A Soldier's Girl

Chapter 69:

Chapter 69:

Beth's View

I didn't tell John about Espen and Daryl. How could I, the man seemed pretty wrecked over her as it was. Was I to start a blood bath? He'll no! If he doesn't know, maybe it will work out better for me. Is that selfish? Okay, yes, it it, but I deserve this. I deserve happiness an romance just as much as Daryl! If not more, since he likes to cheat.

It's been almost four day since John helped me out and told me about Espen. It's been two days since I liked up Jackson from Daryl, which was a treat I must say. He seemed not only to be in safety mode with Espen, but on edge because of me. I wonder what that Jackass did to hurt her so badly? By the look on her face when I walked in, it had something to do with me. But why do I care? I don't.

Holding Jackson on my lap at the zoo, John comes back with the tickets and smiles at me. When I get up, he shakes his head and I sit back down. He rushes off and comes back with a wheelchair.

"It's not broken you know..."

"And I said stay off it. Now come on, in you go missy and lil man." I do as he says and he wheels Jackson and I around the zoo. The animals are awake and making all the noise they can, which in turn makes Jackson make a lot of baby sounds that force a smile onto my face, even as I think about Daryl and Espen- not together but in general. As we stop at a giraffe enclosure, the animal sticks it's long neck down and licks Jackson's tuff of blonde hair with it's long, blue, slimy tongue, making the boy giggle and laugh. It surely was a sight, seeing him so happy and carefree. Looking up at John, he smiles down at me and then looks at my lips. It's curious how much he wants my lips after four days of knowing him. I want his too though. Putting a hand up, I gently pull him down to me and peck his lips with want. Feeling the electricity between us, we pull away when Jackson starts giggling and bounce on my lap. "We better get moving 'fore that giraffe thinks he's sugar cause he's so sweet."

The rest of the zoo makes Jackson tired and we leave back to John's car, getting in and putting Jackson in his car seat to sleep. The moment we're both in the car, he leans over and kisses me firmly on my lips, which takes my breath away. His tongue slowly slips in and it surprised me, until I remember this is how real people kiss and this is why I always had a sore mouth.

"Mmm, John...we shouldn't..." I say and he pulls back slowly. "We need to slow down."

"Of course...I'm sorry."

"No it's fine. I just, ya know. Don't wanna mess this up." But what was this? What do I want this to be? Thinking about it, I just want something. Whether it's a fling or a marriage, I don't care- I just want
something to tell me I'm alive and wanted.

"That's understandable. I'm sorry I rushes this." He takes my hand and kisses my knuckles...Daryl kissed my knuckles that night at dinner, just before he told me he wanted to have a baby. Stop it Beth. You don't need to think if him. "Do you want to go somewhere else or should I drop you off at your place?"

"Probably my place. He needs to get some sleep in a bed. Or else he gets cranky." I smile at John an he repays me with his lips against my temple.

"As you wish." Driving off to my apartment, the ride is relatively silent and all I can think about is what I want from this relationship. Do I want a husband or just a boyfriend? Another shot at love, or quick shots of romance?

Both could work out with John, there's no doubt. But my heart is what's getting in the way. I'm just not ready to let go of Daryl, even if we are done and moved on. I'm not satisfied with losing my best friend, which I guess is too late.

Life's hard, that's what I learned.