me."

It takes him a whole before he looks up at me and finds me red face, cooling down. I can do this.

"You are an asshole." I say with a calm, yet firm tone. "You are an asshole and a jerk."

"I'm sorry about Jack..."

"Shut up." He folds his one hand over his wrist and I know he's getting upset like he use to when Daddy would yell at him. "Things happen Daryl. Kids fall down stairs. Things get said. People leave."

He gets it. I know he does.

"But that doesn't make you an asshole. What makes you an asshole is not speaking up when you want something. I'm guilt of this too, but I'm saying it now." I pause and examine his scorned face and shaking body. "It hurt me so much when you just left. When you decided you were done cause you were frustrated. That hurt worse than you cheating."

"Beth, I ..."

"Shut up." I demand and he does. His shaking is more violent. For a long time I forgot about his long vertical scar up his arm, from when he tried to kill himself in the VA. Looking at it now, I can't do this, but I have too. "When we filed for divorce, I told myself the same thing you told yerself, that I was okay. That I didn't need you or want you and that I could make it. But I can't. I can't make it. I cant do this any more. I just want to punch you in the chest and restart your heart cause it's been dead for so long."

I start to cry and I clench my fists cause I just want to scream from all this pain.

"I want to hit you and smack you and beat you awake. I want to smother you and drowned you so you will just fucking get a hint that yer stupid! That I'm stupid. I hate you." His eyes shoot up and look at me, sunken blue eyes that seem to spark again, but are still dull. "I hate that you went away and left me. That when you came back you tried to kill yourself, that you loved Carol, married me and left, hurt yerself when you came back, almost died on me, tried to kill yerself again, cheated on me, and then leave me again. I hate you! If cling down right hate you!"

I turn my back to him and lean my forehead against my mantel.

"I'm exhausted of constantly fearing I'll lose you, when I lose you someway every time I get you back. Im tired, Daryl." I turn and face him and he's no standing behind me, but not too close. "I need you in Jackson's life. I need you in mine. Espen told me you cut yerself again, and that you almost slit yer throat."

He looks down, confirming his actions.

"No more. No more pain and suffering. I love you, you fucking moron. I love you and I need you. I went eight months without my best friend, my soulmate...and I'll be damned if I lose you for the rest of my life." Throwing his body into mine, we sink to the floor and he lays me down, kissing my neck and letting his tears fall to my body, as mine fall down the sides of my burning cheeks.

"I'm sorry, Beth...I'm sorry...." He repeats it over and over again and I just cry harder into him.

"I'm not losing you god dammit. Never."

"Never baby...."

We make love in front of the electric fire place and it's like being home after years of being dead.