A Soldier's Girl

Chapter 49:

Chapter 49:

Daryl's View

Today Beth and Joel get to go home. As I wheel her out in her wheelchair, she holds Joel in his blue blanket and blue hat. She has been here for almost two weeks can finally I get to have my best friend back. Putting her in the truck and Joel in the back in his strapped down carseat, we drive home and I can tell Beth is getting tired.

"Honey, you wanna take a nap when we get home or do you want me to make you some food?"

"I need to take care of Joel..." She tiredly says and leans on her arm rest. Putting my hand on her knee, I rub it and smile.

"I can take care of him...you haven't slept in a few days."

"Daryl, I barely got to do anything for him....how is he ever gonna get to know me?" She turns and checks the backseat, even though he's facing the back of the truck, I know it makes her feel content when she reminds herself he's buckles and safe.

"Okay...I'll bring the baby swing cradle up to our room so you can keep an eye on him, but you are sleeping. I won't have you too tired too long. It'll just make yer health decline." She sticks her tongue out at me and I smiles. "Stick that tongue out at me again and I'll suck it out of yer mouth."

Getting home, I pull in and kill the engine. Grabbing the baby carrier, I place Joel in it and Beth inside. Moose and Koda automatically swarm Joel an try to peak their heads in the carrier to see his tiny body.

"No boys...Boys...leave him alone please." I'll take him upstairs and come back for the swing.

"I'm gonna put that breast milk in the fridge."

"Okay baby. I'll meet you up there." Leaving her to go upstairs, I hear her shuffling around the kitchen. When I set Joel on the bed in a small box of pillows so he doesn't roll off the bed, I go downstairs and find Beth crying on the kitchen floor. Rushing to her side, I look her over and she seems fine. "Honey, what's wrong? What is it?"

"I'm sorry...I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm sorry." She just keeps apologizing and I feel terrible. Scooping her up, I head upstairs and lay her on the bed beside the pillow fort, where Joel is deep in his slumber. I head down stairs to grab the swinging cradle and carry it upstairs. When I get there, she's laying on one of the pillows and rubbing her hand against Joel's chest. She seems to have calmed down and I just set up the swing. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay Jitter Bug... You still have yer pregnancy hormones. The doctor said that's normal, especially for women who deliver early. It's okay." I rub her leg and she smiles up at me and kisses Joel on his little forehead.

"Wanna hand him here or you wanna lay with him for a bit?"

"Lay with him for a bit...He's so little Daryl. My lil boy is so small." Her voice is soft and cooing and all I can really do is crawl up in bed behind her an hold her close. "He's gonna be so handsome..."

"Yeah...I think we're gonna do good. I really do."

"Daryl...do you wish yer dad was out of jail?" I freeze in my seat and feel the room shake. I haven't seen my dad by choice for almost 15 years. I hate to say it but he's dead to me.

"Why would you ask that?"

"Daryl, it's jus...well, don't you think you'd like him to meet his grandson and know I'm yer wife."

"No." I flat out say and get up ready to leave.

"How can you say that?"

"Simple. He beat me Beth! He never cared for me. I was nothing to him. Joel would be nothing to him and so would you. He doesn't deserve either of you. He deserves no one." I storm off down stairs and let the dogs out to use the restroom. I love Beth but she doesn't know or understand how badly I hate my father. Yeah I hated those HPSP guys for scarring up my back, but my dad was just as bad. Just as terrible. The only reason he's in jail is because a teacher found out about him and called the cops, that and he got busted for selling drugs. I have never considered him my father. Never. And I certainly as hell won't let my son meet him.

After a few hours of cooling off, I head back upstairs with a plate breakfast food and some water for Beth. When I step in the door she's breast feeding Joel, which I never seen her do before. Her face is wet with tears and she's mumbling to herself. Setting the food on the dresser I go to her and he seems overly frustrated.

"What's wrong?"

"He's not taking my nipple...I know he's hungry and I'm trying to feed him, but he just can't..." She cries harder and leans her head back against the headboard.

"It's okay...he'll get it."

"My breasts hurt, Daryl...I just want to breast feed and it's not working... I..grrr..."

"Okay...did you try the pump? Maybe we can just use the pump for tonight. It's a new environment for him...maybe he's just not used to it here." She let's out whimper and I take Joel from her. I lay him in his swinging cradle and turn it on low to gently rock him. I hand Beth the food and run back down stairs for a bottle I started heating up and her pump. After the bottle is warm enough for the baby, I head back up stairs and Beth's mostly done with her dinner. "Here's the pump...I already got him a bottle so he can eat and hopefully we can make you feel better okay? It's gonna be alright, sweetie. Okay?"

"Yeah..." She cries out and I help her set up the machine and she starts pumping. It takes a while before any milk starts coming out and when it does she seems relieved and pain free.

"You feel better bug?" I kiss her forehead and she smiles up at me.

"Yes, thank you. About earlier...."

"Don't mention it...please. I get what you wanted to accomplish, but that's not how it works with us Dixon's."

"Well...I'm a Dixon...cant I change how it works."

"Yer not a Dixon...that came out wrong." Before I can correct myself she seems to get irritated as I feed Joel.

"Thanks! Let me know my place." Getting up, she takes the pump with her and slams the bathroom door.

"Shit..."